  1      138     1636     3056  1384892
nDirectory        0
nhelp     3056
nhh    14911
ncmdhelp    23613
nkeyhelp    30983
nhistory    34160
nopthelp    49773
nwizhelp    67630
ndungeon    69175
ntribute    71787
nasmodeus.lev   410089
nbaalz.lev   413225
nbigrm-1.lev   416309
nbigrm-10.lev   421913
nbigrm-2.lev   424521
nbigrm-3.lev   429699
nbigrm-4.lev   434237
nbigrm-5.lev   438859
nbigrm-6.lev   443453
nbigrm-7.lev   445560
nbigrm-8.lev   447885
nbigrm-9.lev   450212
ncastle.lev   452393
nfakewiz1.lev   465600
nfakewiz2.lev   467196
njuiblex.lev   468685
nknox.lev   474782
nmedusa-1.lev   480950
nmedusa-2.lev   486839
nmedusa-3.lev   493639
nmedusa-4.lev   498694
nminend-1.lev   504610
nminend-2.lev   510988
nminend-3.lev   518038
nminefill.lev   523488
nminetn-1.lev   525315
nminetn-2.lev   531865
nminetn-3.lev   537787
nminetn-4.lev   542847
nminetn-5.lev   547355
nminetn-6.lev   553489
nminetn-7.lev   557120
noracle.lev   563710
norcus.lev   566943
nsanctum.lev   573998
nsoko1-1.lev   580301
nsoko1-2.lev   584187
nsoko2-1.lev   588245
nsoko2-2.lev   590552
nsoko3-1.lev   593116
nsoko3-2.lev   596164
nsoko4-1.lev   598862
nsoko4-2.lev   601117
ntower1.lev   603523
ntower2.lev   605619
ntower3.lev   607247
nvalley.lev   609213
nwizard1.lev   617617
nwizard2.lev   621231
nwizard3.lev   623475
nastral.lev   626671
nair.lev   637551
nearth.lev   643814
nfire.lev   650370
nwater.lev   658220
nArc-goal.lev   664284
nBar-goal.lev   670509
nCav-goal.lev   676150
nHea-goal.lev   679454
nKni-goal.lev   684097
nMon-goal.lev   690206
nPri-goal.lev   693501
nRan-goal.lev   697238
nRog-goal.lev   703244
nSam-goal.lev   710073
nTou-goal.lev   715124
nVal-goal.lev   723145
nWiz-goal.lev   727272
nArc-fila.lev   734901
nArc-filb.lev   737069
nBar-fila.lev   739237
nBar-filb.lev   740673
nCav-fila.lev   742972
nCav-filb.lev   744585
nHea-fila.lev   746625
nHea-filb.lev   748695
nKni-fila.lev   751252
nKni-filb.lev   752852
nMon-fila.lev   754823
nMon-filb.lev   757232
nPri-fila.lev   759611
nPri-filb.lev   761555
nRan-fila.lev   763805
nRan-filb.lev   765418
nRog-fila.lev   767307
nRog-filb.lev   769941
nSam-fila.lev   772575
nSam-filb.lev   774144
nTou-fila.lev   776817
nTou-filb.lev   778430
nVal-fila.lev   780293
nVal-filb.lev   781978
nWiz-fila.lev   783853
nWiz-filb.lev   786181
nArc-loca.lev   788479
nBar-loca.lev   795318
nCav-loca.lev   801415
nHea-loca.lev   806893
nKni-loca.lev   811572
nMon-loca.lev   817460
nPri-loca.lev   822045
nRan-loca.lev   824928
nRog-loca.lev   829077
nSam-loca.lev   835051
nTou-loca.lev   842392
nVal-loca.lev   849946
nWiz-loca.lev   853940
nArc-strt.lev   860676
nBar-strt.lev   865753
nCav-strt.lev   870564
nHea-strt.lev   874892
nKni-strt.lev   879764
nMon-strt.lev   883859
nPri-strt.lev   888140
nRan-strt.lev   892490
nRog-strt.lev   897052
nSam-strt.lev   903446
nTou-strt.lev   907625
nVal-strt.lev   913532
nWiz-strt.lev   917847
nbogusmon   922720
ndata   927131
nengrave  1193788
nepitaph  1195130
noracles  1209288
noptions  1215463
nquest.dat  1216241
nrumors  1335719
        Welcome to NetHack!                ( description of version 3.6 )

        NetHack is a Dungeons and Dragons like game where you (the adventurer)
descend into the depths of the dungeon in search of the Amulet of Yendor,
reputed to be hidden somewhere below the twentieth level.  You begin your
adventure with a pet that can help you in many ways, and can be trained
to do all sorts of things.  On the way you will find useful (or useless)
items, quite possibly with magic properties, and assorted monsters.  You can
attack a monster by trying to move onto the space a monster is on (but often
it is much wiser to leave it alone).

        Unlike most adventure games, which give you a verbal description of
your location, NetHack gives you a visual image of the dungeon level you are
on.

        NetHack uses the following symbols:

        - and |  The walls of a room, possibly also open doors or a grave.
        .        The floor of a room or a doorway.
        #        A corridor, or iron bars, or a tree, or possibly a kitchen
                 sink (if your dungeon has sinks), or a drawbridge.
        >        Stairs down: a way to the next level.
        <        Stairs up: a way to the previous level.
        @        You (usually), or another human.
        )        A weapon of some sort.
        [        A suit or piece of armor.
        %        Something edible (not necessarily healthy).
        /        A wand.
        =        A ring.
        ?        A scroll.
        !        A potion.
        (        Some other useful object (pick-axe, key, lamp...)
        $        A pile of gold.
        *        A gem or rock (possibly valuable, possibly worthless).
        +        A closed door, or a spellbook containing a spell
                 you can learn.
        ^        A trap (once you detect it).
        "        An amulet, or a spider web.
        0        An iron ball.
        _        An altar, or an iron chain.
        {        A fountain.
        }        A pool of water or moat or a pool of lava.
        \        An opulent throne.
        `        A boulder or statue.
        A to Z, a to z, and several others:  Monsters.
        I        Invisible or unseen monster's last known location

                 You can find out what a symbol represents by typing
                 '/' and following the directions to move the cursor
                 to the symbol in question.  For instance, a 'd' may
                 turn out to be a dog.


y k u   7 8 9   Move commands:
 \|/     \|/            yuhjklbn: go one step in specified direction
h-.-l   4-.-6           YUHJKLBN: go in specified direction until you
 /|\     /|\                        hit a wall or run into something
b j n   1 2 3           g<dir>:   run in direction <dir> until something
      numberpad                     interesting is seen
                        G<dir>,   same, except a branching corridor isn't
 <  up                  ^<dir>:     considered interesting (the ^ in this
                                    case means the Control key, not a caret)
 >  down                m<dir>:   move without picking up objects
                        F<dir>:   fight even if you don't sense a monster
                If the number_pad option is set, the number keys move instead.
                Depending on the platform, Shift number (on the numberpad),
                Meta number, or Alt number will invoke the YUHJKLBN commands.
                Control <dir> may or may not work when number_pad is enabled,
                depending on the platform's capabilities.
                Digit '5' acts as 'G' prefix, unless number_pad is set to 2
                in which case it acts as 'g' instead.
                If number_pad is set to 3, the roles of 1,2,3 and 7,8,9 are
                reversed; when set to 4, behaves same as 3 combined with 2.
                If number_pad is set to -1, alphabetic movement commands are
                used but 'y' and 'z' are swapped.

Commands:
        NetHack knows the following commands:
        ?       Help menu.
        /       What-is, tell what a symbol represents.  You may choose to
                specify a location or give a symbol argument.  Enabling the
                autodescribe option will give information about the symbol
                at each location you move the cursor onto.
        &       Tell what a command does.
        <       Go up a staircase (if you are standing on it).
        >       Go down a staircase (if you are standing on it).
        .       Rest, do nothing for one turn.
        _       Travel via a shortest-path algorithm to a point on the map.
        a       Apply (use) a tool (pick-axe, key, lamp...).
        A       Remove all armor.
        ^A      Redo the previous command.
        c       Close a door.
        C       Call (name) monster, individual object, or type of object.
        d       Drop something.  d7a:  drop seven items of object a.
        D       Drop multiple items.  This command is implemented in two
                different ways.  One way is:
                "D" displays a list of all of your items, from which you can
                pick and choose what to drop.  A "+" next to an item means
                that it will be dropped, a "-" means that it will not be
                dropped.  Toggle an item to be selected/deselected by typing
                the letter adjacent to its description.  Select all items
                with "+", deselect all items with "=".  The <SPACEBAR> moves
                you from one page of the listing to the next.
                The other way is:
                "D" will ask the question "What kinds of things do you want
                to drop? [!%= au]".  You should type zero or more object
                symbols possibly followed by 'a' and/or 'u'.
                Da - drop all objects, without asking for confirmation.
                Du - drop only unpaid objects (when in a shop).
                D%u - drop only unpaid food.
        ^D      Kick (for doors, usually).
        e       Eat food.
        E       Engrave a message on the floor.
                E- - write in the dust with your fingers.
        f       Fire ammunition from quiver.
        F       Followed by direction, fight a monster (even if you don't
                sense it).
        i       Display your inventory.
        I       Display selected parts of your inventory, as in
                I* - list all gems in inventory.
                Iu - list all unpaid items.
                Ix - list all used up items that are on your shopping bill.
                I$ - count your money.
        o       Open a door.
        O       Review current options and possibly change them.
                A menu displaying the option settings will be displayed
                and most can be changed by simply selecting their entry.
                Options are usually set before the game with NETHACKOPTIONS
                environment variable or via a configuration file (defaults.nh,
                NetHack Defaults, nethack.cnf, ~/.nethackrc, etc.) rather
                than with the 'O' command.
        p       Pay your shopping bill.
        P       Put on an accessory (ring, amulet, etc).
        ^P      Repeat last message (subsequent ^P's repeat earlier messages).
                The behavior can be varied via the msg_window option.
        q       Drink (quaff) something (potion, water, etc).
        Q       Select ammunition for quiver.
        #quit   Exit the program without saving the current game.
        r       Read a scroll or spellbook.
        R       Remove an accessory (ring, amulet, etc).
        ^R      Redraw the screen.
        s       Search for secret doors and traps around you.
        S       Save the game.  Also exits the program.
                [To restore, just play again and use the same character name.]
                [There is no "save current data but keep playing" capability.]
        t       Throw an object or shoot a projectile.
        T       Take off armor.
        ^T      Teleport, if you are able.
        v       Displays the version number.
        V       Display a longer identification of the version, including the
                history of the game.
        w       Wield weapon.  w- means wield nothing, use bare hands.
        W       Wear armor.
        x       Swap wielded and secondary weapons.
        X       Toggle two-weapon combat.
        ^X      Show your attributes.
        #explore  Switch to Explore Mode (aka Discovery Mode) where dying and
                deleting the save file during restore can both be overridden.
        z       Zap a wand.  (Use y instead of z if number_pad is -1.)
        Z       Cast a spell.  (Use Y instead of Z if number_pad is -1.)
        ^Z      Suspend the game.  (^Y instead of ^Z if number_pad is -1.)
                [To resume, use the shell command 'fg'.]
        :       Look at what is here.
        ;       Look at what is somewhere else.
        ,       Pick up some things.
        @       Toggle the pickup option.
        ^       Ask for the type of a trap you found earlier.
        )       Tell what weapon you are wielding.
        [       Tell what armor you are wearing.
        =       Tell what rings you are wearing.
        "       Tell what amulet you are wearing.
        (       Tell what tools you are using.
        *       Tell what equipment you are using; combines the preceding five.
        $       Count your gold pieces.
        +       List the spells you know; also rearrange them if desired.
        \       Show what types of objects have been discovered.
        `       Show discovered types for one class of objects.
        !       Escape to a shell, if supported in your version and OS.
                [To resume play, terminate the shell subprocess via 'exit'.]
        #       Introduces one of the "extended" commands.  To get a list of
                the commands you can use with "#" type "#?".  The extended
                commands you can use depends upon what options the game was
                compiled with, along with your class and what type of monster
                you most closely resemble at a given moment.  If your keyboard
                has a meta key (which, when pressed in combination with another
                key, modifies it by setting the 'meta' (8th, or 'high') bit),
                these extended commands can be invoked by meta-ing the first
                letter of the command.  An alt key may have a similar effect.

        If the "number_pad" option is on, some additional letter commands
        are available:

        h       displays the help menu, like '?'
        j       Jump to another location.
        k       Kick (for doors, usually).
        l       Loot a box on the floor.
        n       followed by number of times to repeat the next command.
        N       Name a monster, an individual object, or a type of object.
        u       Untrap a trapped object or door.

        You can put a number before a command to repeat it that many times,
        as in "40." or "20s".  If you have the number_pad option set, you
        must type 'n' to prefix the count, as in "n40." or "n20s".


        Some information is displayed on the bottom line or perhaps in a
        box, depending on the platform you are using.  You see your
        attributes, your alignment, what dungeon level you are on, how many
        hit points you have now (and will have when fully recovered), what
        your armor class is (the lower the better), your experience level,
        and the state of your stomach.  Optionally, you may or may not see
        other information such as spell points, how much gold you have, etc.

        Have Fun, and Happy Hacking!
y k u   7 8 9   Move commands:
 \|/     \|/            yuhjklbn: go one step in specified direction
h-.-l   4-.-6           YUHJKLBN: go in specified direction until you
 /|\     /|\                        hit a wall or run into something
b j n   1 2 3           g<dir>:   run in direction <dir> until something
      numberpad                     interesting is seen
                        G<dir>,   same, except a branching corridor isn't
 <  up                  ^<dir>:     considered interesting (the ^ in this
                                    case means the Control key, not a caret)
 >  down                m<dir>:   move without picking up objects/fighting
                        F<dir>:   fight even if you don't sense a monster
                If the number_pad option is set, the digit keys move instead.
                Depending on the platform, Shift digit (on the numberpad),
                Meta digit, or Alt digit will invoke the YUHJKLBN commands.
                Control <dir> may or may not work when number_pad is enabled,
                depending on the platform's capabilities.
                Digit '5' acts as 'G' prefix, unless number_pad is set to 2
                in which case it acts as 'g' instead.
                If number_pad is set to 3, the roles of 1,2,3 and 7,8,9 are
                reversed; when set to 4, behaves same as 3 combined with 2.
                If number_pad is set to -1, alphabetic movement commands are
                used but 'y' and 'z' are swapped.

General commands:
?     help      display one of several informative texts
#quit quit      end the game without saving current game
S     save      save the game (to be continued later) and exit
                [to restore, play again and use the same character name;
                use #quit to quit without saving]
!     sh        escape to some SHELL (if allowed; 'exit' to resume play)
^Z    suspend   suspend the game (independent of your current suspend char)
                [on UNIX(tm)-based systems, use the 'fg' command to resume]
O     options   set options
/     what-is   tell what a map symbol represents
\     known     display list of what's been discovered
v     version   display version number
V     history   display game history
^A    again     redo the previous command
^R    redraw    redraw the screen
^P    prevmsg   repeat previous message (consecutive ^P's repeat earlier ones)
#               introduces an extended command (#? for a list of them)
&     what-does describe the command a keystroke invokes

Control characters are depicted as '^' followed by a letter.  Depress Ctrl
or Control like a shift key then type the letter.  Control characters are
case-insensitive; ^D is the same as ^d, Ctrl+d is same as Ctrl+Shift+d.
There are a few non-letter control characters; nethack uses ^[ as a synonym
for Escape (or vice versa) but none of the others.

Game commands:
^D    kick      kick (a door, or something else)
^T    Tport     teleport (if you can)
^X    show      show your attributes
a     apply     apply or use a tool (pick-axe, key, camera, etc.)
A     takeoffall  choose multiple items of armor, accessories, and weapons
                to take off, remove, unwield (uses same amount of game time
                as removing them individually with T,R,w- would take)
c     close     close a door
C     call      name a monster, an individual object, or a type of object
d     drop      drop an object.  d7a:  drop seven items of object 'a'
D     Drop      drop selected types of objects
e     eat       eat something
E     engrave   write a message in the dust on the floor  (E-  use fingers)
f     fire      fire ammunition from quiver
F     fight     followed by direction, fight a monster
i     invent    list your inventory (all objects you are carrying)
I     Invent    list selected parts of your inventory; for example
                  I(  list all tools, or  I"  list all amulets
                  IB  list all items known to be blessed
                  IU  uncursed, or  IC  cursed, or  IX  unknown bless state
                  Iu  when in a shop, list unpaid objects being carried
                  Ix  in a shop, list any fees and used-up shop-owned items
o     open      open a door
p     pay       pay your bill (in a shop)
P     puton     put on an accessory (ring, amulet, etc; can be used to wear
                armor too, but armor items aren't listed as likely candidates)
q     quaff     drink something (potion, water, etc)
Q     quiver    select ammunition for quiver (use '#quit' to quit)
r     read      read a scroll or spellbook
R     remove    remove an accessory (ring, amulet, etc; can be used to take
                off armor too)
s     search    search for secret doors, hidden traps and monsters
t     throw     throw or shoot a weapon
T     takeoff   take off some armor; can be used to remove accessories too,
                but those aren't listed as likely candidates)
w     wield     wield a weapon  (w-  wield nothing to unwield current weapon)
W     wear      wear an item of armor; can be used to put on accessories too,
                but those aren't listed as likely candidates)
x     xchange   swap wielded and secondary weapons
X     twoweapon toggle two-weapon combat if role allows that
z     zap       zap a wand  (use y instead of z if number_pad is -1)
Z     Zap       cast a spell  (use Y instead of Z if number_pad is -1)
<     up        go up the stairs
>     down      go down the stairs
^     trap_id   identify a previously found trap
),[,=,",(       show current items of specified symbol in use
*               show combination of ),[,=,",( all at once
$     gold      count your gold
+     spells    list the spells you know; also rearrange them if desired
`     classkn   display known items for one class of objects
_     travel    move via a shortest-path algorithm to a point on the map
.     rest      wait a moment
,     pickup    pick up all you can carry
@               toggle "pickup" (auto pickup) option on and off
:     look      look at what is here
;     farlook   look at what is somewhere else by selecting a map location
                (for a monster on top of one or more objects, only describes
                that monster; for a pile of objects, only describes top one)

Keyboards that have a meta key (some use Alt for that, so typing Alt as a
shift plus 'e' would generate 'M-e') can also use these extended commands
via the meta modifier as an alternative to using the # prefix.  Unlike
control characters, meta characters are case-sensitive so M-a is different
from M-A.  Type the latter with two keys used as shifts, Meta+Shift+a.

M-?             display extended command help (if the platform allows this)
M-2   twoweapon toggle two-weapon combat (unless number_pad is enabled)
M-a   adjust    adjust inventory letters
M-A   annotate  add a one-line note to the current dungeon level (see M-O)
M-c   chat      talk to someone
M-C   conduct   view optional challenges
M-d   dip       dip an object into something
M-e   enhance   show weapon and spell skills, can improve them if eligible
M-f   force     force a lock
M-i   invoke    invoke an object's special powers
M-j   jump      jump to another location
M-l   loot      loot a box on the floor
M-m   monster   when polymorphed, use monster's special ability
M-n   name      name a monster, an individual object, or a type of object
M-N   name      synonym for M-n  (both are the same as C)
M-o   offer     offer a sacrifice to the gods
M-O   overview  display information about visited levels and annotations
M-p   pray      pray to the gods for help
M-q   quit      stop playing without saving game (use S to save and exit)
M-r   rub       rub a lamp or a stone
M-R   ride      mount or dismount saddled steed
M-s   sit       sit down
M-t   turn      turn undead if role allows that
M-T   tip       upend a container to dump out its contents
M-u   untrap    untrap something
M-v   version   print compile time options for this version
M-w   wipe      wipe off your face
M-X   explore   switch from regular play to non-scoring explore mode

If the 'number_pad' option is on, keys usually used for movement can be
used for various commands:

n               followed by number of times to repeat the next command
h     help      display one of several informative texts, like '?'
j     jump      jump to another location
k     kick      kick something (usually a door)
l     loot      loot a box on the floor
N     name      name an item or type of object
u     untrap    untrap something (usually a trapped object)

Additional commands are available in debug mode (also known as wizard mode).
&# cmdhelp
&	Tell what command a keystroke invokes
^	Show the type of an adjacent trap
^[	Cancel command (same as ESCape key)
&? debug
^E	Search for nearby traps, secret doors, and unseen monsters
^F	Map level; reveals traps and secret corridors but not secret doors
^G	Create a monster by name or class
^I	View inventory with all items identified
^O	List special level locations
^V	Teleport between levels
^W	Wish for something
&: #!debug
^E	unavailable debugging command
^F	unavailable debugging command
^G	unavailable debugging command
^I	unavailable debugging command
^O	Shortcut for '#overview': list interesting levels you have visited
^V	unavailable debugging command
^W	unavailable debugging command
&. #?debug
&? number_pad=0,-1
b	Go southwest 1 space
B	Go southwest until you are on top of something
h	Go west 1 space
H	Go west until you are on top of something
j	Go south 1 space
J	Go south until you are on top of something
k	Go north 1 space
K	Go north until you are on top of something
l	Go east 1 space
L	Go east until you are on top of something
n	Go southeast 1 space
N	Go southeast until you are on something
u	Go northeast 1 space
U	Go northeast until you are on top of something
&# y,Y handled below
&: #number_pad=1,2,3,4
h	Help: synonym for '?'
j	Jump: shortcut for '#jump'
k	Kick: synonym for '^D'
l	Loot: shortcut for '#loot'
n	Start a count; continue with digit(s)
N	Name: shortcut for '#name'
u	Untrap: shortcut for '#untrap'
&. #0,-1 vs 1,2,3,4
a	Apply (use) a tool or break a wand
A	Remove all armor and/or all accessories and/or unwield weapons
^A	Redo the previous command
^B	Go southwest until you are near something
c	Close a door
C	Call (name) a monster, an individual object, or a type of object
^C	Interrupt: quit the game
d	Drop an item
D	Drop specific item types
^D	Kick something (usually a door, chest, or box)
e	Eat something
E	Engrave writing on the floor
f	Fire ammunition from quiver
F	Followed by direction, fight a monster (even if you don't sense it)
g	Followed by direction, move until you are near something
G	Followed by direction, same as control-direction
^H	Go west until you are near something
i	Show your inventory
I	Inventory specific item types
^J	Go south until you are near something
^K	Go north until you are near something
^L	Go east until you are near something
m	Followed by direction, move without picking anything up or fighting
M	Followed by direction, move a distance without picking anything up
^N	Go southeast until you are near something
o	Open a door
O	Show option settings, possibly change them
p	Pay your shopping bill
P	Put on an accessory (ring, amulet, etc; will work for armor too)
^P	Toggle through previously displayed game messages
q	Quaff (drink) something (potion, water, etc)
Q	Select ammunition for quiver (use '#quit' to quit)
r	Read a scroll or spellbook
R	Remove an accessory (ring, amulet, etc; will work for armor too)
^R	Redraw screen
s	Search all immediately adjacent locations for traps and secret doors
S	Save the game (and exit; there is no "save and keep going")
t	Throw something (choose an item, then a direction--not a target)
T	Take off one piece of armor (will work for accessories too)
^T	Teleport around level
^U	Go northeast until you are near something
v	Show version ('#version' shows more information)
V	Show history of game's development
w	Wield a weapon (for dual weapons: 'w' secondary, 'x', 'w' primary, 'X')
W	Wear a piece of armor (will work for accessories too)
x	Swap wielded and secondary weapons
X	Toggle two-weapon combat
^X	Show your attributes (shows more in debug or explore mode)
&? number_pad=0,1,2,3,4
&? number_pad=0
y	Go northwest 1 space
Y	Go northwest until you are on top of something
&.
^Y	Go northwest until you are near something
z	Zap a wand
Z	Zap (cast) a spell
&? suspend
^Z	Suspend game; 'fg' (foreground) to resume
&:
^Z	unavailable command: suspend
&.
&: number_pad=-1
y	Zap a wand
Y	Zap (cast) a spell
&? suspend
^Y	Suspend game; 'fg' (foreground) to resume
&:
^Y	unavailable command: suspend
&.
z	Go northwest 1 space
Z	Go northwest until you are on top of something
^Z	Go northwest until you are near something
&. #0,1..4 vs -1
<	Go up a staircase
>	Go down a staircase
/	Show what type of thing a symbol corresponds to
?	Give a help message
&? shell
!	Do a shell escape; 'exit' shell to come back
&:
!	unavailable command: shell
&.
\	Show what object types have been discovered
`	Show discovered types for one class of objects
_	Travel via a shortest-path algorithm to a point on the map
.	Rest one move while doing nothing
&? rest_on_space
 	Rest one move while doing nothing
&.
:	Look at what is on the floor
;	Show what type of thing a map symbol on the level corresponds to
,	Pick up things at the current location
@	Toggle the pickup option on/off
)	Show the weapon(s) currently wielded or readied
[	Show the armor currently worn
=	Show the ring(s) currently worn
"	Show the amulet currently worn
(	Show the tools currently in use
*	Show all equipment in use (combination of the ),[,=,",( commands)
$	Count your gold
+	List known spells
#	Perform an extended command (use '#?' to list choices)
&# number_pad:
&#  -1 = numpad off, swap y with z (including Y with Z, ^Y with ^Z, M-y &c)
&#   0 = numpad off (default)
&#   1 = numpad on, normal keypad layout, '5'->'g'
&#   2 = numpad on, normal keypad layout, '5'->'G'
&#   3 = numpad on, phone keypad layout, '5'->'g'
&#   4 = numpad on, phone keypad layout, '5'->'G'
&? number_pad = 1,2,3,4
0	Show inventory
4	Move west
6	Move east
-	'F' prefix; force fight
&: #-1,0
0	Continue a count
4	Start or continue a count
6	Start or continue a count
&. #1,2,3,4 vs -1,0
&? number_pad=1,2
7	Move northwest
8	Move north
9	Move northeast
1	Move southwest
2	Move south
3	Move southeast
&: number_pad=3,4
1	Move northwest
2	Move north
3	Move northeast
7	Move southwest
8	Move south
9	Move southeast
&: #-1,0
1	Start or continue a count
2	Start or continue a count
3	Start or continue a count
7	Start or continue a count
8	Start or continue a count
9	Start or continue a count
&. #1,2 vs 3,4 vs -1,0
&? number_pad=1,3
5	'g' movement prefix
M-5	'G' movement prefix
&: number_pad=2,4
5	'G' movement prefix
M-5	'g' movement prefix
M-0	Inventory specific item types
&: #-1,0
5	Start or continue a count
M-2	Toggle two-weapon combat
&. #1,3 vs 2,4 vs -1,0
M-?	Display extended command help (if the platform allows this)
M-a	Adjust inventory letters
M-A	Annotate: supply a name for the current dungeon level
M-c	Chat: talk to an adjacent creature
M-C	Conduct: list voluntary challenges you have maintained
M-d	Dip an object into something
M-e	Enhance: check weapons skills, advance them if eligible
M-f	Force a lock
M-i	Invoke an object's special powers
M-j	Jump to a nearby location
M-l	Loot a box on the floor
M-m	When polymorphed, use a monster's special ability
M-n	Name a monster, an individual object, or a type of object
M-N	Name a monster, an individual object, or a type of object
M-o	Offer a sacrifice to the gods
M-O	Overview: show a summary of the explored dungeon
M-p	Pray to the gods for help
M-q	Quit (exit without saving)
M-r	Rub a lamp or a touchstone
M-R	Ride: mount or dismount a saddled steed
M-s	Sit down
M-t	Turn undead
M-T	Tip: empty a container
M-u	Untrap something (trap, door, or chest)
M-v	Print compile time options for this version of NetHack
M-w	Wipe off your face
	Depending upon hardware or operating system or NetHack's interface,
	some keystrokes may be off-limits.

	For example, ^S and ^Q are often used for XON/XOFF flow-control,
	meaning that ^S suspends output and subsequent ^Q resumes suspended
	output.  When that is the case, neither of those characters will
	reach NetHack when it is waiting for a command keystroke.  So they
	aren't used as commands, but 'whatdoes' might not be able to tell
	you that if they don't get passed through to NetHack.

	^M or <return> or <enter> is likely to be transformed into ^J or
	<linefeed> or 'newline' before being passed to NetHack for handling.
	So it isn't used as a command, and 'whatdoes' might seem as if it
	is reporting the wrong character but will be operating correctly if
	it describes ^J when you type ^M.

	A NUL character, which is typed as ^<space> on some keyboards,
	^@ on others, and maybe not typeable at all on yet others, is not
	used as a command, and will be converted into ESC before reaching
	'whatdoes'.  Unlike ^M, this transformation is performed within
	NetHack.  But like ^M, if you type NUL and get feedback about ESC,
	the situation is expected.

	ESC itself is a synonym for ^[, and is another source of oddity.
	Various function keys, including cursor arrow keys, may transmit
	an "escape sequence" of ESC + [ + other stuff, confusing NetHack
	as to what command was intended since the ESC will be processed
	and then whatever follows will seem to NetHack like--and be used
	as--something typed by the user.  (If you press a function key and
	a menu of the armor your hero is wearing appears, what happened
	was that an escape sequence was sent to NetHack, its ESC aborted
	any pending key operation, its '[' was then treated as a command
	to show worn armor, and the "other stuff" probably got silently
	discarded as invalid choices while you dismissed the menu.)

	If you have NetHack's 'altmeta' option enabled, meaning that the
	<alt> or <option> key, when used as shift while typing some other
	character, transmits ESC and then the other character so NetHack
	should treat that other character as a meta-character, then ESC
	takes on added potential for confusion.  Implicit in the handling
	of a two character sequence ESC + something is the fact that when
	NetHack sees ESC, it needs to wait for another character before
	it can decide what to do.  So if you type ESC manually, you'll
	need to type it a second time or NetHack will sit there waiting.
	(It will then be treated as if you typed ESC rather than M-ESC.)

	On some systems, typing ^\ will send a QUIT signal to the current
	process, probably killing it and possibly causing it to save a
	core dump.  It is not used for any NetHack command, so don't type
	that character.

	One last note:  characters shown as ^x mean that you should hold
	down the <control> or <ctrl> key as a shift and then type 'x'.
	Control characters are all implicitly uppercase, but you don't
	need to press the shift key while typing them.  The opposite is
	true for meta-characters:  they can be either case, so you need
	to use shift as well as <meta> or <alt> to generate an uppercase
	letter meta-character.
NetHack History file for release 3.6

Behold, mortal, the origins of NetHack...

Jay Fenlason wrote the original Hack with help from Kenny Woodland,
Mike Thome, and Jon Payne.

Andries Brouwer did a major re-write, transforming Hack into a very different
game, and published (at least) three versions (1.0.1, 1.0.2, and 1.0.3) for
UNIX(tm) machines to the Usenet.

Don G. Kneller ported Hack 1.0.3 to Microsoft(tm) C and MS-DOS(tm), producing
PC HACK 1.01e, added support for DEC Rainbow graphics in version 1.03g, and
went on to produce at least four more versions (3.0, 3.2, 3.51, and 3.6;
note that these are old Hack version numbers, not contemporary NetHack ones).

R. Black ported PC HACK 3.51 to Lattice(tm) C and the Atari 520/1040ST,
producing ST Hack 1.03.

Mike Stephenson merged these various versions back together, incorporating
many of the added features, and produced NetHack version 1.4 in 1987.  He
then coordinated a cast of thousands in enhancing and debugging NetHack 1.4
and released NetHack versions 2.2 and 2.3.

Later, Mike coordinated a major rewrite of the game, heading a team which
included Ken Arromdee, Jean-Christophe Collet, Steve Creps, Eric Hendrickson,
Izchak Miller, Eric S. Raymond, John Rupley, Mike Threepoint, and Janet Walz,
to produce NetHack 3.0c.  The same group subsequently released ten patch-
level revisions and updates of 3.0.

NetHack 3.0 was ported to the Atari by Eric R. Smith, to OS/2 by Timo
Hakulinen, and to VMS by David Gentzel.  The three of them and Kevin Darcy
later joined the main NetHack Development Team to produce subsequent
revisions of 3.0.

Olaf Seibert ported NetHack 2.3 and 3.0 to the Amiga.  Norm Meluch, Stephen
Spackman and Pierre Martineau designed overlay code for PC NetHack 3.0.
Johnny Lee ported NetHack 3.0 to the Macintosh.  Along with various other
Dungeoneers, they continued to enhance the PC, Macintosh, and Amiga ports
through the later revisions of 3.0.

Headed by Mike Stephenson and coordinated by Izchak Miller and Janet Walz,
the NetHack Development Team which now included Ken Arromdee, David Cohrs,
Jean-Christophe Collet, Kevin Darcy, Matt Day, Timo Hakulinen, Steve Linhart,
Dean Luick, Pat Rankin, Eric Raymond, and Eric Smith undertook a radical
revision of 3.0.  They re-structured the game's design, and re-wrote major
parts of the code.  They added multiple dungeons, a new display, special
individual character quests, a new endgame and many other new features, and
produced NetHack 3.1.

Ken Lorber, Gregg Wonderly and Greg Olson, with help from Richard Addison,
Mike Passaretti, and Olaf Seibert, developed NetHack 3.1 for the Amiga.

Norm Meluch and Kevin Smolkowski, with help from Carl Schelin, Stephen
Spackman, Steve VanDevender, and Paul Winner, ported NetHack 3.1 to the PC.

Jon W{tte and Hao-yang Wang, with help from Ross Brown, Mike Engber, David
Hairston, Michael Hamel, Jonathan Handler, Johnny Lee, Tim Lennan, Rob Menke,
and Andy Swanson developed NetHack 3.1 for the Macintosh, porting it for
MPW.  Building on their development, Bart House added a Think C port.

Timo Hakulinen ported NetHack 3.1 to OS/2.  Eric Smith ported NetHack 3.1
to the Atari.  Pat Rankin, with help from Joshua Delahunty, is responsible
for the VMS version of NetHack 3.1.  Michael Allison ported NetHack 3.1 to
Windows NT.

Dean Luick, with help from David Cohrs, developed NetHack 3.1 for X11.
Warwick Allison wrote a tiled version of NetHack for the Atari;
he later contributed the tiles to the NetHack Development Team and tile
support was then added to other platforms.

The 3.2 NetHack Development Team, comprised of Michael Allison, Ken Arromdee, 
David Cohrs, Jessie Collet, Steve Creps, Kevin Darcy, Timo Hakulinen, Steve
Linhart, Dean Luick, Pat Rankin, Eric Smith, Mike Stephenson, Janet Walz,
and Paul Winner, released version 3.2 in April of 1996.

Version 3.2 marked the tenth anniversary of the formation of the development
team.  In a testament to their dedication to the game, all thirteen members
of the original NetHack Development Team remained on the team at the start of
work on that release.  During the interval between the release of 3.1.3 and
3.2, one of the founding members of the NetHack Development Team, 
Dr. Izchak Miller, passed away.  That release of the game was dedicated to
him by the development and porting teams.

Version 3.2 proved to be more stable than previous versions.  Many bugs
were fixed, abuses eliminated, and game features tuned for better game
play.

During the lifespan of NetHack 3.1 and 3.2, several enthusiasts of the game
added their own modifications to the game and made these "variants" publicly
available:

Tom Proudfoot and Yuval Oren created NetHack++, which was quickly renamed
NetHack--.  Working independently, Stephen White wrote NetHack Plus.
Tom Proudfoot later merged NetHack Plus and his own NetHack-- to produce
SLASH.  Larry Stewart-Zerba and Warwick Allison improved the spellcasting
system with the Wizard Patch.  Warwick Allison also ported NetHack to use
the Qt interface.

Warren Cheung combined SLASH with the Wizard Patch to produce Slash'em, and
with the help of Kevin Hugo, added more features.  Kevin later joined the
NetHack Development Team and incorporated the best of these ideas in 
NetHack 3.3.

The final update to 3.2 was the bug fix release 3.2.3, which was released
simultaneously with 3.3.0 in December 1999 just in time for the Year 2000.

The 3.3 NetHack Development Team, consisting of Michael Allison, Ken Arromdee,
David Cohrs, Jessie Collet, Steve Creps, Kevin Darcy, Timo Hakulinen,
Kevin Hugo, Steve Linhart, Ken Lorber, Dean Luick, Pat Rankin, Eric Smith,
Mike Stephenson, Janet Walz, and Paul Winner, released 3.3.0 in
December 1999 and 3.3.1 in August of 2000.

Version 3.3 offered many firsts.  It was the first version to separate race
and profession.  The Elf class was removed in preference to an elf race,
and the races of dwarves, gnomes, and orcs made their first appearance in
the game alongside the familiar human race.  Monk and Ranger roles joined
Archeologists, Barbarians, Cavemen, Healers, Knights, Priests, Rogues,
Samurai, Tourists, Valkyries and of course, Wizards.  It was also the first
version to allow you to ride a steed, and was the first version to have a
publicly available web-site listing all the bugs that had been discovered.
Despite that constantly growing bug list, 3.3 proved stable enough to last
for more than a year and a half.

The 3.4 NetHack Development Team initially consisted of Michael Allison, 
Ken Arromdee, David Cohrs, Jessie Collet, Kevin Hugo, Ken Lorber, Dean Luick,
Pat Rankin, Mike Stephenson, Janet Walz, and Paul Winner, with Warwick Allison
joining just before the release of NetHack 3.4.0 in March 2002.

As with version 3.3, various people contributed to the game as a whole as
well as supporting ports on the different platforms that NetHack runs on:

Pat Rankin maintained 3.4 for VMS.

Michael Allison maintained NetHack 3.4 for the MS-DOS platform.
Paul Winner and Yitzhak Sapir provided encouragement.

Dean Luick, Mark Modrall, and Kevin Hugo maintained and enhanced the
Macintosh port of 3.4.

Michael Allison, David Cohrs, Alex Kompel, Dion Nicolaas, and Yitzhak Sapir
maintained and enhanced 3.4 for the Microsoft Windows platform.  Alex Kompel
contributed a new graphical interface for the Windows port.  Alex Kompel also
contributed a Windows CE port for 3.4.1.

Ron Van Iwaarden maintained 3.4 for OS/2.

Janne Salmijarvi and Teemu Suikki maintained and enhanced the
Amiga port of 3.4 after Janne Salmijarvi resurrected it for 3.3.1.

Christian `Marvin' Bressler maintained 3.4 for the Atari after he
resurrected it for 3.3.1.

The release of NetHack 3.4.3 in December 2003 marked the beginning of a
long release hiatus.  3.4.3 proved to be a remarkably stable version that
provided continued enjoyment by the community for more than a decade.  The
NetHack Development Team slowly and quietly continued to work on the game behind the scenes
during the tenure of 3.4.3.  It was during that same period that several
new variants emerged within the NetHack community.  Notably sporkhack by
Derek S. Ray, unnethack by Patric Mueller, nitrohack and its successors
originally by Daniel Thaler and then by Alex Smith, and
Dynahack by Tung Nguyen.  Some of those variants continue to be developed,
maintained, and enjoyed by the community to this day.

In September 2014, an interim snapshot of the code under development was
released publicly by other parties.  Since that code was a work-in-progress
and had not gone through a period of debugging, it was decided that the
version numbers present on that code snapshot would be retired and never
used in an official NetHack release.  An announcement was posted on the
NetHack Development Team's official nethack.org website to that effect, 
stating that there would never be a 3.4.4, 3.5, or 3.5.0 official release
version.

In January 2015, preparation began for the release of NetHack 3.6.

At the beginning of development for what would eventually get released
as 3.6.0, the NetHack Development Team consisted of Warwick Allison,
Michael Allison, Ken Arromdee, David Cohrs, Jessie Collet, Ken Lorber,
Dean Luick, Pat Rankin, Mike Stephenson, Janet Walz, and Paul Winner.
Leading up to the release of 3.6.0 in early 2015, new members Sean Hunt,
Pasi Kallinen, and Derek S. Ray joined the NetHack Development Team.

Near the end of the development of 3.6.0, one of the significant inspirations
for many of the humorous and fun features found in the game, author
Terry Pratchett, passed away.  NetHack 3.6.0 introduced a tribute to him.

3.6.0 was released in December 2015, and merged work done by the development
team since the release of 3.4.3 with some of the beloved community patches.
Many bugs were fixed and some code was restructured.

The NetHack Development Team, as well as Steve VanDevender and 
Kevin Smolkowski ensured that NetHack 3.6 continued to operate on various
Unix flavors as well as maintaining the X11 interface.

Ken Lorber, Haoyang Wang, Pat Rankin, and Dean Luick maintained the port
of NetHack 3.6.1 for Mac OSX.

Michael Allison, David Cohrs, Bart House, Pasi Kallinen, Alex Kompel,
Dion Nicolaas, Derek S. Ray and Yitzhak Sapir maintained the port of
NetHack 3.6 for Microsoft Windows.

Pat Rankin attempted to keep the VMS port running for NetHack 3.6,
hindered by limited access.  Kevin Smolkowski has updated and tested it
for the most recent version of OpenVMS (V8.4 as of this writing) on Alpha
and Integrity (aka Itanium aka IA64) but not VAX.

Ray Chason resurrected the msdos port for 3.6 and contributed the
necessary updates to the community at large.

In late April 2018, several hundred bug fixes for 3.6.0 and some new
features were assembled and released as NetHack 3.6.1.
The NetHack Development Team at the time of release of 3.6.1 consisted of
Warwick Allison, Michael Allison, Ken Arromdee, David Cohrs, Jessie Collet,
Pasi Kallinen, Ken Lorber, Dean Luick, Patric Mueller, Pat Rankin,
Derek S. Ray, Alex Smith, Mike Stephenson, Janet Walz and Paul Winner.

In early May 2019, another 320 bug fixes along with some enhancements and 
the adopted curses window port, were released as 3.6.2.

Bart House, who had contributed to the game as a porting team participant 
for decades, joined the NetHack Development Team in late May 2019.

NetHack 3.6.3 was released on December 5, 2019 containing over 190 bug
fixes to NetHack 3.6.2.

NetHack 3.6.4 was released on December 18, 2019 containing a security
fix and a few bug fixes.

NetHack 3.6.5 was released on January 27, 2020 containing some security fixes
and a small number of bug fixes.

NetHack 3.6.6 was released on March 8, 2020 containing a security fix and 
some bug fixes.

NetHack 3.6.7 was released in February 2023 containing a security fix and
some bug fixes.

The official NetHack web site is maintained by Ken Lorber at
http://www.nethack.org/.

On behalf of the NetHack community, thank you very much once again  to
M.  Drew  Streib and Pasi Kallinen for providing a public NetHack server
at nethack.alt.org. Thanks to  Keith  Simpson  and Andy Thomson for
hardfought.org. Thanks to all those unnamed dungeoneers who invest their
time and  effort  into  annual  NetHack tournaments  such as Junethack
and in days past, devnull.net (gone for now, but not forgotten).

                           - - - - - - - - - -

From time to time, some depraved individual out there in netland sends a
particularly intriguing modification to help out with the game.  The
NetHack Development Team sometimes makes note of the names of the worst
of these miscreants in this, the list of Dungeoneers:

    Adam Aronow               J. Ali Harlow             Mikko Juola
    Alex Kompel               Janet Walz                Nathan Eady
    Alex Smith                Janne Salmijarvi          Norm Meluch
    Andreas Dorn              Jean-Christophe Collet    Olaf Seibert
    Andy Church               Jeff Bailey               Pasi Kallinen
    Andy Swanson              Jochen Erwied             Pat Rankin
    Andy Thomson              John Kallen               Patric Mueller
    Ari Huttunen              John Rupley               Paul Winner
    Bart House                John S. Bien              Pierre Martineau
    Benson I. Margulies       Johnny Lee                Ralf Brown
    Bill Dyer                 Jon W{tte                 Ray Chason
    Boudewijn Waijers         Jonathan Handler          Richard Addison
    Bruce Cox                 Joshua Delahunty          Richard Beigel
    Bruce Holloway            Karl Garrison             Richard P. Hughey
    Bruce Mewborne            Keizo Yamamoto            Rob Menke
    Carl Schelin              Keith Simpson             Robin Bandy
    Chris Russo               Ken Arnold                Robin Johnson
    David Cohrs               Ken Arromdee              Roderick Schertler
    David Damerell            Ken Lorber                Roland McGrath
    David Gentzel             Ken Washikita             Ron Van Iwaarden
    David Hairston            Kevin Darcy               Ronnen Miller
    Dean Luick                Kevin Hugo                Ross Brown
    Del Lamb                  Kevin Sitze               Sascha Wostmann
    Derek S. Ray              Kevin Smolkowski          Scott Bigham
    Deron Meranda             Kevin Sweet               Scott R. Turner
    Dion Nicolaas             Lars Huttar               Sean Hunt
    Dylan O'Donnell           Leon Arnott               Stephen Spackman
    Eric Backus               M. Drew Streib            Stefan Thielscher
    Eric Hendrickson          Malcolm Ryan              Stephen White
    Eric R. Smith             Mark Gooderum             Steve Creps
    Eric S. Raymond           Mark Modrall              Steve Linhart
    Erik Andersen             Marvin Bressler           Steve VanDevender
    Fredrik Ljungdahl         Matthew Day               Teemu Suikki
    Frederick Roeber          Merlyn LeRoy              Tim Lennan
    Gil Neiger                Michael Allison           Timo Hakulinen
    Greg Laskin               Michael Feir              Tom Almy
    Greg Olson                Michael Hamel             Tom West
    Gregg Wonderly            Michael Sokolov           Warren Cheung
    Hao-yang Wang             Mike Engber               Warwick Allison
    Helge Hafting             Mike Gallop               Yitzhak Sapir
    Irina Rempt-Drijfhout     Mike Passaretti           
    Izchak Miller             Mike Stephenson           
Boolean options not under specific compile flags (with default values in []):
(You can learn which options exist in your version by checking your current
option setting, which is reached via the 'O' command.)

acoustics      can your character hear anything                   [TRUE]
autodescribe   describe the terrain under cursor                  [FALSE]
autodig        dig if moving and wielding digging tool            [FALSE]
autoopen       walking into a door attempts to open it            [TRUE]
autopickup     automatically pick up objects you move over        [TRUE]
autoquiver     when firing with an empty quiver, select some      [FALSE]
               suitable inventory weapon to fill the quiver
BIOS           allow the use of IBM ROM BIOS calls                [FALSE]
blind          your character is permanently blind                [FALSE]
bones          allow loading bones files                          [TRUE]
clicklook      look at map by clicking right mouse button         [FALSE]
cmdassist      give help for errors on direction & other commands [TRUE]
confirm        ask before hitting tame or peaceful monsters       [TRUE]
dark_room      show floor not in sight in different color         [TRUE]
eight_bit_tty  send 8-bit characters straight to terminal         [FALSE]
extmenu        tty, curses: use menu for # (extended commands)    [FALSE]
               X11: menu has all commands (T) or traditional subset (F)
fixinv         try to retain the same letter for the same object  [TRUE]
force_invmenu  commands asking for inventory item show a menu     [FALSE]
goldX          when filtering objects by bless/curse state,       [FALSE]
               whether to classify gold as X (unknown) or U (uncursed)
help           print all available info when using the / command  [TRUE]
herecmd_menu   show menu of some possible commands when clicking
               on yourself or next to you with mouse              [FALSE]
ignintr        ignore interrupt signal, including breaks          [FALSE]
implicit_uncursed  omit "uncursed" from inventory, if possible    [TRUE]
legacy         print introductory message                         [TRUE]
lit_corridor   show a dark corridor as lit if in sight            [FALSE]
lootabc        use a/b/c rather than o/i/b when looting           [FALSE]
mail           enable the mail daemon                             [TRUE]
mention_walls  give feedback when walking against a wall          [FALSE]
menu_objsyms   show object symbols in menus if it is selectable   [FALSE]
menu_overlay   overlay menus on the screen and align to right     [TRUE]
nudist         start your character without armor                 [FALSE]
null           allow nulls to be sent to your terminal            [TRUE]
               try turning this option off (forcing NetHack to use its own
               delay code) if moving objects seem to teleport across rooms
perm_invent    keep inventory in a permanent window               [FALSE]
pickup_thrown  override pickup_types for thrown objects           [TRUE]
pushweapon     when wielding a new weapon, put your previously    [FALSE]
               wielded weapon into the secondary weapon slot
rawio          allow the use of raw I/O                           [FALSE]
rest_on_space  count the space bar as a rest character            [FALSE]
safe_pet       prevent you from (knowingly) attacking your pet(s) [TRUE]
sanity_check   perform data sanity checks                         [FALSE]
showexp        display your accumulated experience points         [FALSE]
showrace       show yourself by your race rather than by role     [FALSE]
silent         don't use your terminal's bell sound               [TRUE]
sortpack       group similar kinds of objects in inventory        [TRUE]
sparkle        display sparkly effect for resisted magical        [TRUE]
               attacks (e.g. fire attack on fire-resistant monster)
standout       use standout mode for --More-- on messages         [FALSE]
status_updates update the status lines                            [TRUE]
time           display elapsed game time, in moves                [FALSE]
tombstone      print tombstone when you die                       [TRUE]
toptenwin      print topten in a window rather than stdout        [FALSE]
travel         enable the command to travel to a map location via [TRUE]
               a shortest-path algorithm, usually invoked by '_'.
use_darkgray   use bold black instead of blue for black glyphs.   [TRUE]
use_inverse    display detected monsters in highlighted manner    [FALSE]
verbose        print more commentary during the game              [TRUE]
whatis_menu    show menu when getting a map location              [FALSE]
whatis_moveskip skip same glyphs when getting a map location      [FALSE]


There are further boolean options controlled by compilation flags.

Boolean option if INSURANCE was set at compile time:
checkpoint     save game state after each level change, for       [TRUE]
               possible recovery after program crash

Boolean option if NEWS was set at compile time:
news           print any news from game administrator on startup  [TRUE]

Boolean option if MFLOPPY was set at compile time:
checkspace     check free disk space before writing files to disk [TRUE]

Boolean option if SCORE_ON_BOTL was set at compile time:
showscore      display your approximate accumulated score         [FALSE]

Boolean options if TEXTCOLOR was set at compile time:
color          use different colors for objects on screen [TRUE for micros]
hilite_pet     display pets in a highlighted manner               [FALSE]
hilite_pile    display item piles in a highlighted manner         [FALSE]

Boolean option if TIMED_DELAY was set at compile time (tty interface only):
timed_delay    on unix and VMS, use a timer instead of sending    [TRUE]
               extra screen output when attempting to pause for
               display effect.  on MSDOS without the termcap
               lib, whether or not to pause for visual effect.

Boolean option for Amiga, or for others if ALTMETA was set at compile time:
altmeta        For Amiga, treat Alt+key as Meta+key.              [TRUE]
altmeta        For unix and VMS, treat two character sequence
               "ESC c" as M-c (Meta+c, 8th bit set) when nethack  [FALSE]
               obtains a command from player's keyboard.

Boolean option if USE_TILES was set at compile time (MSDOS protected mode):
preload_tiles  control whether tiles get pre-loaded into RAM at   [TRUE]
               the start of the game.  Doing so enhances performance
               of the tile graphics, but uses more memory.

Boolean option if TTY_TILES_ESCCODES was set at compile time (tty only):
vt_tiledata    insert extra data escape code markers into output  [FALSE]

Any Boolean option can be negated by prefixing it with a '!' or 'no'.


Compound options are written as option_name:option_value.

Compound options which can be set during the game are:

boulder       override the default boulder symbol                       [`]
disclose      the types of information you want         [ni na nv ng nc no]
              offered at the end of the game
              (space separated list of two-character values;
              prefix: '+' always disclose, '-' never disclose,
              'n' prompt with default "no", 'y' prompt with default "yes",
              'a' prompt to select sorting order (for suffix 'v' only);
              suffix: 'i' inventory, 'a' attributes, 'v' vanquished
              monsters, 'g' genocided and extinct monsters, 'c' conduct,
              'o' dungeon overview)
fruit         the name of a fruit you enjoy eating             [slime mold]
              (basically a whimsy which NetHack uses from time to time).
menustyle     user interface for selection of multiple objects:      [Full]
              Traditional -- prompt for classes of interest, then
                             prompt item-by-item for those classes;
              Combination -- prompt for classes of interest, then
                             use a menu for choosing items;
              Full        -- menu for classes of interest, then item menu;
              Partial     -- skip class filtering, use menu of all items;
              only the first letter ('T','C','F','P') matters
              (With Traditional, many actions allow pseudo-class 'm' to
              request a menu for choosing items: one-shot Combination.)
number_pad    alphabetic versus numeric control over movement:          [0]
               0 -- traditional hjkl + yubn movement (default);
               1 -- digits control movement, for use with numeric keypad;
               2 -- same as 1, but '5' works as 'g' prefix rather than 'G';
               3 -- numeric for phone keypad (1,2,3 above, 7,8,9 below);
               4 -- phone keypad (3) combined with '5' preference (2);
              -1 -- alphabetic movement but 'z' swapped with 'y'.
              Setting number_pad (to a positive value) affects how all
              digit keys are handled, not just those on numeric keypad.
packorder     a list of default symbols for kinds of       [")[%?+!=/(*`0_]
              objects that gives the order in which your inventory (and
              some other things) gets shown if the 'sortpack' option is on
              (If you specify only some kinds of items, the others from the
              default order will be appended to the end.)
paranoid_confirmation  space separated list    [paranoid_confirmation:pray]
              of situations where alternate prompting is desired
              Confirm -- when requiring "yes", also require "no" to reject
              quit    -- yes vs y to confirm quitting or to enter explore mode
              die     -- yes vs y to confirm dying (for explore or debug mode)
              bones   -- yes vs y to confirm saving bones data in debug mode
              attack  -- yes vs y to confirm attacking a peaceful monster
              wand-break  -- yes vs y to confirm breaking a wand
              eating  -- yes vs y to confirm whether to continue eating
              Were-change -- yes vs y to confirm changing form due to
                      lycanthropy when hero has polymorph control;
              pray    -- y to confirm an attempt to pray; on by default
              Remove  -- always pick from inventory for 'R' and 'T' even when
                      wearing just one applicable item to remove or take off
pickup_burden when you pick up an item that exceeds this encumbrance    [S]
              level (Unencumbered, Burdened, streSsed, straiNed, overTaxed,
              or overLoaded), you will be asked if you want to continue.
pickup_types  a list of default symbols for kinds of objects to          []
              autopickup when that option is on; empty list means "all"
pile_limit    for feedback when walking across floor objects,           [5]
              threshold at which "there are objects here" is displayed
              instead of listing them.  (0 means "always list objects.")
runmode       controls how often the map window is updated for        [run]
              multi-step movement (various running modes or travel command):
              teleport -- don't update map until movement stops;
              run      -- periodically update map (interval is seven steps);
              walk     -- update map after every step;
              crawl    -- like walk, but delay after making each step.
              (This only affects screen display, not actual movement.)
scores        the parts of the score list you wish    [!own/3 top/2 around]
              to see when the game ends.  You choose a combination of
              top scores, scores around the top scores, and all of your
              own scores.
suppress_alert disable various version-specific warnings about changes   []
              in game play or the user interface, such as notification given
              for the 'Q' command that quitting is now done via #quit
              (e.g., use suppress_alert:3.3.1 to stop that and any other
              notifications added in that version or earlier)
whatis_coord  controls whether to include map coordinates when          [n]
              autodescribe is active for the '/' and ';' commands.
              Value is the first letter of one of
              compass      -- (relative to you; 'east' or '3s' or '2n,4w')
              full compass -- ('east' or '3south' or '2north,4west')
              map          -- <x,y>        (map column x=0 is not used)
              screen       -- [row,column] (row is offset to match tty usage)
              none         -- no coordinates shown.
whatis_filter controls how to filter eligible map coordinates when      [n]
              getting a map location for eg. the travel command.
              Value is the one of
              n - no filtering
              v - locations in view only
              a - locations in same area (room, corridor, etc)

Compound options which may be set only on startup are:

align      Your starting alignment (lawful, neutral, chaotic,      [random]
           or random).  Many roles restrict the choice to a subset.
           You may specify just the first letter.
catname    the name of your first cat                                [none]
dogname    the name of your first dog                                [none]
           Several roles who start with a dog have one whose name is
           pre-set (for example, "Hachi" for Samurai), but that name
           will be overridden if you specify dogname.
gender     Your starting gender (male, female, or random).         [random]
           You may specify just the first letter.  Although you can
           still denote your gender using the old "male" and "female"
           boolean options, the "gender" option will take precedence.
horsename  the name of your first horse                              [none]
menu_*     specify single character accelerators for menu commands.
           Here is a list of all commands with their default keystroke
           followed by a list of window-ports that implement them:
           'x' is X11, 't' is tty, 'g' is Gem, 'a' is Amiga.
           menu_deselect_all  deselect all items in a menu         [-](xtga)
           menu_deselect_page deselect all items on this menu page [\](tga)
           menu_first_page    jump to the first page in a menu     [^](tga)
           menu_invert_all    invert all items in a menu           [@](xtga)
           menu_invert_page   invert all items on this menu page   [~](tga)
           menu_last_page     jump to the last page in a menu      [|](tga)
           menu_next_page     goto the next menu page              [>](tga)
           menu_previous_page goto the previous menu page          [<](tga)
           menu_search        search for a menu item               [:](xtga)
           menu_select_all    select all items in a menu           [.](xtga)
           menu_select_page   select all items on this menu page   [,](tga)
msghistory number of top line messages to save                         [20]
name       the name of your character      [defaults to username on multi-
           user systems, asks "who are you?" on single-user systems or if
           the username is classified as generic like "games"]
           MS Windows is treated as single-user even though it supports
           usernames.  If character name is specified on the command
           line (typically via 'nethack -u myname' depending upon type
           of system and method of access to it), that name overrides
           'name' from your options.
pettype    your preferred type of pet (cat, dog, horse, random,    [random]
           or none), if your role allows more than one type (or if you
           want to avoid a starting pet).  Most roles allow dog or cat
           but not horse.  For roles which force a particular type,
           pettype is ignored unless it specifies 'none'.
playmode   normal play or non-scoring explore mode or debug mode   [normal]
race       Your starting race (e.g., race:Human, race:Elf).        [random]
           Most roles restrict race choice to a subset.
role       Your starting role (e.g., role:Barbarian, role:Valk).   [random]
           Although you can specify just the first letter(s), it will
           choose only the first role it finds that matches; thus, it
           is recommended that you spell out as much of the role name
           as possible.  You can also still denote your role by
           appending it to the "name" option (e.g., name:Vic-V), but
           the "role" option will take precedence.
windowtype windowing system to be used    [depends on operating system and
           compile-time setup]    if more than one choice is available.
           Most instances of the program support only one window-type;
           when that is the case, you don't need to specify anything.
           The list of supported window-types in your program can be
           seen while the program is running by using the #version
           command or from outside the program by examining the text file
           named 'options' which is generated when building it.

Compound option if TTY_GRAPHICS was set at compile time:
msg_window the type of message window to use:                      [single]
           single      -- One message at a time
           full        -- Full window with all saved top line messages
           reverse     -- Same as full, but messages printed most-recent-first
           combination -- Two single messages, then as full


Some sample options lists are:
!autopickup,!tombstone,name:Gandalf,scores:own/3 top/2 around
female,nonews,dogname:Rover,rest_on_space,!verbose,menustyle:traditional
Debug-Mode Quick Reference:

^E  ==  detect secret doors and traps
^F  ==  map level; reveals traps and secret corridors but not secret doors
^G  ==  create monster by name or class
^I  ==  identify items in pack
^T  ==  do intra-level teleport
^V  ==  do trans-level teleport; '?' yields menu of special destinations
^W  ==  make a wish for an item or a trap or a limited subset of terrain
^X  ==  show status, attributes, and characteristics (extended enlightenment)

#levelchange    == set hero's experience level
#lightsources   == show mobile light sources
#panic          == panic test (warning: current game will be terminated)
#polyself       == polymorph self
#seenv          == show seen vectors
#stats          == show memory statistics
#terrain        == show current level (more options than in normal play)
#timeout        == look at timeout queue and hero's timed intrinsics
#vanquished     == disclose counts of dead monsters sorted in various ways
#vision         == show vision array
#wizintrinsic   == set selected intrinsic timeouts
#wizmakemap     == recreate the current dungeon level
#wizrumorcheck  == validate first and last rumor for true and false set
#wizsmell       == smell a monster
#wizwhere       == show dungeon placement of all special levels
#wmode          == show wall modes

Options:
monpolycontrol  == prompt for new form whenever any monster changes shape
sanity_check    == evaluate monsters, objects, and map prior to each turn
wizweight       == augment object descriptions with their objects' weight
     @      ~a!    XIH            The Dungeons of Doom                                                D   rogue                     d          R   oracle                    d           O   bigrm                   
  (   
       B   medusa                   d             castle                    d               The Gnomish Mines                 Sokoban                              The Quest                           Fort Ludios                      Gehennom                              The Elemental Planes             Gehennom                                                           G   valley                     d           V   sanctum                   d               juiblex                   d           J   baalz                     d           B   asmodeus                  d           A   wizard1                   d               wizard2                    d       
       X   wizard3                    d       
       Y   orcus                   
  d           O   fakewiz1                 d           F   fakewiz2                 d           G   Vlad's Tower            	         The Gnomish Mines                                 D                  M   minetn                    d         T   minend                    d          E   The Quest                                                            Q   x-strt                    d               x-loca                    d           L   x-goal                    d               Sokoban                                            $                  soko1                      d              soko2                      d              soko3                      d              soko4                      d              Fort Ludios                                                          K   knox                      d           K   Vlad's Tower            tower                                    T   tower1                     d               tower2                     d               tower3                     d               The Elemental Planes                                             E   astral                     d               water                      d               fire                       d               air                        d               earth                      d               dummy                      d               # NetHack 3.6  tribute       $NHDT-Date: 1574107001 2019/11/18 19:56:41 $  $NHDT-Branch: NetHack-3.6 $:$NHDT-Revision: 1.86 $
# Copyright (c) 2017 by Robert Patrick Rankin
# NetHack may be freely redistributed.  See license for details.
# A tribute introduced in NetHack 3.6.0 to:
#
#         Sir Terence David John "Terry" Pratchett
#              April 28, 1948 - March 12, 2015
# ("or until the ripples he caused in the world die away...")
#
#
%section books
#
#
#
%title The Colour of Magic  (14)
# p. 67 (Signet edition; 'Morpork':  initially Ankh and Morpork were twin
#        cities with distinct characteristics on opposite sides of the Ankh
#        river--they were eventually consolidated into Ankh-Morpork without
#        regard to which area was where)
%passage 1
It has been remarked before that those who are sensitive to radiations in
the far octarine--the eighth colour, the pigment of the Imagination--can
see things that others cannot.

Thus it was that Rincewind, hurrying through the crowded, flare-lit,
evening bazaars of Morpork with the Luggage trundling behind him, jostled
a tall dark figure, turned to deliver a few suitable curses, and beheld
Death.

It had to be Death.  No-one else went around with empty eye sockets and,
of course, the scythe over one shoulder was another clue.  [...]

  [The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage 1
# p. 116
%passage 2
As he was drawn towards the Eye the terror-struck Rincewind raised the box
protectively, and at the same time heard the picture imp say, "They're
about ripe now, can't hold them any longer.  Everyone smile, please."

There was a--
--flash of light so white and so bright--
--it didn't seem like light at all.

Bel-Shamharoth screamed, a sound that started in the far ultrasonic and
finished somewhere in Rincewind's bowels.  The tentacles went momentarily
as stiff as rods, hurling their various cargoes around the room, before
bunching up protectively in front of the abused Eye.  The whole mass
dropped into the pit and a moment later the big slab was snatched up by
several dozen tentacles and slammed into place, leaving a number of
thrashing limbs trapped around the edge.

  [The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage 2
# p. 8 (passage starts mid-paragraph)
%passage 3
[...]  In the meantime, they could only speculate about the revealed
cosmos.

There was, for example, the theory that A'Tuin had come from nowhere and
would continue at a uniform crawl, or steady gait, into nowhere, for all
time.  This theory was popular among academics.

An alternative, favoured by those of a religious persuasion, was that
A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating, as were
all the stars in the sky which were, obviously, also carried by giant
turtles.  When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for
the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be
born to carry a new pattern of worlds.  This was known as the Big Bang
hypothesis.

  [The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 13 (end of a long footnote; the initial obsession with 'eight' ended
#        fairly quickly within the Discworld series)
%passage 4
[...]

There are, of course, eight days in a disc week and eight colours in its
light spectrum.  Eight is a number of some considerable occult
significance on the disc and must never, ever, be spoken by a wizard.

Precisely why all the above should be so is not clear, but goes some way
to explain why, on the disc, the Gods are not so much worshipped as blamed.

  [The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 38 (first speaker is Rincewind, second is a pre-Vetinari Patrician)
%passage 5
"I assure you the thought never even crossed my mind, lord."

"Indeed?  Then if I were you I'd sue my face for slander."

  [The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 41 (title of 5th book is "Sourcery" but it's spelled "sorcery" here;
#        'organising': British spelling)
%passage 6
All the heroes of the Circle Sea passed through the gates of Ankh-Morpork
sooner or later.  Most of them were from the barbaric tribes nearer the
frozen Hub, which had a sort of export trade in heroes.  Almost all of
them had crude magic swords, whose unsuppressed harmonics on the astral
plane played hell with any delicate experiments in applied sorcery for
miles around, but Rincewind didn't object to them on that score.  He knew
himself to be a magical dropout, so it didn't bother him that the mere
appearance of a hero at the city gates was enough to cause retorts to
explode and demons to materialize all through the Magical Quarter.  No,
what he didn't like about heroes was that they were usually suicidally
gloomy when sober and homicidally insane when drunk.  There were too many
of them, too.  Some of the most notable questing grounds were a veritable
hubbub in the season.  There was talk of organising a rota.

  [The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 82-83 (passage starts mid-paragraph;
#            pronouns for deities are not capitalized;
#            Bravd and the Weasel, obviously a parody of Fritz Leiber's
#            Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser, appear at the beginning of the 1st
#            of 4 stories and then are left behind, never to be seen again;
#            "wenegrade wiffard" is Rincewind and "fome fort of clerk" is
#            Twoflower the tourist; the seemingly abrupt end of the passage
#            is the end of the 2nd of the 4 stories that make up the book;
#            'centre': British spelling; 'billion': British usage gives it a
#            value of 'million millions', equivalent to American 'trillion';
#            the second paragraph of this passage is the data.base quote
#            for "blind io" and the second half of the passage is the
#            data.base quote for "*lady" and "offler")
%passage 7
[...]  The disc gods themselves, despite the splendor of the world below
them, are seldom satisfied.  It is embarrassing to know that one is a god
of a world that only exists because every improbability curve must have
its far end; especially when one can peer into other dimensions at worlds
whose Creators had more mechanical aptitude than imagination.  No wonder,
then, that the disc gods spend more time bickering than in omnicognizance.

On this particular day Blind Io, by dint of constant vigilance the chief
of the gods, sat with his chin on his hand and looked at the gaming board
on the red marble table in front of him.  Blind Io had got his name
because, where his eye sockets should have been, there were nothing but
two areas of blank skin.  His eyes, of which he had an impressively large
number, led a semi-independent life of their own.  Several were currently
hovering above the table.

The gaming board was a carefully-carved map of the disc world, overprinted
with squares.  A number of beautifully modelled playing pieces were now
occupying some of the squares.  A human onlooker would, for example, have
recognized in two of them the likenesses of Bravd and the Weasel.  Others
represented yet more heroes and champions, of which the disc had a more
than adequate supply.

Still in the game were Io, Offler the Crocodile God, Zephyrus the god of
slight breezes, Fate, and the Lady.  There was an air of concentration
around the board now that the lesser players had been removed from the
Game.  Chance had been an early casualty, running her hero into a full
house of armed gnolls (the result of a lucky throw by Offler) and shortly
afterwards Night had cashed his chips, pleading an appointment with
Destiny.  Several minor deities had drifted up and were kibitzing over
the shoulders of the players.

Side bets were made that the Lady would be the next to leave the board.
Her last champion of any standing was now a pinch of potash in the ruins
of still-smoking Ankh-Morpork, and there were hardly any pieces that she
could promote to first rank.

Blind Io took up the dice-box, which was a skull whose various orifices
had been stoppered with rubies, and with several of his eyes on the Lady
he rolled three fives.

She smiled.  This was the nature of the Lady's eyes:  they were bright
green, lacking iris or pupil, and they glowed from within.

The room was silent as she scrabbled in her box of pieces and, from the
very bottom, produced a couple that she set down on the board with two
decisive clicks.  The rest of the players, as one God, craned forward to
peer at them.

"A wenegrade wiffard and fome fort of clerk," said Offler the Crocodile
God, hindered as usual by his tusks.  "Well, weally!"  With one claw he
pushed a pile of bone-white tokens into the centre of the table.

The Lady nodded slightly.  She picked up the dice-cup and held it as steady
as a rock, yet all the gods could hear the three cubes rattling about
inside.  And then she sent them bouncing across the table.

A six.  A three.  A five.

Something was happening to the five, however.  Battered by the chance
collision of several billion molecules, the die flipped onto a point, spun
gently and came down a seven.

Blind Io picked up the cube and counted the sides.

"Come /on/," he said wearily.  "Play fair."

  [The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 84 (Ankh-Morpork was burned soon after Twoflower introduced the concept
#        of fire insurance; a longer version of this passage is the data.base
#        quote for "tourist")
%passage 8
Picturesque.  That was a new word to Rincewind the wizard (B. Mgc.,
Unseen University [failed]).  It was one of a number he had picked up
since leaving the charred ruins of Ankh-Morpork.  Quaint was another one.
Picturesque meant--he decided after careful observation of the scenery
that inspired Twoflower to use the word--that the landscape was horribly
precipitous.  Quaint, when used to describe the occasional village through
which they passed, meant fever-ridden and tumbledown.

Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the discworld.  Tourist,
Rincewind decided, meant "idiot."

  [The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 85 ('memorising': British spelling)
%passage 9
Currently Twoflower was showing a great interest in the theory and practice
of magic.

"It all seems, well, rather useless to me," he said.  "I always thought
that, you know, a wizard just said the words and that was that.  Not all
this tedious memorising."

Rincewind agreed moodily.  He tried to explain that magic had indeed once
been wild and lawless, but had been tamed back in the mists of time by the
Olden Ones, who had bound it to obey among other things the Law of
Conservation of Reality; this demanded that the effort needed to achieve
a goal should be the same regardless of the means used.  In practical
terms, this meant that, say, creating the illusion of a glass of wine was
relatively easy, since it involved merely the subtle shifting of light
patterns.  On the other hand, lifting a genuine wineglass a few feet in
the air by sheer mental energy required several hours of systematic
preparation if the wizard wished to prevent the simple principle of
leverage flicking his brain out through his ears.

He went on to add that some of the ancient magic could still be found in
its raw state, recognizable--to the initiated--by the eightfold shape it
made in the crystalline structure of space-time.  There was the metal
octiron, for example, and the gas octogen.  Both radiated dangerous
amounts of raw enchantment.

  [The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 166 ('Lio!rt' with embedded exclamation point is correct; book's text
#         is missing the opening quote before ["]You arrogant barbarian--")
%passage 10
"I challenge you," said Hrun, glaring at the brothers, "both at once."

Lio!rt and Liartes exchanged looks.

"You'll fight us both together?" said Liartes, a tall, wiry man with long
black hair.

"Yah."

"That's pretty uneven odds, isn't it?"

"Yah.  I outnumber you one to two."

Lio!rt scowled.  "You arrogant barbarian--"

"That just about does it!" growled Hrun.  "I'll--"

The Loremaster put out a blue-veined hand to restrain him.

"It is forbidden to fight on the Killing Ground," he said, and paused
while he considered the sense of this.  "You know what I mean, anyway," he
hazarded, giving up, and added, "As the challenged parties my lords Lio!rt
and Liartes have choice of weapons."

"Dragons," they said together.  Liessa snorted.

"Dragons can be used offensively, therefore they are weapons," said Lio!rt
firmly.  "If you disagree we can fight over it."

"Yah," said his brother, nodding at Hrun.

  [The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 196
%passage 11
Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do.
Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth.  But the captain had
long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality
by not dying.

  [The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 201 (entire paragraph is enclosed within parentheses)
%passage 12
Plants on the disc, while including the categories known commonly as
/annuals/, which were sown this year to come up later this year,
/biennials/, sown this year to grow next year, and /perennials/, sown this
year to grow until further notice, also included a few rare /re-annuals/
which, because of an unusual four-dimensional twist in their genes, could
be planted this year to come up /last year/.  The /vul/ nut vine was
particularly exceptional in that it could flourish as many as eight years
prior to its seed actually being sown.  /Vul/ nut wine was reputed to give
certain drinkers an insight into the future which was, from the nut's
point of view, the past.  Strange but true.

  [The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 217 (Rincewind and Twoflower are slated to become ritual sacrifices)
%passage 13
"I hope you're not proposing to enslave us," said Twoflower.

Marchesa looked genuinely shocked.  "Certainly not!  Whatever could
have given you that idea?  Your lives in Krull will be rich, full and
comfortable--"

"Oh, good," said Rincewind.

"--just not very long."

  [The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 228-229 (passage starts mid-paragraph)
%passage 14
[...]  She was the Goddess Who Must Not Be Named; those who sought her
never found her, yet she was known to come to the aid of those in greatest
need.  And, then again, sometimes she didn't.  She was like that.  She
didn't like the clicking of rosaries, but was attracted to the sound of
dice.  No man knew what She looked like, although there were many times
when a man who was gambling his life on the turn of the cards would pick
up the hand he had been dealt and stare Her full in the face.  Of course,
sometimes he didn't.  Among all the gods she was at one and the same time
the most courted and the most cursed.

  [The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title The Light Fantastic (12)
# p. 92 (Signet edition)
%passage 1
'Cohen ish my name, boy.'  Bethan's hands stopped moving.

'Cohen?' she said.  'Cohen the Barbarian?'

'The very shame.'

'Hang on, hang on,' said Rincewind.  'Cohen's a great big chap, neck like a
bull, got chest muscles like a sack of footballs.  I mean, he's the Disc's
greatest warrior, a legend in his own lifetime.  I remember my grandad
telling me he saw him... my grandad telling me he... my grandad...'

He faltered under the gimlet gaze.

'Oh,' he said.  'Oh.  Of course.  Sorry.'

'Yesh,' said Cohen, and sighed.  'That's right boy.  I'm a lifetime in my
own legend.'

  [The Light Fantastic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage 1
# p. 113 (Twoflower is teaching the Riders how to play bridge;
#         in /The Light Fantastic/, Death's dialog uses quotation marks
#         and full uppercase rather than the small capital letters used in
#         the other books)
%passage 2
Death sat at one side of a black baize table in the centre of the room,
arguing with Famine, War and Pestilence.  Twoflower was the only one to
look up and notice Rincewind.

'Hey, how did you get here?' he said.

'Well, some say that the creator took a handful--oh, I see, well, it's
hard to explain but I--'

'Have you got the Luggage?'

The wooden box pushed past Rincewind and settled down in front of its
owner, who opened its lid and rummaged around inside until he came up with
a small, leatherbound book which he handed to War, who was hammering the
table with a mailed fist.

'It's "Nosehinger on the Laws of Contract",' he said.  'It's quite good,
there's a lot in it about double finessing and how to--'

Death snatched the book with a bony hand and flipped through the pages,
quite oblivious to the presence of the two men.

'RIGHT,' he said, 'PESTILENCE, OPEN ANOTHER PACK OF CARDS.  I'M GOING TO
GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS IF IT KILLS ME.  FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING OF COURSE.'

  [The Light Fantastic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage 2
# p. 7 (passage starts mid-sentence; the too-long-to-answer question is
#       "Why have Rincewind and Twoflower fallen off the Disc's rim?",
#       alluding to the conclusion of /The Colour of Magic/;
#       in /Sourcery/ and /Interesting Times/ and probably others, the
#       famous philosopher's name is spelled "Ly Tin Wheedle")
%passage 3
[...] such questions take time and could be more trouble than they are
worth.  For example, it is said that someone at a party once asked the
famous philosopher Ly Tin Weedle "Why are you here?" and the reply took
three years.

  [The Light Fantastic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 8 ('libraries': plural is accurate)
%passage 4
The only furnishing in the room was a lectern of dark wood, carved into the
shape of a bird--well, to be frank, into the shape of a winged thing it is
probably best not to examine too closely--and on the lectern, fastened to
it by a heavy chain covered in padlocks, was a book.

A large, but not particularly impressive, book.  Other books in the
University's libraries had covers inlaid with rare jewels and fascinating
wood, or bound with dragon skin.  This one was just a rather tatty leather.
It looked the sort of book described in library catalogues as "slightly
foxed," although it would be more honest to admit that it looked as though
it had been badgered, wolved and possibly beared as well.

  [The Light Fantastic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 41-42
%passage 5
The barbarian chieftain said:  "What then are the greatest things that a
man may find in life?"  This is the sort of thing you're supposed to say to
maintain steppecred in barbarian circles.

The man on his right thoughtfully drank his cocktail of mare's milk and
snowcat blood, and spoke thus:  "The crisp horizon of the steppe, the wind
in your hair, a fresh horse under you."

The man on his left said:  "The cry of the white eagle in the heights, the
fall of snow in the forest, a true arrow in your bow."

The chieftain nodded and said:  "Surely it is the sight of your enemy
slain, the humiliation of his tribe and the lamentation of his women."

There was a general murmur of whiskery approval at this outrageous display.

Then the chieftain turned respectfully to his guest, a small figure
carefully warming his chilblains by the fire, and said:  "But our guest,
whose name is legend, must tell us truly:  what is it that a man may call
the greatest things in life?"

The guest paused in the middle of another unsuccessful attempt to light up.

"What shay?" he said, toothlessly.

"I said:  what is it that a man may call the greatest things in life?"

The warriors leaned closer.  This should be worth hearing.

The guest thought long and hard and then said, with deliberation:  "Hot
water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper."

  [The Light Fantastic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 48 (Hanzel and Gretel, obviously...)
%passage 6
"Have a bit more table," said Rincewind.

"No thanks, I don't like marzipan," said Twoflower.  "Anyway, I'm sure it's
not right to eat other people's furniture."

"Don't worry," said Swires.  "The old witch hasn't been seen for years.
They say she was done up good and proper by a couple of young tearaways."

"Kids of today," said Rincewind.

"I blame the parents," said Twoflower.

  [The Light Fantastic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 103
%passage 7
It is a well known fact that warriors and wizards do not get along, because
one side considers the other side to be a collection of bloodthirsty idiots
who can't walk and think at the same time, while the other side is naturally
suspicious of a body of men who mumble a lot and wear long dresses.  Oh, say
the wizards, if we're going to be like that, then, what about all those
studded collars and oiled muscles down at the Young Men's Pagan Association?
To which the heroes reply, that's a pretty good allegation coming from a
bunch of wimpsoes who won't go near a woman on account, can you believe it,
of their mystical power being sort of drained out.  Right, say the wizards,
that just about does it, you and your leather posing pouches.  Oh yeah, say
the heroes, why don't you...

And so on.  This sort of thing has been going on for centuries, and caused
a number of major battles which have left large tracts of land uninhabitable
because of magical harmonics.

  [The Light Fantastic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 128
%passage 8
"He'sh mad?"

"Sort of mad.  But mad with lots of money."

"Ah, then he can't be mad.  I've been around; if a man hash lotsh of money
he'sh just ecshentric."

  [The Light Fantastic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 182 (Cohen is now wearing dentures with teeth made from diamonds)
%passage 9
Cohen tapped him on the shoulder.  The man looked around irritably.

"What do you want, grandad?" he snarled.

Cohen paused until he had the man's full attention, and then he smiled.  It
was a slow, lazy smile, unveiling about 300 carats of mouth jewelry that
seemed to light up the room.

"I will count to three," he said, in a friendly tone of voice.  "One, Two."
His bony knee came up in the man's groin with a satisfyingly meaty noise,
and he half-turned to bring the full force of an elbow into the kidneys as
the leader collapsed around his private universe of pain.

"Three," to told the ball of agony on the floor.  Cohen had heard of
fighting fair, and had long ago decided he wanted no part of it.

  [The Light Fantastic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 193-194 (this passage is the data.base quote for shopkeeper)
%passage 10
There have been three general theories put forward to explain the
phenomenon of the wandering shops, or as they are generically known,
/tabernae vagantes/.

The first postulates that many thousands of years ago there evolved
somewhere in the multiverse a race whose single talent was to buy cheap
and sell dear.  Soon they controlled a vast galactic empire or, as they put
it, Emporium, and the more advanced members of the species found a way to
equip their very shops with unique propulsion units that could break the
dark walls of space itself and open up vast new markets.  And long after
the worlds of the Emporium perished in the heat death of their particular
universe, after one last defiant fire sale, the wandering starshops still
ply their trade, eating their way through the pages of space-time like a
worm through a three-volume novel.

The second is that they are the creation of a sympathetic Fate, charged
with the role of supplying exactly the right thing at the right time.

The third is that they are simply a very clever way of getting around the
various Sunday Closing acts.

All these theories, diverse as they are, have two things in common.  They
explain the observed facts, and they are completely and utterly wrong.

  [The Light Fantastic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 205
%passage 11
"Where do they all come from?" said Twoflower, as they fled yet another mob.

"Inside every sane person there's a madman struggling to get out," said the
shopkeeper,  "That's what I've always thought.  No one goes mad quicker than
a totally sane person."

  [The Light Fantastic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 229-230 ('grey': British spelling is accurate)
%passage 12
Trymon was looking at him.  /Something/ was looking at him.  And still the
others hadn't noticed.  Could he even explain it?  Trymon looked the same
as he had always done, except for the eyes, and a slight sheen to his skin.

Rincewind stared, and knew that there were far worse things than Evil.  All
the demons in Hell would torture your very soul, but that was precisely
because they value souls very highly; evil would always try to steal the
universe, but at least it considered the universe worth stealing.  But the
grey world behind those empty eyes would trample and destroy without even
according its victims the dignity of hatred.  It wouldn't even notice them.

  [The Light Fantastic, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Equal Rites (10)
# p. 118 (Signet edition; passage starts mid-sentence and ends mid-paragraph)
%passage 1
[...] it is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing
that what you're attempting can't be done.  [...]

  [Equal Rites, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 218 (speaker is Granny Weatherwax)
%passage 2
"Million-to-one chances," she said, "crop up nine times out of ten."

  [Equal Rites, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 96-97 ('Tannoy': public address speaker)
%passage 3
Animal minds are simple, and therefore sharp.  Animals never spend time
dividing experience into little bits and speculating about all the bits
they've missed.  The whole panoply of the universe has been neatly
expressed to them as things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from,
and (d) rocks.  This frees the mind from unnecessary thoughts and gives
it a cutting edge where it matters.  Your normal animal, in fact, never
tries to walk and chew gum at the same time.

The average human, on the other hand, thinks about all sorts of things
around the clock, on all sorts of levels, with interruptions from dozens
of biological calendars and timepieces.  There's thoughts about to be said,
and private thoughts, and real thoughts, and thoughts about thoughts, and
a whole gamut of subconscious thoughts.  To a telepath the human head is
a din.  It is a railway terminus with all the Tannoys talking at once.
It is a complete FM waveband--and some of those stations aren't reputable,
they're outlawed pirates on forbidden seas who play late-night records with
limbic lyrics.

  [Equal Rites, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 18-19
%passage 4
Smith took a spade from beside the back door and hesitated.

"Granny."

"What?"

"Do you know how wizards like to be buried?"

"Yes!"

"Well, how?"

Granny paused at the bottom of the stairs.

"Reluctantly."

  [Equal Rites, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 70
%passage 5
Granny sighed.  "You have learned something," she said, and thought it
was safe to insert a touch of sternness into her voice.  "They say that a
little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it is not one half so bad as a
lot of ignorance."

  [Equal Rites, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 113-114 (Esk is a young girl)
%passage 6
The barges stopped at some of the towns.  By tradition only the men went
ashore, and only Amschat, wearing his ceremonial Lying hat, spoke to
non-Zoons.  Esk usually went with him.  He tried hinting that she should
obey the unwritten rules of Zoon life and stay afloat, but a hint was to
Esk what a mosquito bite was to the average rhino because she was already
learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly
rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.

  [Equal Rites, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 119-120 (next passage is a direct continuation of this one)
%passage 7
The town was smaller than Ohulan, and very different because it lay on the
junction of three trade routes quite apart from the river itself.  It was
built around one enormous square which was a cross between a permanent
exotic traffic jam and a tent village.  Camels kicked mules, mules kicked
horses, horses kicked camels and they all kicked humans; there was a riot
of colours, a din of noise, a nasal orchestration of smells and the steady,
heady sound of hundreds of people working hard at making money.

One reason for the bustle was that over large parts of the continent other
people preferred to make money without working at all, and since the Disc
had yet to develop a music recording industry they were forced to fall back
on older, more traditional forms of banditry.

Strangely enough these often involved considerable effort.  Rolling heavy
rocks to the top of cliffs for a decent ambush, cutting down trees to
block the road, and digging a pit lined with spikes while still keeping a
wicked edge on a dagger probably involved a much greater expenditure of
thought and muscle than more socially-acceptable professions but,
nevertheless, there were still people misguided enough to endure all this,
plus long nights in uncomfortable surroundings, merely to get their hands
on perfectly ordinary large boxes of jewels.

  [Equal Rites, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 120-121 (this passage is a direct continuation of preceding one;
#              "I said, what is happening here?" actually omits "is"
#              but must be a typo--fixed here to avoid bug reports;
#              'broomstick' is Esk's disguised wizard's staff)
%passage 8
So a town like Zemphis was the place where caravans split, mingled and
came together again, as dozens of merchants and travellers banded together
for protection against the socially disadvantaged on the trails ahead.
Esk, wandering unregarded amidst the bustle, learned all this by the simple
method of finding someone who looked important and tugging on the hem of
his coat.

This particular man was counting bales of tobacco and would have succeeded
but for the interruption.

"What?"

"I said, what is happening here?"

The man meant to say:  "Push off and bother someone else."  He meant to
give her a light cuff about the head.  So he was astonished to find himself
bending down and talking seriously to a small, grubby-faced child holding
a large broomstick (which also, it seemed to him later, was in some
indefinable way /paying attention/).

He explained about the caravans.  The child nodded.

"People all get together to travel?"

"Precisely."

"Where to?"

"All sorts of places.  Sto Lat, Pseudopolis... Ankh-Morpork, of course...."

"But the river goes there," said Esk, reasonably.  "Barges.  The Zoons."

"Ah, yes," said the merchant, "but they charge high prices and they can't
carry everything and, anyway, no one trusts them much."

"But they're very honest!"

"Huh, yes," he said.  "But you know what they say:  never trust an honest
man."  He smiled knowingly.

"Who says that?"

"They do.  You know.  People," he said, a certain uneasiness entering his
voice.

"Oh," said Esk.  She thought about it.  "They must be very silly," she said
primly.  "Thank you, anyway."

  [Equal Rites, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 127-128 (this time broomstick is Granny's defective witch's broomstick)
%passage 9
The broomstick lay between two trestles.  Granny Weatherwax sat on a rock
outcrop while a dwarf half her height, wearing an apron that was a mass of
pockets, walked around the broom and occasionally poked it.

Eventually he kicked the bristles and gave a long intake of breath, a sort
of reverse whistle, which is the secret sign of craftsman across the
universe and means that something expensive is about to happen.

"Weellll," he said.  "I could get the apprentices in to look at this, I
could.  It's an education in itself.  And you say it actually managed to
get airborne?"

"It flew like a bird," said Granny.

The dwarf lit a pipe.  "I should very much like to see that bird," he said
reflectively.  "I should imagine it's quite something to watch, a bird like
that."

"Yes, but can you repair it?" said Granny.  "I'm in a hurry."

The dwarf sat down, slowly and deliberately.

"As for /repair/," he said, "well, I don't know about /repair/.  Rebuild,
maybe.  Of course, it's hard to get the bristles these days even if you can
find people to do the proper binding, and the spells need--"

"I don't want it rebuilt, I just want it to work properly," said Granny.

"It's an early model, you see," the dwarf plugged on.  "Very tricky, those
early models.  You can't get the wood--"

He was picked up bodily until his eyes were level with Granny's.  Dwarves,
being magical in themselves as it were, are quite resistant to magic but
her expression looked as though she was trying to weld his eyeballs to the
back of his skull.

"Just repair it," she hissed.  "Please?"

"What, make a bodge job?" said the dwarf, his pipe clattering to the floor.

"Yes."

"Patch it up, you mean?  Betray my training by doing half a job?"

"Yes," said Granny.  Her pupils were two little black holes.

"Oh," said the dwarf.  "Right, then."

  [Equal Rites, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 185 (actually uses four periods to mark a sentence ending in an ellipsis)
%passage 10
There may be universes where librarianship is considered a peaceful sort of
occupation, and where the risks are limited to large volumes falling off
the shelves on to one's head, but the keeper of a /magic/ library is no job
for the unwary.  Spells have power, and merely writing them down and
shoving them between covers doesn't do anything to reduce it.  The stuff
leaks.  Books tend to react with one another, creating randomized magic
with a mind of its own.  Books of magic are usually chained to their
shelves, but not to prevent them being stolen....

  [Equal Rites, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Mort (11)
# p. 136 (Signet edition; passage is a footnote;
#         Vetinari doesn't show up as recurring Patrician until /Sourcery/)
%passage 1
Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up
with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote.  The Patrician was
the Man; he had the Vote.

  [Mort, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 11
%passage 2
Mort was getting interested in the rock.  It had curly shells in it, relics
of the early days of the world when the Creator had made creatures out of
stone, no-one knew why.

Mort was interested in lots of things.  Why people's teeth fitted together
so neatly, for example.  He'd given that one a lot of thought.  Then there
was the puzzle of why the sun came out during the day, instead of at night
when the light would come in useful.  He knew the standard explanation,
which somehow didn't seem satisfying.

In short, Mort is one of those people who are more dangerous than a bag
full of rattlesnakes.  He was determined to discover the underlying logic
behind the universe.

Which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one.  The Creator had a
lot of remarkably good ideas when he put the world together, but making it
understandable hadn't been one of them.

  [Mort, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 18
%passage 3
"But you're Death," said Mort.  "You go around killing people!"

I?  KILL? said Death, obviously offended.  CERTAINLY NOT.  PEOPLE /GET/
KILLED, BUT THAT'S THEIR BUSINESS.  I JUST TAKE OVER FROM THEN ON.  AFTER
ALL, IT'D BE A BLOODY STUPID WORLD IF PEOPLE GOT KILLED WITHOUT DYING,
WOULDN'T IT?

  [Mort, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 25
%passage 4
"Is it magic?" said Mort.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? said Death.  AM I REALLY HERE, BOY?

"Yes," said Mort slowly.  "I... I've watched people.  They look at you but
they don't see you, I think.  You do something to their minds."

Death shook his head.

THEY DO IT ALL THEMSELVES, he said.  THERE'S NO MAGIC.  PEOPLE CAN'T SEE ME,
THEY SIMPLY WON'T ALLOW THEMSELVES TO DO IT.  UNTIL IT'S TIME, OF COURSE.
WIZARDS CAN SEE ME, AND CATS.  BUT YOUR AVERAGE HUMAN... NO, NEVER.  He blew
a smoke ring at the sky, and added, STRANGE BUT TRUE.

  [Mort, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 48-49 (Binky is Death's white horse, who was left 'parked' on a
#            castle's roof; Mort is Death's novice apprentice)
%passage 5
They were on the roof before he spoke again.

YOU TRIED TO WARN HIM, he said, removing Binky's nosebag.

"Yes, sir.  Sorry."

YOU CANNOT INTERFERE WITH FATE.  WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE WHO SHOULD LIVE AND
WHO SHOULD DIE?

Death watched Mort's expression carefully.

ONLY THE GODS ARE ALLOWED TO DO THAT, he added.  TO TINKER WITH THE FATE OF
EVEN ONE INDIVIDUAL COULD DESTROY THE WHOLE WORLD.  DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

Mort nodded miserably.

"Are you going to send me home?" he said.

Death reached down and swung him up behind the saddle.

BECAUSE YOU SHOWED COMPASSION?  NO.  I MIGHT HAVE DONE IF YOU HAD SHOWN
PLEASURE.  BUT YOU MUST LEARN THE COMPASSION PROPER TO YOUR TRADE.

"What's that?"

A /SHARP/ EDGE.

  [Mort, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 59-61 (in Ankh-Morpork, Mort has accidentally walked through a wall
#            into an immigrant Klatchian family's dining room; 'the creature
#            who was not there' refers to Death during an earlier event)
%passage 6
"I'm no demon!  I'm a human!" he said, and stopped in shock as his words
emerged in perfect Klatch.

"You're a thief?" said the father.  "A murderer?  To creep in thus, are you
a /tax-gatherer/?"  His hand slipped under the table and came up holding a
meat cleaver honed to paper thinness.  His wife screamed and dropped the
plate and clutched the youngest children to her.

Mort watched the blade weave through the air, and gave in.

"I bring you greetings from the uttermost circles of hell," he hazarded.

The change was remarkable.  The cleaver was lowered and the family broke
into broad smiles.

"There is much luck to us if a demon visits," beamed the father.  "What is
your wish, O foul spawn of Offler's loins?"

"Sorry?" said Mort.

"A demon brings blessing and good fortune on the man that helps it," said
the man.  "How may we be of assistance, O evil dogsbreath of the nether
pit?"

"Well, I'm not very hungry," said Mort, "but if you know where I can get a
fast horse, I could be in Sto Lat before sunset."

The man beamed and bowed.  "I know the very place, noxious extrusion of the
bowels, if you would be so good as to follow me."

Mort hurried out after him.  The ancient ancestor watched them go with a
critical expression, its jowls rhythmically chewing.

"That was what they call a demon around here?" it said.  "Offler rot this
country of dampness, even their demons are third-rate, not a patch on the
demons we had in the Old Country."

The wife placed a small bowl of rice in the folded middle pair of hands of
the Offler statue (it would be gone in the morning) and stood back.

"Husband did say that last month at the /Curry Gardens/ he served a creature
who was not there," she said.  "He was impressed."

Ten minutes later the man returned and, in solemn silence, placed a small
heap of gold coins on the table.  They represented enough wealth to
purchase quite a large part of the city.

"He had a bag of them," he said.

The family stared at the money for some time.  The wife sighed.

"Riches bring many problems," she said.  "What are we to do?"

"We return to Klatch," said the husband firmly, "where our children can grow
up in a proper country, true to the glorious traditions of our ancient race
and men do not need to work as waiters for wicked masters but can stand tall
and proud.  And we must leave right now, fragrant blossom of the date palm."

"Why so soon, O hard-working son of the desert?"

"Because," said the man, "I have just sold the Patrician's champion
racehorse."

  [Mort, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 139-140 (passage ends mid-sentence)
%passage 7
"You don't know much about monarchy, do you?" said Keli.

"Um, no?"

"She means better to be a dead queen in your own castle than a live
commoner somewhere else," said Cutwell, [...]

  [Mort, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 158
%passage 8
"You mean you won't help?" said Mort.  "Not even if you can?"

"Give the boy a prize," growled Albert.  "And it's no good thinking you can
appeal to my better nature under this here crusty exterior," he added,
"'cos my interior's pretty damn crusty too."

  [Mort, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 159-160 (Death has come to an employment agency--a new concept in
#              Ankh-Morpork--looking for a job)
%passage 9
"And what was your previous position?"

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

"What did you do for a living?" said the thin young man behind the desk.

I USHERED SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD.  I WAS THE GRAVE OF ALL HOPE.  I WAS
THE ULTIMATE REALITY.  I WAS THE ASSASSIN AGAINST WHOM NO LOCK WOULD HOLD.

"Yes, point taken, but do you have any particular skills?"

I SUPPOSE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF EXPERTISE WITH AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS? he
ventured after a while.

The young man shook his head firmly.

NO?

  [Mort, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 205
%passage 10
Death raised his skull and sniffed the air.

The sound cut through all the other noises in the hall and forced them
into silence.

It is the kind of noise that is heard on the twilight edges of dreams,
the sort that you wake from in the cold sweat of mortal horror.  It was
the snuffling under the door of dread.  It was like the snuffling of a
hedgehog, but if so then it was the kind of hedgehog that crashes out of
the verges and flattens lorries.  It was the kind of noise you wouldn't
want to hear twice; you wouldn't want to hear it /once/.

  [Mort, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 207
%passage 11
"Well, that was a lesson to all of us," the bursar continued, brushing dust
and candle wax off his robe.  He looked up, expecting to see the statue of
Alberto Malich back on its pedestal.

"Clearly even statues have feelings," he said.  "I myself recall, when I
was but a first-year student, writing my name on his... well, never mind.
The point is, I propose here and now we replace the statue."

Dead silence greeted this suggestion.

"With, say, an exact likeness cast in gold.  Suitably embellished with
jewels, as befits our great founder," he went on brightly.

"And to make sure no students deface it in any way I suggest we then erect
it in the deepest cellar," he continued.

"And then lock the door," he added.  Several wizards began to cheer up.

"And throw away the key?" said Rincewind.

"And /weld/ the door," the bursar said.  He had just remembered about The
Mended Drum.  He thought for a while and remembered about the physical
fitness regime as well.

"And then brick up the doorway," he said.  There was a round of applause.

"And throw away the brick layer!" chortled Rincewind, who felt he was
getting the hang of this.

The bursar scowled at him.  "No need to get carried away," he said.

  [Mort, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Sourcery (10)
# p. 9 (Signet edition; passage starts mid-paragraph and ends mid-paragraph)
%passage 1
"[...]  And what would humans be without love?"

RARE, said Death.  [...]

  [Sourcery, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%passage 2
They suffered from the terrible delusion that something could be done.
They seemed prepared to make the world the way they wanted it or die in the
attempt, and the trouble with dying in the attempt was that you died in
the attempt.

  [Sourcery, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 11 ('worth while': two words is accurate, although strange)
%passage 3
"I meant," said Ipslore, bitterly, "what is there in this world that makes
living worth while?"

CATS, he said eventually, CATS ARE NICE.

"Curse you!"

MANY HAVE, said Death evenly.

  [Sourcery, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 40-41 (text has 'the moment and the words' which is obviously a typo;
#            it might have intended 'that' for 'and'; we just drop 'and')
%passage 4
The thief, as will become apparent, was a special type of thief.  This
thief was an artist of theft.  Other thieves merely stole everything that
was not nailed down, but this thief stole the nails as well.  This thief
had scandalised Ankh by taking a particular interest in stealing, with
astonishing success, things that were in fact not only nailed down but
also guarded by keen-eyed guards in inaccessible strongrooms.  There are
artists that will paint an entire chapel ceiling; this was the kind of
thief that could steal it.

This particular thief was credited with stealing the jeweled disemboweling
knife from the temple of Offler the Crocodile God during the middle of
Evensong, and the silver shoes from the Patrician's finest racehorse
while it was in the process of winning a race.  When Gritoller Mimpsey,
vice-president of the Thieves' Guild, was jostled in the marketplace and
then found on returning home that a freshly-stolen handful of diamonds
had vanished from their place of concealment, he knew who to blame.(1)
This was the type of thief that could steal the initiative, the moment the
words were out of your mouth.

(1) This was because Gritoller had swallowed the jewels for safe keeping.

  [Sourcery, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 63-64 ('Compleet', 'Majik', 'enterr', 'physycal', 'hys', 'bodie',
#            'Destinie', 'Deathe', 'werre', 'nowe', 'menne', 'Ende',
#            'Worlde', 'hadd', 'bee', 'goddes', 'ould', 'Apocralypse',
#            'legende', 'thee': all accurate; 'ould' may be a typo...)
%passage 5
It was deathly quiet in the Library.  The books were no longer frantic.
They'd passed through their fear and out into the calm waters of abject
terror, and they crouched on their shelves like so many mesmerised rabbits.

A long hairy arm reached up and grabbed /Casplock's Compleet Lexicon of
Majik and Precepts for the Wise/ before it could back away, soothed its
terror with a long-fingered hand, and opened it under 'S'.  The Librarian
smoothed the trembling page gently and ran a horny nail down the entries
until he came to:

    *Sourceror*, /n. (mythical).  A proto-wizard, a doorway through/
    /which new majik may enterr the world, a wizard not limited by/
    /the physycal capabilities of hys own bodie, not by Destinie,/
    /nor by Deathe.  It is written that there once werre sourcerors/
    /in the youth of the world but not may there by nowe and blessed/
    /be, for sourcery is not for menne and the return of sourcery/
    /would mean the Ende of the Worlde...  If the Creator hadd meant/
    /menne to bee as goddes, he ould have given them wings./
    /SEE ALSO:  thee Apocralypse, the legende of thee Ice Giants,/
    /and thee Teatime of the Goddes./

The Librarian read the cross-references, turned back to the first entry,
and stared at it through deep dark eyes for a long time.  Then he put the
book back carefully, crept under his desk, and pulled the blanket over
his head.

  [Sourcery, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 71-72
%passage 6
The current Patrician, head of the extremely rich and powerful Vetinari
family, was thin, tall and apparently as cold-blooded as a dead penguin.
Just by looking at him you could tell he was the sort of man you'd expect
to keep a white cat, and caress it idly while sentencing people to death
in a piranha tank; and you'd hazard for good measure that he probably
collected rare, thin porcelain, turning it over and over in his blue-white
fingers while distant screams echoed from the depths of the dungeons.  You
wouldn't put it past him to use the word "exquisite" and have thin lips.
He looked the kind of person who, when they blinked, you mark it off on
the calendar.

Practically none of this was in fact the case, although he did have a small
and exceedingly elderly wire-haired terrier called Wuffles that smelled
badly and wheezed at people.  It was said to be the only thing in the
entire world he truly cared about.  He did of course sometimes have people
horribly tortured to death, but this was considered to be perfectly
acceptable behaviour for a civic ruler and generally approved of by the
overwhelming majority of citizens.(1)  The people of Ankh are of a
practical persuasion, and felt that the Patrician's edict forbidding all
street theatre and mime artists made up for a lot of things.  He didn't
administer a reign of terror, just the occasional light shower.

(1) The overwhelming majority of citizens being defined in this case as
everyone not currently hanging upside down over a scorpion pit.

  [Sourcery, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 75
%passage 7
"What exactly /is/ the Aprocralypse?"

Rincewind hesitated.  "Well," he said, "it's the end of the world.  Sort
of."

"Sort of?  /Sort of/ the end of the world?  You mean we won't be certain?
We'll all look around and say 'Pardon me, did you hear something?'?"

"It's just that no two seers have ever agreed about it.  There have been
all kinds of vague predictions.  Quite mad, some of them.  So it was
called the Apocralypse."  He looked embarrassed.  "It's a sort of
apocryphal Apocalypse.  A kin of pun, you see."

  [Sourcery, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 110
%passage 8
"You're very quiet, Spelter.  Do you not agree?"

No.  The world had sourcery once, and gave it up for wizardry.  Wizardry is
magic for men, not gods.  It's not for us.  There was something wrong with
it, and we have forgotten what it was.  I liked wizardry.  It didn't upset
the world.  It fitted.  It was right.  A wizard was all I wanted to be.

He looked down at his feet.

"Yes," he whispered.

  [Sourcery, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 141-142 (Rincewind and Nijel have just entered a harem)
%passage 9
Rincewind had eyes for none of this.  [...] they were swamped by the
considerably bigger flood of panic at the sight of four guards turning
towards him with scimitars in their hands and the light of murder in their
eyes.

Without hesitation, Rincewind took a step backwards.

"Over to you, friend," he said.

"Right!"

Nijel drew his sword and held it out in front of him, his arms trembling at
the effort.

There were a few seconds of total silence as everyone waited to see what
would happen next.  And then Nijel uttered the battle cry that Rincewind
would never quite forget to the end of this life.

"Erm," he said, "excuse me...."

  [Sourcery, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 198-199
%passage 10
The astro-philosophers of Krull once succeeded in proving conclusively
that all places are one place and that the distance between them is an
illusion, and this news was an embarrassment to all thinking philosophers
because it did not explain, among other things, signposts.  After years of
wrangling the whole thing was then turned over to Ly Tin Wheedle, arguably
the Disc's greatest philosopher,(1) who after some thought proclaimed that
although it was indeed true that all places were one place, that place was
/very large/.

And so psychic order was restored.  Distance is, however, an entirely
subjective phenomenon and creatures of magic can adjust it to suit
themselves.

They are not necessarily very good at it.

(1) He always argued that he was.

  [Sourcery, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Wyrd Sisters (15)
# p. 318 (ROC edition; passage starts mid-paragraph;
#         speaker is Granny Weatherwax)
%passage 1
"[...]  Destiny /is/ important, see, but people go wrong when they think it
controls them.  It's the other way around."

  [Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 105-106
%passage 2
Verence tried to avoid walking through walls.  A man had his dignity.

He became aware that he was being watched.

He turned his head.

There was a cat sitting in the doorway, subjecting him to a slow blink.  It
was a mottled grey and extremely fat...

No.  It was extremely /big/.  It was covered with so much scar tissue that
it looked like a fist with fur on it.  Its ears were a couple of perforated
stubs, its eyes two yellow slits of easy-going malevolence, its tail a
twitching series of question marks as it stared at him.

Greebo had heard that Lady Felmet had a small white female cat and had
strolled up to pay his respects.

Verence had never seen an animal with so much built-in villainy.  He didn't
resist as it waddled across the floor and dried to rub itself against his
legs, purring like a waterfall.

"Well, well," said the king, vaguely.  He reached down and made an effort
to scratch it behind the two ragged bits on top of its head.   It was a
relief to find someone else besides another ghost who could see him, and
Greebo, he couldn't help feeling, was a distinctly unusual cat.  Most of
the castle cats were either pampered pets or flat-eared kitchen and stable
habitues who generally resembled the very rodents they lived on.  This cat,
on the other hand, was its own animal.  All cats give that impression, of
course, but instead of the mindless animal self-absorption that passes for
secret wisdom in the creatures, Greebo radiated genuine intelligence.  He
also radiated a smell that would have knocked over a wall and caused sinus
trouble in a dead fox.

  [Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 14-15
%passage 3
He wondered if ghosts hunted.  Almost certainly not, he imagined.  Or ate,
or drank either for that matter, and that was really depressing.  He liked
a big noisy banquet and had quaffed(1) many a pint of good ale.  And bad
ale, come to that.  He'd never been able to tell the difference till the
following morning, usually.

(1) Quaffing is like drinking, but you spill more.

  [Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 60-61 (dwarfish mechanics: see /Equal Rites/)
%passage 4
Granny Weatherwax milked and fed the goats, banked the fire, and put a
cloth over the mirror and pulled her broomstick out from behind the door.
She went out, locked the door behind her, and hung the key on its nail in
the privy.

This was quite sufficient.  Only once, in the entire history of witchery
in the Ramtops, had a thief broken into a witch's cottage.  The witch
concerned visited the most terrible punishment on him.(1)

Granny sat on the broom and muttered a few words, but without much
conviction.  After a further couple of tries, she got off, fiddled with
the binding, and had another go.  There was a suspicion of glitter from
one end of the stick, which quickly died away.

"Drat," she said, under her breath.

She looked around carefully, in case anyone was watching.  In fact it was
only a hunting badger who, hearing the thumping of running feet, poked its
head out from the bushes and saw Granny hurtling down the path with the
broomstick held stiff-armed beside her.  At last the magic caught, and she
managed to vault clumsily on to it before it trundled into the night sky
as gracefully as a duck with one wing missing.

From above the trees came a muffled curse against all dwarfish mechanics.

(1) She did nothing, although sometimes when she saw him in the village
she'd smile in a faint, puzzled way.  After three weeks of this the
suspense was too much for him and he took his own life; in fact he took it
all the way across the continent, where he became a reformed character and
never went home again.

  [Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 76 (passage starts mid-paragraph)
%passage 5
And, with alarming suddenness, nothing happened.

  [Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 82 ('/Good/ fool': lowercase 'fool' is accurate)
%passage 6
"Is this a dagger I see before me?" he mumbled.

"Um.  No, my lord.  It's my hankerchief, you see.  You can sort of tell the
difference if you look closely.  It doesn't have as many sharp edges."

"/Good/ fool," said the duke, vaguely.

Totally mad, the Fool thought.  Several bricks short of a bundle.  So far
round the twist you could use him to open wine bottles.

"Kneel beside me," my Fool.

The Fool did so.  The duke laid a soiled bandage on his shoulder.

"Are you loyal, Fool?" he said.  "Are you trustworthy?"

"I swore to follow my lord until death," said the Fool hoarsely.

The duke pressed his mad face close to the Fool, who looked up into a pair
of bloodshot eyes.

"I didn't want to," he hissed conspiratorially.  "They made me do it.  I
didn't want--"

The door swung open.  The duchess filled the doorway.  In fact, she was
nearly the same shape.

"Leonal!" she barked.

The fool was fascinated by what happened to the duke's eyes.  The mad red
flame vanished, was sucked backwards, and replaced by the hard blue stare
he had come to recognize.  It didn't mean, he realized, that the duke was
any less mad.  Even the coldness of his sanity was madness in a way.  The
duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly
went cuckoo.

  [Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 85
%passage 7
On the crest of the moor, where in the summer partridges lurked among the
bushes like small, whirring idiots, was a standing stone.  It stood roughly
where the witches' territories met, although the boundaries were never
formally marked out.

The stone was about the same height as a tall man, and made of a bluish
tinted rock.  It was considered intensely magical because, although there
was only one of it, /no-one had ever been able to count it/; if it saw
anyone looking at it speculatively, it shuffled behind them.  It was the
most self-effacing monolith ever discovered.

  [Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 92 (passage starts mid-paragraph)
%passage 8
Demons were like genies or philosophy professors--if you didn't word things
/exactly/ right, they delighted in giving you absolutely accurate and
completely misleading answers.

  [Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 121
%passage 9
Nanny Ogg was also out early.  She hadn't been able to get any sleep
anyway, and besides, she was worried about Greebo.  Greebo was one of her
few blind spots.  While intellectually she would concede that he was
indeed a fat, cunning, evil-smelling multiple rapist, she nevertheless
instinctively pictured him as the small fluffy kitten he had been decades
before.  The fact that he had once chased a female wolf up a tree and
seriously surprised a she-bear who had been innocently digging for roots
didn't stop her worrying that something bad might happen to him.  It was
generally considered by everyone else in the kingdom that the only thing
that might slow Greebo down was a direct meteorite strike.

  [Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 133 (the duke has locked Nanny Ogg in the castle dungeon)
%passage 10
"I really advise you all to return home," said Granny Weatherwax.  "There
has probably been a misunderstanding.  Everyone knows a witch cannot be
held against her will."

"It's gone too far this time," said a peasant.  "All this burning and
taxing and now this.  I blame you witches.  It's got to stop.  I know my
rights."

"What rights are they?" said Granny.

"Dunnage, cowhage-in-ordinary, badinage, leftovers, scrommidge, clary and
spunt." said the peasant promptly.  "And acornage, every other year, and
the right to keep two-thirds of a goat on the common.  Until he set fire to
it.  It was a bloody good goat, too."

"A man could go far, knowing his rights like you do," said Granny.  "But
right now he should go home."

  [Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 164
%passage 11
"Whatever happened to the rule about not meddling in politics?" said Magrat,
watching her retreating back.

Nanny Ogg massaged some like back into her fingers.

"By Hoki, that woman's got a jaw like an anvil," she said.  "What was that?"

"I said, what about this rule about not meddling?" said Magrat.

"Ah," said Nanny. She took the girl's arm.  "The thing is," she explained,
"as you advance in the Craft, you'll learn there is another rule.  Esme's
obeyed it all her life."

"And what's that?"

"When you break rules, break 'em good and hard," said Nanny, and grinned a
set of gums that were more menacing than teeth.

  [Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 238
%passage 12
"I mean it.  Look at me.  I wasn't supposed to be writing plays.  Dwarfs
aren't even supposed to be able to /read/.  I shouldn't worry too much
about destiny, if I was you.  I was destined to be a miner.  Destiny gets
it wrong half the time."

"But you said he looks like the Fool person.  I can't see it myself, mark
you."

"The light's got to be right."

"Could be some destiny at work there."

Hwel shrugged.  Destiny was funny stuff, he knew.  You couldn't trust it.
Often you couldn't even see it.  Just when you knew you had it cornered, it
turned out to be something else--coincidence, maybe, or providence.  You
barred the door against it, and it was standing behind you.  Then just when
you thought you had it nailed down it walked away with the hammer.

He used destiny a lot.  As a tool for his plays it was even better than a
ghost.  There was nothing like a bit of destiny to get the old plot rolling.
But it was a mistake to think you could spot the shape of it.  And as for
thinking it could be controlled...

  [Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 242 (passage starts mid-paragraph; Lancre has recently come out of a
#         magic-induced 15-year stasis; 'things ... is': 'things' plural is
#         accurate, though probably a typo)
%passage 13
On top of the general suspicion of witches, it was dawning on the few people
in Lancre who had any dealings with the outside world that a) either more
things had been happening than they had heard about before or b) time was
out of joint.  It wasn't easy to prove(1) but the few traders who came along
the mountain tracks after the winter seemed to be rather older than they
should have been.  Unexplained happenings were always more or less expected
in the Ramtops because of the high magical potential, but several years
disappearing overnight was a bit of a first.

(1) Because of the way time was recorded among the various states, kingdoms
and cities.  After all, when over an area of a hundred square miles the same
year is variously the Year of the Small Bat, the Anticipated Monkey, the
Hunting Cloud, Fat Cows, Three Bright Stallions and at least nine numbers
recording the time since(2) assorted kings, prophets, and strange events were
either crowned, born or happened, and each year was a different number of
months, and some of them don't have weeks, and one of them refuses to accept
the day as a measure of time, the only things it is possible to be sure of
is that good sex doesn't last long enough.(3)

(2) The calendar of the Theocracy of Muntab counts /down/, not up.  No-one
knows why, but it might not be a good idea to hang around and find out.

(3) Except for the Zapingo tribe of the Great Nef, of course.

  [Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 250 (passage starts mid-paragraph)
%passage 14
It was a land of describable beauty.

  [Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 265 (passage starts mid-paragraph)
%passage 15
The past used to be a lot better than it is now.

  [Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Pyramids (11)
# p. 218 (ROC edition)
%passage 1 (passage ends mid-paragraph)
What a chap needed at a time like this was a sign, some sort of book of
instructions.  The trouble with life was that you didn't get a chance to
practice before doing it for real.

  [Pyramids, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 128 (passage starts mid-paragraph and ends mid-paragraph)
%passage 2
Mere animals couldn't possibly manage to act like this.  You need to be a
human being to be really stupid.

  [Pyramids, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 9-10 ('tlingas' is accurate)
%passage 3
It was a full-length mirror.  All assassins had a full-length mirror in
their rooms, because it would be a terrible insult to anyone to kill them
when you were badly dressed.

Teppic examined himself critically.  The outfit had cost him his last
penny, and was heavy on the black silk.  It whispered as he moved.  It was
pretty good.

At least the headache was going.  It had nearly crippled him all day; he'd
been in dread of having to start the run with purple spots in front of his
eyes.

He sighed and opened the black box and took out his rings and slipped them
on.  Another box held a set of knives of Klatchian steel, their blades
darkened with lamp black.  Various cunning and intricate devices were taken
from velvet bags and dropped into pockets.  A couple of long-bladed
throwing /tlingas/ were slipped into their sheaths inside his boots.  A
thin silk line and folding grapnel were wound around his waist, over the
chain-mail shirt.  A blowpipe was attached to its leather thong and dropped
down his back under his cloak; Teppic pocketed a slim tin container with an
assortment of darts, their tips corked and their stems braille-coded for
ease of selection in the dark.

He winced, checked the blade of his rapier and slung the baldric over his
right shoulder, to balance the bag of lead slingshot ammunition.  As an
afterthought he opened his sock drawer and took a pistol crossbow, a flask
of oil, a roll of lockpicks and, after some consideration, a punch dagger,
a bag of assorted caltraps and a set of brass knuckles.

Teppic picked up his hat and checked its lining for the coil of cheesewire.
He placed it on his head at a jaunty angle, took a last satisfied look at
himself in the mirror, turned on his heel and, very slowly, fell over.

  [Pyramids, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 30
%passage 4
He'd always remember the first night in the dormitory.  It was long enough
to accommodate all eighteen boys in Viper House, and draughty enough to
accommodate the great outdoors.  Its designer may have had comfort in mind,
but only so that he could avoid it whenever possible:  he had contrived a
room that could actually be colder than the weather outside.

  [Pyramids, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 92
%passage 5
A few stars had been let out early.  Teppic looked up at them.  Perhaps, he
thought, there is life somewhere else.  On the stars, maybe.  If it's true
that there are billions of universes stacked along side one another, the
thickness of a thought apart, then there must be people elsewhere.

But wherever they are, no matter how mightily they try, no matter how
magnificent the effort, they surely can't manage to be as godawfully stupid
as us.  I mean, we work at it.  We were given a spark of it to start with,
but over hundreds of thousands of years we've really improved on it.

  [Pyramids, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 96 (Ptaclusp the pyramid builder, sons Ptaclusp IIa and Ptaclusp IIb)
%passage 6
Descendants!  The gods had seen fit to give him one son who charged you for
the amount of breath expended in saying "Good morning", and another one who
worshipped geometry and stayed up all night designing aqueducts.  You
scrimped and saved to send them to the best schools, and then they went and
paid you back by getting educated.

  [Pyramids, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 136
%passage 7
It's a fact as immutable as the Third Law of Sod that there is no such
thing as a good Grand Vizier.  A predilection to cackle and plot is
apparently part of the job spec.

High priests tend to get put in the same category.  They have to face the
implied assumption that no sooner do they get the funny hat than they're
issuing strange orders, e.g., princesses tied to rocks for itinerant sea
monsters and throwing little babies in the sea.

This is a gross slander.  Throughout the history of the Disc most high
priests have been serious, pious and conscientious men who have done their
best to interpret the wishes of the gods, sometimes disembowelling or
flaying alive hundreds of people in a day in order to make sure they're
getting it absolutely right.

  [Pyramids, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 206-208 (text has 'that's now it happened'; 'now' changed to 'how' here)
%passage 8
Copolymer, the greatest storyteller in the history of the world, sat back
and beamed at the greatest minds in the world, assembled at the dining
table.

Teppic had added another iota to his store of new knowledge.  'Symposium'
meant a knife-and-fork tea.

"Well," said Copolymer, and launched into the story of the Tsortean Wars.

"You see, what happened was, /he'd/ taken /her/ back home, and her
father--this wasn't the old king, this was the one before, the one with the
wossname, he married some girl from over Elharib way, she had a squint,
what was her name now, began with a P.  Or an L.  One of them letters,
anyway.  Her father owned an island out on the bay there, Papylos I think
it was.  No, I tell a lie, it was Crinix.  /Anyway/ the king, the other
king, he raised an army and they....  Elenor, that was her name.  She had
a squint, you know.  But quite attractive, they say.  When I say married,
I trust I do not have to spell it out for you.  I mean, it was a bit
unofficial.  Er.  Anyway, there was this wooden horse and after they'd got
in...  Did I tell you about this horse?  It was a horse.  I'm pretty sure
it was a horse.  Or maybe it was a chicken.  Forget my own name next!  It
was wossname's idea, the one with the limp.  Yes.  The limp in his leg, I
mean.  Did I mention him?  There'd been this fight.  No, that was the other
one, I think.  Yes.  Anyway, this wooden pig, damn clever idea, they made
it out of thing.  Tip of my tongue.  Wood.  But that was later, you know.
The fight!  Nearly forgot the fight.  Yes.  Damn good fight.  Everyone
banging on their shields and yelling.  Wossname's armour shone like shining
armour.  Fight and a half, that fight.  Between thingy, not the one with
the limp, the other one, wossname, had red hair.  /You/ know.  Tall fellow,
talked with a lisp.  Hold on, just remembered, he was from some other
island.  Not him.  The other one, with the limp.  Didn't want to go, he
said he was mad.  Of course, he /was/ bloody mad, definitely.  I mean, a
wooden cow!  Like wossname said, the king, no not that king, the other one,
he saw the goat, he said 'I fear the Ephibeans, especially when they're mad
enough to leave bloody great wooden livestock on the doorstep, talk about
nerve, they must think we was born yesterday, set fire to it,' and, of
course, wossname had nipped in round the back and put everyone to the
sword, talk about laugh.  Did I say she had a squint?  They said she was
pretty, but it takes all sorts.  Yes.  Anyway, that's how it happened.
/Now/, of course, wossname--I think he was called Melycanus, had a limp--he
wanted to go home, well, you would, they'd been there for /years/, he
wasn't getting any younger.  That's why he dreamt up the thing about the
wooden wossname.  Yes.  I tell a lie, Lavaelous was the one with the knee.
Pretty good fight, that fight, take it from me."

He lapsed into self-satisfied silence.

"Pretty good fight," he mumbled and, smiling faintly, dropped off to sleep.

Teppic was aware that his own mouth was hanging open.  He shut it.  Along
the table several of the diners were wiping their eyes.

"Magic," said Xeno.  "Sheer magic.  Every word a tassle on the canopy of
Time."

"It's the way he remembers every tiny detail.  Pin sharp," murmured Ibid.

  [Pyramids, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 211
%passage 9
"I'd love to stay and listen to you listening to me all day," he said.
"But there's a man over there I'd like to see."

"That's amazing," said Endos, making a short note and turning his attention
to a conversation further along the table.  A philosopher had averred that
although truth was beauty, beauty was not necessarily truth, and a fight was
breaking out.  Endos listened carefully.(1)

(1) The role of listeners has never been fully appreciated.  However, it is
well known that most people don't listen.  They use the time when someone
else is speaking to think of what they're going to say next.  True Listeners
have always been revered among oral cultures, and prized for their rarity
value; bards and poets are ten a cow, but a good Listener is hard to find,
or at least hard to find twice.

  [Pyramids, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 278 (perhaps ought to end this one with the first paragraph...)
%passage 10
In the middle of the firestorm the Great Pyramid appeared to lift up a few
inches, on a beam of incandescence, and turn through ninety degrees.  This
was almost certainly the special type of optical illusion which can take
place /even though no-one is actually looking at it/.

And then, with deceptive slowness and considerable dignity, it exploded.

It was almost too crass a word.  What it did was this:  it came apart
ponderously into building-sized chunks which drifted gently away from one
another, flying serenely out and over the necropolis.  Several of them
struck other pyramids, badly damaging them in a lazy, unselfconscious way,
and then bounded on in silence until they ploughed to a halt behind a small
mountain of rubble.

Only then did the boom come.  It went on for quite a long time.

  [Pyramids, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 280 (passage starts mid-paragraph and ends mid-paragraph)
%passage 11
Man was never intended to understand things he meddled with.

  [Pyramids, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Guards! Guards! (14)
# p. 283 (ROC edition)
%passage 1
"I see you're very comfortable here," said Vimes weakly.

"Never build a dungeon you wouldn't be happy to spend the night in
yourself," said the Patrician, laying out the food on the cloth.  "The
world would be a happier place if more people remembered that."

  [Guards! Guards!, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 133
%passage 2
These weren't encouraged in the city, since the heft and throw of a
longbow's arrow could send it through an innocent bystander a hundred
yards away rather than the innocent bystander at whom it was aimed.

  [Guards! Guards!, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 26 (first and second paragraphs are actually end of one section,
#        start of next one; first 'Thunder rolled...' had three dot
#        ellipsis, second has four, elipsis plus final period--
#        first changed to four here so that they match)
%passage 3
Thunder rolled....

It is said that the gods play games with the lives of men.  But what games,
and why, and the identities of the actual pawns, and what the game is, and
what the rules are--who knows?

Best not to speculate.

Thunder rolled....

It rolled a six.

  [Guards! Guards!, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 48 (passage is a footnote)
%passage 4
One of the remarkable innovations introduced by the Patrician was to make
the Thieves' Guilde /responsible/ for theft, with annual budgets, forward
planning and, above all, rigid job protection.  Thus, in return for an
agreed average level of crime per annum, the thieves themselves saw to it
that unauthorized crime was met with the full force of Injustice, which was
generally a stick with nails in it.

  [Guards! Guards!, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 87 (passage ends mid-paragraph)
%passage 5
"Well, sir," he said, "I know that dragons have been extinct for thousands
of years, sir--"

"Yes?"  The Patrician's eyes narrowed.

Vimes plunged on.  "But sir, the thing is, do /they/ know?"  [...]

  [Guards! Guards!, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 114 (passage is a footnote)
%passage 6
The Guild of Fire Fighters had been outlawed by the Patrician the previous
year after many complaints.  The point was that, if you bought a contract
from the Guild, your house would be protected against fire.  Unfortunately,
the general Ankh-Morpork ethos quickly came to the fore and fire fighters
would tend to go to prospective clients' houses in groups, making loud
comments like "Very inflammable looking place, this" and "Probably go up
like a firework with just one carelessly dropped match, know what I mean?"

  [Guards! Guards!, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 131 (Sherlock Holmes)
%passage 7
Once you've ruled out the impossible then whatever is left, however
improbable, must be the truth.  The problem lay in working out what was
impossible, of course.  That was the trick, all right.

There was also the curious incident of the orangutan in the night-time....

  [Guards! Guards!, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 150 (Dirty Harry with a small swamp dragon rather than a .45 Magnum...)
%passage 8
A streak of green fire blasted out of the back of the shed, passed a foot
over the heads of the mob, and burned a charred rosette in the woodwork
over the door.

Then came a voice that was a honeyed purr of shear deadly menace.

"/This is Lord Mountjoy Quickfang Winterforth IV, the hottest dragon in the
city.  It could burn your head clean off./"

Captain Vimes limped forward from the shadows.

A small and extremely frightened golden dragon was clamped firmly under one
arm.  His other hand held it by the tail.

The rioters watched it, hypnotised.

"Now I know what you're thinking," Vimes went on, softly.  "You're
wondering, after all this excitement, has it got enough flame left?  And,
y'know, I ain't so sure myself..."

He leaned forward, sighting between the dragon's ears, and his voice
buzzed like a knife blade:

"What you've got to ask yourself is:  Am I feeling lucky?"

They swayed backwards as he advanced.

"Well?" he said.  "/Are/ you feeling lucky?"

  [Guards! Guards!, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 154 (passage is a footnote; ten pages later, Sergeant Colon uses the
#         old version of the proverb)
%passage 9
The phrase "Set a thief to catch a thief" had by this time (after strong
representations from the Thieves' Guilde) replaced a much older and
quintessentially Ankh-Morpork proverb, which was "Set a deep hole with
spring-loaded sides, tripwires, whirling knife blades driven by water power,
broken glass and scorpions, to catch a thief."

  [Guards! Guards!, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 174 (passage starts mid-paragraph)
%passage 10
[...]  There was no difference at all between the richest man and the
poorest beggar, apart from the fact that the former had lots of money,
food, power, fine clothes, and good health.  But at least he wasn't
any /better/.  Just richer, fatter, more powerful, better dressed and
healthier.  It had been like that for hundreds of years.

  [Guards! Guards!, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 205
%passage 11
"Might have been just an innocent bystander, sir," said Carrot.

"What, in Ankh-Morpork?"

"Yes, sir."

"We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value," said Vimes.

  [Guards! Guards!, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 262-263 (passage is a footnote; 'practise', 'practised' are accurate)
%passage 12
A number of religions in Ankh-Morpork still practised human sacrifice,
except that they really didn't need to practise any more because they had
got so good at it.  City law said that only condemned criminals should be
used, but that was all right because in most of the religions refusing to
volunteer for sacrifice was an offense punishable by death.

  [Guards! Guards!, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 292
%passage 13
There were times when an ape had to do what a man had to do...

The orangutan threw a complex salute and swung away into the darkness.

  [Guards! Guards!, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 299-300 + 325 (final part comes quite a bit later; Carrot is trying to
#                    alert oblivious Sergeant Colon that the dragon is coming)
%passage 14
"This is what it comes to!" muttered Colon.  "Decent women can't walk down
the street without being eaten!  Right, you bastards, you're... you're
/geography/--"

"Sergeant!" Carrot repeated urgently.

"It's history, not geography," said Nobby.  "That's what you're supposed to
say.  History.  'You're history!' you say."

"Well, whatever," snapped Colon.  "Let's see now--"

[...(quite a while later)...]

"You heard the Man," he rasped.  "One false move and you're... you're--" he
took a desperate stab at it--"you're Home Economics!"

  [Guards! Guards!, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
# The original publication of /Eric/ featured extensive illustrations by
# Josh Kirby but the mass-market paperback edition contains none of them
# and omits his name.  In the Harper Torch edition, the list of other
# books by the same author has "Eric (with Josh Kirby)" even though the
# copyright and title pages of that very book do not mention him.
#
%title Eric (9)
# pp. 3-4 (Harper Torch edition)
%passage 1
No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpork.  Well, /technically/ they had,
quite often; the city welcomed free-spending barbarian invaders, but
somehow the puzzled raiders always found, after a few days, that they
didn't own their own horses anymore, and within a couple of months they
were just another minority group with its own graffiti and food shops.

  [Eric, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 195
%passage 2
"I can see blue sky!" said Eric.  "Where do you think we'll come out?" he
added.  "And when?"

"Anywhere," said Rincewind.  "Anytime."

He looked down at the broad steps they were climbing.  They were something
of a novelty; each one was built out of large stone letters.  The one he
was just stepping on to, for example, read: I Meant It For The Best.

The next one was: I Thought You'd Like It.

Eric was standing on: For The Sake Of The Children.

'Weird, isn't it?' he said.  'Why do it like this?'

'I think they're meant to be good intentions,' said Rincewind.  This was a
road to Hell, and demons were, after all, traditionalists.

  [Eric, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 9-10 (passage has an interesting start but not much of a finish...)
%passage 3
"It's a haunting," he ventured.  "Some sort of ghost, maybe.  A bell, book
and candle job."

The Bursar sighed.  "We tried that, Archchancellor."

The Archchancellor leaned toward him.

"Eh?" he said.

"I /said/, we tried that, Archchancellor," said the Bursar loudly,
directing his voice at the old man's ear.  "After dinner, you remember?
We used Humptemper's /Names of the Ants/ and rang Old Tom."(1)

"Did we, indeed.  Worked, did it?"

"/No/, Archchancellor."

"Eh?"

(1) Old Tom was the single cracked bronze bell in the University bell
tower.  The clapper dropped out shortly after it was cast, but the bell
still tolled out some tremendously sonorous silences every hour.

  [Eric, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 14-15 (the top wizards have performed the Rite of AshkEnte)
%passage 4
Death pointedly picked invisible particles off the edge of his scythe.

The Archchancellor cupped a gnarled hand over his ear.

"What'd he say?  Who's the fella with the stick?"

"It's Death, Archchancellor," said the Bursar patiently.

"Eh?"

"It's Death, sir.  /You/ know."

"Tell him we don't want any," said the old wizard, waving his stick.

The Bursar sighed.  "We summoned him, Archchancellor."

"Is it?  What'd we go and do that for?  Bloody silly thing to do."

The Bursar gave Death an embarrassed grin.  He was on the point of asking
him to excuse the Archchancellor on account of age, but realized that this
would in the circumstances be a complete waste of breath.

"Are we talking about the wizard Rincewind?  The one with the--" the Bursar
gave a shudder-- "horrible Luggage on legs?  But he got blown up when there
was all that business with the sourcerer, didn't he?"(1)

INTO THE DUNGEON DIMENSIONS.  AND NOW HE IS TRYING TO GET BACK HOME.

(1) The Bursar was referring obliquely to the difficult occasion when the
University very nearly caused the end of the world, and would in fact have
done so had it not been for a chain of events involving Rincewind, a magic
carpet and a half-brick in a sock.  (See /Sourcery/.)  The whole affair
was very embarrassing to wizards, as it always is to people who find out
afterward that they were on the wrong side all along,(2) and it is
remarkable how many of the University's senior staff were now adamant that
at the time they had been off sick, visiting their aunt, or doing research
with the door locked while humming loudly and had had no idea of what was
going on outside.  There had been some desultory talk about putting up a
statue to Rincewind but, by the curious alchemy that tends to apply in
these sensitive issues, this quickly became a plaque, then a note on the
Role of Honor, and finally a motion of censure for being improperly dressed.

(2) ie, the one that lost.

  [Eric, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 34
%passage 5
"Not that he was particularly successful.  It was all a bit trial and
wossname."

"I thought you said great big scaly--"

"Oh, /yes/.  But that wasn't what he was after.  He was trying to conjure
up a succubus."  It should be impossible to leer when all you've got is a
beak, but the parrot managed it.  "That's a female demon what comes in the
night and makes mad passionate wossn--"

"I've heard of them," said Rincewind.  "Bloody dangerous things."

The parrot put its head on one side.  "It never worked.  All he ever got
was a neuralger."

"What's that?"

"It's a demon that comes and has a headache at you."

  [Eric, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 35 (passage is a footnote)
%passage 6
Demons and their Hell are quite different from the Dungeon Dimensions,
those endless parallel wastelands outside space and time.  The sad, mad
Things in the Dungeon Dimensions have no understanding of the world but
simply crave light and shape and try to warm themselves by the fires of
reality, clustering around it with about the same effect--if they ever
broke through--as an ocean trying to warm itself around a candle.  Whereas
demons belong to the same space-time wossname, more or less, as humans,
and have a deep and abiding interest in humanity's day-to-day affairs.
Interestingly enough, the gods of the Disc have never bothered much about
judging the souls of the dead, so people can only go to hell if that's
where they believe, in their deepest heart, that they deserve to go.
Which they won't do if they don't know about it.  This explains why it is
important to shoot missionaries on sight.

  [Eric, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 153
%passage 7
"Multiple exclamation marks," he went on, shaking his head, "are a sure
sign of a diseased mind."

  [Eric, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 178-179 (Ponce da Quirm, encountered in hell)
%passage 8
"So you didn't find the Fountain of Youth, then," he said, feeling that he
should make some conversation.

"Oh, but I did," said da Quirm earnestly.  "A clear spring, deep in the
jungle.  It was very impressive.  I had a good long drink, too.  Or draft,
which I think is the more appropriate word.

"And--?" said Rincewind.

"It definitely worked.  Yes.  For a while there I could definitely feel
myself getting younger.

"But--" Rincewind waved a vague hand to take in da Quirm, the treadmill,
the towering circles of the Pit.

"Ah," said the old man.  "Of course, that's the really annoying bit.  I'd
read so much about the Fountain, and you'd have thought someone in all
those books would have mentioned the really vital thing about the water,
wouldn't you?"

"Which was--?"

"/Boil it first./  Says it all, doesn't it?  Terrible shame, really."

  [Eric, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 179
%passage 9
The Luggage trotted down the great spiral road that linked the circles of
the Pit.  Even if conditions had been normal it probably would not have
attracted much attention.  If anything, it was rather less astonishing
than most of the denizens.

  [Eric, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Moving Pictures (16)
# p. 7 (ROC Edition)
%passage 1
This is space.  It's sometimes called the final frontier.

(Except that of course you can't have a /final/ frontier, because there'd
be nothing for it to be a frontier /to/, but as frontiers go, it's pretty
penultimate...)

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 22-23 (very short but happens to span a page boundary...)
%passage 2
By and large, the only skill the alchemists of Ankh-Morpork had discovered
so far was the ability to turn gold into less gold.

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 44, 45, 46 (multiple paragraphs skipped in the first two gaps)
%passage 3
He looked down.  There was a dog sitting by his feet.

It was small, bow-legged and wiry, and basically grey but with patches of
brown, white, and black in outlying areas, and it was staring.

It was certainly the most penetrating stare Victor had ever seen.  It
wasn't menacing, or fawning.  It was just very slow and very thorough, as
though the dog was memorising details so that it could give a full
description to the authorities later.

[...]

Victor let his gaze slide downwards.  There was nothing there but the little
dog, industriously scratching itself.  It looked up slowly, and said "Woof?"

[...]

Victor poked an exploratory finger in his ear.  It must have  been a trick
of an echo, or something.  It wasn't that the dog had gone "woof!", although
that was practically unique in itself; most dogs in the universe /never/
went "woof!", they had complicated barks like "whuuugh!" and "hwhoouf!".
No, it was that it hadn't in fact /barked/ at all.  It had /said/ "woof".

[...]

One of the last things Victor remembered was a voice beside his knee saying,
"Could have bin worse, mister.  I could have said 'miaow'."

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 322
%passage 4
"'Twas beauty killed the beast," said the Dean, who liked to say things
like that.

"No it wasn't," said the Chair.  "It was it splatting into the ground like
that."

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 12
%passage 5
There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork, greatest of Discworld
cities.

At least, there's a /saying/ that there's a saying that all roads lead to
Ankh-Morpork.

And it's wrong.  All roads lead /away/ from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes
people just walk along them the wrong way.

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 34 (Victor Tugelbend and Ponder Stibbons are students at Unseen Uni.)
%passage 6
"Rain's stopped.  Let's go over the wall," he said.  "We deserve a drink."

Victor waggled a finger.  "Just one drink, then.  Got to keep sober," he
said.  "It's Finals tomorrow.  Got to keep a clear head!"

"Huh!", said Ponder.

Of course, it's very important to be sober when you take an exam.  Many
worthwhile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-
playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this
simple fact.

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 37
%passage 7
In a sense which his tutors couldn't quite define, much to their annoyance,
Victor Tugelbend was also the laziest person in the history of the world.

Not simply, ordinarily lazy.  Ordinary laziness was merely the absence of
effort.  Victor had passed through there a long time ago, had gone straight
through commonplace idleness and out on the far side.  He put more effort
into avoiding work than most people put into hard labour.

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 60
%passage 8
Cut-me-own-Throat Dibbler was one of those rare people with the ability to
think in straight lines.

Most people think in curves and zig-zags.  For example, they start with a
thought like:  I wonder how I can become very rich, and then proceed along
an uncertain course which includes thoughts like:  I wonder what's for
supper, and:  I wonder who I know that can lend me five dollars?

Whereas Throat was one of those people who could identify the thought at the
other end of the process, in this case /I am now very rich/, draw a line
between the two, and then think his way along it, slowly and patiently,
until he got to the other end.

Not that it worked.  There was always, he found, some small but vital flaw
in the process.  It generally involved a strange reluctance on the part of
people to buy what he had to sell.

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 71-72
%passage 9
"Tell me, Mr Dibbler." said Silverfish, "what exactly is your profession?"

"I sell merchandise," said Dibbler.

"Mostly sausages," Victor volunteered.

"/And/ merchandise," said Dibbler, sharply.  "I only sell sausages when the
merchandising trade is a bit slow."

"And the sale of sausages leads you to believe you can make better moving
pictures?" said Silverfish.  "Anyone can sell sausages!  Isn't that so,
Victor?"

"Well..." said Victor, reluctantly.  No-one except Dibbler could possibly
sell Dibbler's sausages.

"There you are then," said Silverfish.

"The thing is," said Victor, "that Mr Dibbler can even sell sausages to
people who have bought them off him /before/."

"That's right!" said Dibbler.  He beamed at Victor.

"And a man who could sell Mr Dibbler's sausages twice could sell anything,"
said Victor.

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 111-112 ('dis', 'ort', 'yore', 'finking', 'mayonnaisey', 'specialitay',
#              'de lar mayson' all accurate)
%passage 10
Borgle's commissary had decided to experiment with salads tonight.  The
nearest salad growing district was thirty slow miles away.

"What dis?" demanded a troll, holding up something limp and brown.

Fruntkin the short-order chef hazarded a guess.

'Celery?" he said.  He peered closer.  "Yeah, celery."

"It /brown/."

"'S'right.  'S'right!  Ripe celery ort to be brown," said Fruntkin, quickly.
"Shows it's ripe," he added.

"It should be /green/."

"Nah.  Yore finking about the tomatoes," said Fruntkin.

"Yeah, and what's this runny stuff?" said a man in the queue.

Fruntkin drew himself up to his full height.

"That," he said, "is the mayonnaisey.  Made it myself.  Out of a /book/, he
added proudly.

"Yead, I expect you did," said the man, prodding it.  "Clearly oil, eggs
and vinegar were not involved, right?"

"Specialitay de lar mayson," said Fruntkin.

"Right, right," said the man.  "Only it's attacking my lettuce."

Fruntkin grasped his ladle angrily.

"Look--" he began.

"No, it's all right," said the prospective diner.  "The slugs have formed a
defensive ring."

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 137 (CMOT Dibbler has become a director, Rock is a troll actor)
%passage 11
"Er, I was just wondering, Mr Dibbler... what is my motivation for this
scene?"

"Motivation?"

"Yes.  Er.  I got to know, see," said Rock.

"How about:  I'll fire you if you don't do it properly?"

Rock grinned.  "Right you are, Mr Dibbler," he said.

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 189
%passage 12
Magic wasn't difficult.  That was the big secret that the whole baroque
edifice or wizardry had been set up to conceal.  Anyone with a bit of
intelligence and enough perseverance could do magic, which was why the
wizards cloaked it with rituals and the whole pointy-hat business.

The trick was to do magic and /get away with it/.

Because it was as if the human race was a field of corn and magic helped
the users grow just that bit taller, so that they stood out.  That
attracted the attention of gods and--Victor hesitated--other Things outside
this world.  People who used magic without knowing what they were doing
usually came to a sticky end.

All over the entire room, sometimes.

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 204 (passage ends mid-paragraph; musings are by Gaspode the dog)
%passage 13
Sunnink dreadful in there, he thought.  Prob'ly tentacled fings that rips
your face off.  I mean, when you finds mysterious doors in old hills, it
stands to reason wot comes out ain't going to be pleased to see you.  Evil
creatures wot Man shouldn't wot of, and here's one dog wot don't want to
wot of them either.

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 206-207 (passage starts mid-paragraph; Dibbler now controls Silverfish's
#              moving pictures studio;  Detritus isn't part of the Watch yet)
%passage 14
"[...]  Detritus, throw this bum out!"

"Right you are, Mr Dibbler," rumbled the troll, gripping Silverfish's
collar.

"You haven't heard the last of this, you--you scheming, devious
megalomaniac!"

Dibbler removed his cigar.

"That's /Mister/ Megalomanic to you," he said.

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 274 (passage starts mid-sentence; senior wizards of the University are
#         attending a 'click' and have decided to take their hats off...)
%passage 15
[...] inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 295 (passage starts mid-sentence; the movie theater owner's daughter
#         is playing a pipe organ to accompany the silent movie)
%passage 16
[...] whatever piece of music she was playing, it was definitely losing.

  [Moving Pictures, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Reaper Man (15)
# pp. 301-302 (ROC edition)
%passage 1
It was later that the story of Windle Poons really came to an end, if
"story" means all that he did and caused and set in motion.  In the Ramtop
villages where they dance the real Morris dance, for example, they believe
that no one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die
away--until the clock he wound up winds down, until the wine she made has
finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested.  The span
of someone's life, they say, is only the core of their actual existence.

  [Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 251 (passage starts mid-paragraph)
%passage 2
Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.

  [Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 305 (passage starts mid-paragraph)
%passage 3
Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong.  No matter
how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first,
and is waiting for it.

  [Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 245
%passage 4
"That's not fair, you know.  If we knew when we were going to die, people
would lead better lives."

IF PEOPLE KNEW WHEN THEY WERE GOING TO DIE, I THINK THEY PROBABLY WOULDN'T
LIVE AT ALL.

  [Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 19
%passage 5
YOU FEAR TO DIE?

"It's not that I don't want... I mean, I've always... it's just that life
is a habit that's hard to break..."

  [Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 30-31
%passage 6
Wizards don't believe in gods in the same way that most people don't find it
necessary to believe in, say, tables.  They know they're there, they know
they're there for a purpose, they'd probably agree that they have a place in
a well-organized universe, but they wouldn't see the point of /believing/,
of going around saying, "O great table, without whom we are as naught".
Anyway, either the gods are there whether you believe or not, or exist only
as a function of the belief, so either way you might as well ignore the
whole business and, as it were, eat off your knees.

Nevertheless, there is a small chapel off the University's Great Hall,
because while the wizards stand right behind the philosophy as outlined
above, you don't become a successful wizard by getting up gods' noses even
if those noses only exist in an ethereal or metaphorical sense.  Because
while wizards don't believe in gods they know for a fact that /gods/ believe
in gods.

  [Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 50 (Dibbler is so low because he's on steps leading down to a cellar;
#        'favour' and 'pedlar' are the spelling used)
%passage 7
"Sergeant!"

Colon froze.  Then he looked down.  A face was staring up at him from ground
level.  When he'd got a grip on himself, he made out the sharp features of
his old friend Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, the Discworld's walking, talking
argument in favour of the theory that mankind had descended from a species
of rodent.  C. M. O. T. Dibbler like to describe himself as a merchant
adventurer; everyone else liked to describe him as itinerant pedlar whose
moneymaking schemes were always let down by some small but vital flaw, such
as trying to sell things he didn't own or which didn't work or, sometimes,
didn't even exist.  Fairy gold is well known to evaporate by morning, but
it was a reinforced concrete slab by comparison to some of Dibbler's
merchandise.

  [Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 58-59
%passage 8
Over the fireplace was an ornamental candlestick, fixed to a bracket on the
wall.  It was such a familiar piece of furniture that Windle hadn't really
seen it for fifty years.

It was coming unscrewed.  It spun around slowly, squeaking once a turn.
After half a dozen turns it fell off and clattered to the floor.

Inexplicable phenomena were not in themselves unusual on the Discworld.(1)
It was just that they normally had more point, or at least were a bit more
interesting.

(1) Rains of fish, for example, were so common in the little land-locked
village of Pine Dressers that it had a flourishing smoking, canning and
kipper filleting industry.  And in the mountain regions of Syrrit many
sheep, left out in the fields all night, would be found in the morning to
/be facing the other way/, without the apparent intervention of any human
agency.

  [Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 68-69 (130 year old wizard Windle Poon has become a zombie after dying)
%passage 9
"And now let's put the lid on and go and have some lunch," said Ridcully.
"Don't worry, Windle.  It's bound to work.  Today is the last day of the
rest of your life."

Windle lay in the darkness, listening to the hammering.  There was a thump
and a muffled imprecation against the Dean for not holding the end properly.
And then the patter of soil on the lid, getting fainter and more distant.

After a while a distant rumbling suggested that the commerce of the city
was being resumed.  He could even hear muffled voices.

He banged on the coffin lid.

"Can you keep it down?" he demanded.  "There's people down here trying to
be dead!"

He heard the voices stop.  There was the sound of feet hurrying away.

  [Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 81-82 (things have stopped dying because Death is no longer on the job)
%passage 10
Everything that exists, yearns to live.  That's what the cycle of life is
all about.  That's the engine that drives the great biological pumps of
evolution.  Everything tries to inch its way up the tree, clawing or
tentacling or sliming its way up to the next niche until it gets to the
very top--which, on the whole, never seems to have been worth all the
effort.

Everything that exists, yearns to live.  Even things that are not alive.
Things that have a kind of sub-life, a metaphorical life, an /almost/ life.
And now, in the same way that a sudden hot spell brings forth unnatural and
exotic blooms...

  [Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 101
%passage 11
Dead.  That was the point.  All the religions had very strong views about
talking to the dead.  And so did Mrs Cake.  They held that it was sinful.
Mrs Cake held that it was only common courtesy.

This usually led to a fierce ecclesiastical debate which resulted in Mrs
Cake giving the chief priest what she called "a piece of her mind".  There
were so many pieces of Mrs Cake's mind left around the city now that it
was quite surprising that there was enough left to power Mrs Cake but,
strangely enough, the more pieces of her mind she gave away the more there
seemed to be left.

  [Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 222
%passage 12
"No--" Ridcully began, and realised that it was hopeless.  And he was losing
the initiative.  He carefully formulated the most genteel battle cry in the
history of bowdlerism,

"Darn them to Heck!" he yelled, and ran after the Dean.

  [Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 226
%passage 13
Miss Flitworth disappeared into the scullery.  There was the creaking of a
pump.  She returned with a damp flannel and a glass of water.

THERE'S A NEWT IN IT!

"Shows it's fresh," said Miss Flitworth,(1) fishing the amphibian out and
releasing it on the flagstones, where it scuttled away into a crack.

(1) People have believed for hundreds of years that newts in a well mean
that the water's fresh and drinkable, and /in all that time/ never asked
themselves whether the newts got out to go to the lavatory.

  [Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 247
%passage 14
"Have you got any last words?"

YES.  I DON'T WANT TO GO.

"Well.  Succinct, anyway."

  [Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 249-250
%passage 15
"Where's everyone gone, Librarian?"

"Oook oook."

"Just like them.  I'd have done that.  Rush off without thinking.  May the
gods bless them and help them, if they can find the time from their family
squabbles."

And then he thought:  well, what now?  I've thought, and what am I going to
do?

Rush off, or course,  But slowly.

  [Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Witches Abroad (14)
# p. 92 (ROC edition)
%passage 1
Vampires have risen from the dead, the grave and the crypt, but have never
managed it from the cat.

  [Witches Abroad, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 12-13
%passage 2
Desiderata Hollow was making her will.

When Desiderata Hollow was a girl, her grandmother had given her four
important pieces of advice to guide her young footsteps on the unexpectedly
twisting pathway of life.

They were:

Never trust a dog with orange eyebrows,

Always get the young man's name and address,

Never get between two mirrors,

And always wear completely clean underwear every day because you never knew
when you were going to be knocked down and killed by a runaway horse and if
people found you had unsatisfactory underwear on, you'd die of shame.

And then Desiderata grew up to become a witch.  And one of the minor
benefits of being a witch is that you know exactly when you're going to die
and can wear what underwear you like.(1)

That had been eighty years earlier, when the idea of knowing exactly when
you were going to die had seemed quite attractive because secretly, of
course, you knew you were going to live forever.

That was then.

And this was now.

Forever didn't seem to last as long these days as once it did.

(1) Which explains a lot about witches.

  [Witches Abroad, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 64 (passage ends mid-paragraph)
%passage 3
"You know," said Nanny, investigating the recesses of the basket, "whenever
I deals with dwarfs, the phrase 'Duck's arse' swims across my mind."

"Mean little devils.  You should see the prices they tries to charge me
when I takes my broom to be repaired," said Granny.

"Yes, but you never pay," said Magrat.

"That's not the point," said Granny Weatherwax.  "They shouldn't be allowed
to charge that sort of money.  That's thievin', that is."

"I don't see how it can be thieving if you don't pay anyway," said Magrat.

"I never pay for anything," said Granny.  [...]

  [Witches Abroad, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 93 (passage is a footnote)
%passage 4
Nanny Ogg sent a number of cards home to her family, not a single one of
which got back before she did.  This is traditional, and happens everywhere
in the universe.

  [Witches Abroad, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 118-119 (Magrat has been teaching herself martial arts via books)
%passage 5
"Lobsang Dibbler says sometimes you have to lose in order to win," said
Magrat.

"Sounds daft to me," said Nanny.  "That's Yen Buddhism, is it?"

"No.  They're the ones who say you have to have lots of money to win," said
Magrat.(1)  "In the Path of the Scorpion, the way to win is to lose every
fight except the last one.  You use the enemy's strength against himself."

"What, you get him to hit himself, sort of thing?" said Nanny.  "Sounds
daft."

(1) The Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe.  They
hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and burden to the soul.
They therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see it as their unpleasant
duty to acquire as much as possible to reduce the risk to innocent people.

  [Witches Abroad, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 131
%passage 6
They had breakfast in a forest clearing.  It was grilled pumpkin.  The dwarf
bread was brought out for inspection.  But it was miraculous, the dwarf
bread.  No one ever went hungry when they had some dwarf bread to avoid.
You only had to look at it for a moment, and instantly you could think of
dozens of things you'd rather eat.  Your boots for example.  Mountains.  Raw
sheep.  Your own foot.

  [Witches Abroad, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 194-195 ("he just" is accurate; cockerel == adolescent rooster)
%passage 7
"This is Legba, a dark and dangerous spirit," said Mrs. Gogol.  She leaned
closer and spoke out of the corner of her mouth.  "Between you and me, he
just a big black cockerel.  But you know how it is."

"It pays to advertise," Nanny agreed.  "This is Greebo.  Between you and me,
he's a fiend from hell."

"Well, he's a cat," said Mrs. Gogol, generously.  "It's only to be expected."

  [Witches Abroad, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 218
%passage 8
"/And/ still a bit of the wedding cake," said the first coachman.  "Ain't
you et that up yet?"

"We have it every night," said the undercoachman.

The shed shook with the ensuing laughter.  It is a universal fact that any
innocent comment made by any recently married young member of any workforce
is an instant trigger for coarse merriment among his or her older and more
cynical colleagues.  This happens even if everyone concerned has nine legs
and lives at the bottom of an ocean of ammonia on a huge cold planet.  It's
just one of those things.

  [Witches Abroad, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 228
%passage 9
"You ought to be more adventurous, Granny," said Magrat.

"I ain't against adventure, in moderation," said Granny, "but not when I'm
eatin'."

  [Witches Abroad, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 263-264 (Nanny is trying to stop an elaborate clock; despite damage
#              inflicted on it, it goes on to announce midnight [early])
%passage 10
Let's see thought Nanny.  This bit is connected to that bit, this one turns,
that one turns /faster/, this spiky bit wobbles backwards and forwards...

Oh, well.  Just twist the first thing you can grab, as the High Priest said
to the vestal virgin.(1)

Nanny Ogg spat on her hands, gripped the largest cog-wheel, and twisted.

It carried on turning, pulling her with it.

Blimey.  Oh, well...

Then she did what neither Granny Weatherwax nor Magrat would have dreamed
of doing in the circumstances.  But Nanny Ogg's voyages on the sea of
intersexual dalliance had gone rather further than twice around the
lighthouse, and she saw nothing demeaning in getting a man to help her.

She simpered at Casanunda.

"Things would be a lot more comfortable in our little /pie-de-terre/ if you
could just push this little wheel around a bit," she said.  "I'm sure /you/
could manage it," she added.

"Oh, no problem, good lady," said Casanunda.  He reached up with one hand.
Dwarfs are immensely strong for their size.  The wheel seemed to offer him
no resistance at all.

Somewhere in the mechanism something resisted for a moment and then went
/clonk/.  Big wheels turned reluctantly.  Little wheels screamed on their
axles.  A small important piece flew out and pinged off of Casanunda's
small bullet head.

And, much faster than nature had ever intended, the hands sped around the
face.

(1) This is the last line to a Discworld joke lost, alas, to posterity.

  [Witches Abroad, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 265 ('pate' has a couple of accent marks which can't be rendered in ascii)
%passage 11
There are various forms of voodoo in the multiverse, because it's a
religion that can be put together from any ingredients that happen to be
lying around.  And all of them try, in some way, to call a god into the body
of a human being.

That was stupid, Mrs. Gogol thought.  That was dangerous.

Mrs. Gogol's voodoo worked the other way about.  What was a god?  A focus of
belief.  If people believed, a god began to grow.  Feebly at first, but if
the swamp taught anything, it taught patience.  Anything could be the focus
of a god.  A handful of feathers with a red ribbon around them, a hat and
coat on a couple of sticks... anything.  Because when all people had was
practically nothing, then anything could be almost everything.  And then you
fed it, and lulled it, like a goose heading for pate, and let the power grow
very slowly, and when the time was ripe you opened the path... backwards.
A human could ride the god, rather than the other way around.  There would
be a price to pay later, but there always was.  In Mrs. Gogol's experience,
everyone ended up dying.

  [Witches Abroad, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 270 (Greebo has been temporarily transformed--polymorphed?--into a human)
%passage 12
Greebo wasn't a happy cat.  [...]

Then he'd smelled the kitchen.  Cats gravitate to kitchens like rocks
gravitate to gravity.

  [Witches Abroad, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 282 (Casanunda the dwarf is Discworld's Casanova; he appears again in
#         /Lords and Ladies/)
%passage 13
"How come you're in the palace guard, Casanunda?"

"Soldier of fortune takes whatever jobs are going, Mrs. Ogg," said Casanunda
earnestly.

"But all the rest of 'em are six foot tall and you're--of the shorter
persuasion."

"I lied about my height, Mrs. Ogg.  I'm a world-famous liar."

"Is that true?"

"No."

"What about you being the world's greatest lover?"

There was silence for a while.

"Well, maybe I'm only No. 2," said Casanunda.  "But I try harder."

  [Witches Abroad, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 285-286 (Greebo is still in human form; 'rationalise' is accurate)
%passage 14
Greebo leapt.

Cats are like witches.  They don't fight to kill, but to win.  There is a
difference.  There's no point in killing an opponent.  That way, they won't
know they've lost, and to be a real winner you have to have an opponent who
is beaten and knows it.  There's no triumph over a corpse, but a beaten
opponent, who will remain beaten every day for the remainder of their sad
and wretched life, is something to treasure.

Cats do not, of course, rationalise this far.  They just like to send
someone limping off minus a tail and a few square inches of fur.

Greebo's technique was unscientific and wouldn't have stood a chance against
any decent swordsmanship, but on his side was the fact that it is almost
impossible to develop decent swordsmanship when you seem to have run into a
food mixer that is biting your ear off.

The witches watched with interest.

"I think we can leave him now," said Nanny.  "I think he's having fun."

  [Witches Abroad, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Small Gods (12)
%passage 1
He says gods like to see an atheist around.  Gives them something to aim at.

  [Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%passage 2
Pets are always a great help in times of stress.  And in times of starvation
too, o'course.

  [Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 3 (Harper Torch edition)
%passage 3
So history has its caretakers.

They live ... well, in the nature of things they live wherever they are
sent, but their /spiritual/ home is in a hidden valley in the high Ramtops
of the Discworld, where the books of history are kept.

These aren't books in which the events of the past are pinned like so many
butterflies to a cork.  These are the books from which history is derived.
There are more than twenty thousand of them, each one is ten feet high,
bound in lead, and the letters are so small that they have to be read with
a magnifying glass.

When people say "It is written ..." it is written /here/.

There are fewer metaphors than people think.

Every month the abbot and two senior monks go into the cave where the
books are kept.  It used to be the duty of the abbot alone, but two other
reliable monks were included after the unfortunate case of the 59th Abbot,
who made a million dollars in small bets before his fellow monks caught up
with him.

Besides, it's dangerous to go in alone.  The sheer concentratedness of
History, sleeting past soundlessly out into the world, can be overwhelming.
Time is a drug.  Too much of it kills you.

  [Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 4-5
%passage 4
It was the Year of the Notional Serpent, or two hundred years after the
Declaration of the Prophet Abbys.

Which meant that the time of the 8th Prophet was imminent.

That was the reliable thing about the Church of the Great God Om.  It had
very punctual prophets.  You could set your calendar by them, if you had
one big enough.

And, as is generally the case around the time a prophet is expected, the
Church redoubled its efforts to be holy.  This was very much like the
bustle you get in any large concern when the auditors are expected, but
tended towards taking people suspected of being less holy and putting them
to death in a hundred ingenious ways.  This is considered a reliable
barometer of the state of one's piety in most of the really popular
religions.  There's a tendency to declare that there is more backsliding
around than in the national toboggan championships, that heresy must be
torn out root and branch, and even arm and leg and eye and tongue, and
that it's time to wipe the slate clean.  Blood is generally considered
very efficient for this purpose.

  [Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 60 ("he" is a tortoise, unnoticed among a large crowd of people)
%passage 5
He walked off slowly, keeping close to the wall to avoid the feet.  He had
no alternative to walking slowly in any case, but now he was walking slowly
because he was thinking.  Most gods find it hard to walk and think at the
same time.

  [Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 60 (same page as preceding passage)
%passage 6
There were all sorts of ways to petition the Great God, but they depended
largely on how much you could afford, which was right and proper and
exactly how things should be.  After all, those who had achieved success
in the world clearly had done it with the approval of the Great God,
because it was impossible to believe that they had managed it with His
/disapproval/.  In the same way, the Quisition could act without
possibility of flaw.  Suspicion was proof.  How could it be anything else?
The Great God would not have seen fit to put the suspicion in the minds
of His exquisitors unless it was /right/ that it should be there.  Life
could be very simple, if you believed in the Great God Om.  And sometimes
quite short, too.

  [Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 92 ([sic] first paragraph ought to have fourth '.' to end sentence)
%passage 7
The memory stole over him:  a desert is what you think it is.  And now,
you can think clearly ...

There were no lies here.  All fancies fled away.  That's what happened in
all deserts.  It was just you, and what you believed.

What have I always believed?

That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not
according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent
and honest /inside/, then it would, in the end, more or less, turn out
all right.

You couldn't get that on a banner.  But the desert looked better already.

  [Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 114
%passage 8
Vorbis had a cabin somewhere near the bilges, where the air was as thick
as thin soup.  Brutha knocked.

"Enter."(1)

(1) Words are the litmus paper of the mind.  If you find yourself in the
power of someone who will use the word "commence" in cold blood, go
somewhere else very quickly.  But if they say "Enter," don't stop to pack.

  [Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 141 (at the end, Xeno is almost certainly agreeing with Ibid, but
#         he /might/ be answering Brutha's last question)
%passage 9
"Are you all philosophers?" said Brutha.

The one called Xeno stepped forward, adjusting the hang of his toga.

"That's right," he said.  "We're philosophers.  We think, therefore we am."

"Are," said the luckless paradox manufacturer automatically.

Xeno spun around.  "I've just about had it up to /here/ with you, Ibid!" he
roared.  He turned back to Brutha.  "We /are/, therefore we am," he said
confidently.  "That's it."

Several of the philosophers looked at one another with interest.

"That's actually quite interesting," one said.  "The evidence of our
existence is the /fact/ of our existence, is that what you're saying?"

"Shut up," said Xeno, without looking around.

"Have you been fighting?" said Brutha.

The assembled philosophers assumed various expressions of shock and horror.

"Fighting?  Us?  We're /philosophers/," said Ibid, shocked.

"My word, yes," said Xeno.

  [Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 151
%passage 10
All over the world there were rulers with titles like the Exalted, the
Supreme, and Lord High Something or Other.  Only in one small country was
the ruler elected by the people, who could remove him whenever they
wanted--and they called him the Tyrant.

The Ephebians believed that every man should have the vote.(1)  Every five
years someone was elected to be Tyrant, provided he could prove that he
was honest, intelligent, sensible, and trustworthy.  Immediately after he
was elected, of course, it was obvious to everyone that he was a criminal
madman and totally out of touch with the view of the ordinary philosopher
in the street looking for a towel.  And then five years later they elected
another one just like him, and really it was amazing how intelligent
people kept on making the same mistakes.

(1) Provided that he wasn't poor, foreign, nor disqualified by reason of
being mad, frivolous, or a woman.

  [Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 239
%passage 11
"I still don't see how one god can be a hundred different thunder gods.
They all look different ..."

"False noses."

"What?"

"And different voices.  I happen to know Io's got seventy different hammers.
Not common knowledge, that.  And it's just the same with mother goddesses.
There's only one of 'em.  She just got a lot of wigs and of course it's
amazing what you can do with a padded bra."

  [Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 265
%passage 12
An hour later the lion, who was limping after Brutha, also arrived at the
grave.  It had lived in the desert for sixteen years, and the reason it had
lived so long was that it had not died, and it had not died because it
never wasted handy protein.  It dug.

Humans have always wasted handy protein ever since they started wondering
who had lived in it.

But, on the whole, there are worse places to be buried than inside a lion.

  [Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Lords and Ladies (12)
# p. 122 (Harper Torch edition)
%passage 1
Elves are wonderful.  They provoke wonder.
Elves are marvellous.  They cause marvels.
Elves are fantastic.  They create fantasies.
Elves are glamorous.  They project glamour.
Elves are enchanting.  They weave enchantment.
Elves are terrific.  They beget terror.

The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake,
and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have
changed their meaning.

No one ever said elves are nice.

Elves are bad.

  [Lords and Ladies, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 32
%passage 2
"Hope she does all right as queen," said Nanny.

"We taught her everything she knows," said Granny Weatherwax.

"Yeah," said Nanny Ogg, as they disappeared into the bracken.  "D'you
think... maybe... ?"

"What?"

"D'you think maybe we ought to have taught her everything /we/ know?"

  [Lords and Ladies, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 36
%passage 3
It was very hard, being a reader in Invisible Writings.(1)

(1) The study of invisible writings was a new discipline made available by
the discovery of the bi-directional nature of Library-Space.  The thaumic
mathematics are complex, but boil down to the fact that all books,
everywhere, affect all other books.  This is obvious:  books inspire
other books written in the future, and cite books written in the past.
But the General Theory(2) of L-Space suggests that, in that case, the
contents of books /as yet unwritten/ can be deduced from books now in
existence.

(2) There's a Special Theory as well, but no one bothers with it much
because it's self-evidently a load of marsh gas.

  [Lords and Ladies, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 51
%passage 4
"Don't hold with schools," said Granny Weatherwax.  "They get in the way
of education.  All them books.  Books?  What good are they?  There's too
much reading these days.  We never had time to read when we was young, I
know that."

  [Lords and Ladies, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 79-80
%passage 5
The highwayman stepped over the groaning body of the driver and marched
toward the door of the coach, dragging his stepladder behind him.

He opened the door.

"Your money or, I'm sorry to say, your--"

A blast of octarine fire blew his hat off.

The dwarf's expression did not change.

"I wonder if I might be allowed to rephrase my demands?"

Ridcully looked the elegantly dressed stranger up and down, or rather
down and further down.

"You don't look like a dwarf," he said, "apart from the height, that is."

"Don't look like a dwarf apart from the height?"

I mean, the helmet and iron boots department is among those you are lacking
in," said Ridcully.

  [Lords and Ladies, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 95
%passage 6
What is magic?

There is the wizards' explanation, which comes in two forms, depending on
the age of the wizard.  Older wizards talk about candles, circles, planets,
stars, bananas, chants, runes, and the importance of having at least four
good meals every day.  Younger wizards, particularly the pale ones who
spend most of their time in the High Energy Magic building,(1) chatter at
length about fluxes in the morphic nature of the universe, the essentially
impermanent quality of even the most apparently rigid time-space framework,
the impossibility of reality, and so on:  what this means is that they have
got hold of something hot and are gabbling the physics as they go along.

(1) It was here that the thaum, hitherto believed to be the smallest
possible particle of magic, was successfully demonstrated to made up of
/resons/(2) or reality fragments.  Currently research indicates that each
reson is itself made up of a combination of at least five "flavors,"
known as "up," "down," "sideways," "sex appeal," and "peppermint."

(2) Lit: "Thing-ies."

  [Lords and Ladies, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 107
%passage 7
What is magic?

Then there is the witches' explanation, which comes in two forms, depending
on the age of the witch.  Older witches hardly put words to it at all, but
may suspect in their hearts that the universe really doesn't know what the
hell is going on and consists of a zillion trillion billion possibilities,
and could become any of them if a trained mind rigid with quantum certainty
was inserted in the crack and /twisted/; that, if you really had to make
someone's hat explode, all you needed to do was /twist/ into the universe
where a large number of hat molecules all decide at the same time to bounce
off in different directions.

Younger witches, on the other hand, talk about it all the time and believe
it involves crystals, mystic forces, and dancing about without yer drawers
on.

Everyone may to right, all at the same time.  That's the thing about
quantum.

  [Lords and Ladies, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 114; 'colorful' & 'humor' are spelled the American way, 'or' not 'our'
%passage 8
He knocked on the coach door.  The window slid down.

"I wouldn't like you to think of this as a robbery," he said.  "I'd like
you to think of it more as a colorful anecdote you might enjoy telling your
grandchildren about."

A voice from within said, "That's him!  He stole my horse!"

A wizard's staff poked out.  The chieftain saw the knob on the end.

"Now then," he said pleasantly.  "I know the rules.  Wizards aren't allowed
to use magic against civilians except in genuine life-threatening situa--"

There was a burst of octarine light.

"Actually, it's not a rule," said Ridcully.  "It's more a guideline."  He
turned to Ponder Stibbons.  "Interestin' use of Stacklady's Morphic
Resonator here, I hoped you noticed."

Ponder looked down.

The chieftain had been turned into a pumpkin, although, in accordance with
the rules of universal humor, he still had his hat on.

  [Lords and Ladies, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 149 (second half of a paragraph)
%passage 9
Things had to balance.  You couldn't set out to be a good witch or a bad
witch.  It never worked for long.  All you could try to be was a /witch/,
as hard as you could.

  [Lords and Ladies, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 162 (mid-paragraph)
%passage 10
"I'm the head wizard now.  I've only got to give an order and a thousand
wizards will... uh... disobey, come to think of it, or say 'What?', or
start to argue.  But they have to take notice.

"I've been to that University a few times," said Granny.  "A bunch of fat
old men in beards."

"That's right!  That's /them/!"

  [Lords and Ladies, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 190
%passage 11
The window was no escape this time.  There was the bed to hide under, and
that'd work for all of two seconds, wouldn't it?

Her eye was drawn by some kind of horrible magic back to the room's
garderobe, lurking behind its curtain.

Magrat lifted the lid.  The shaft was definitely wide enough to admit a
body.  Garderobes were notorious in that respect.  Several unpopular kings
met their end, as it were, in the garderobe, at the hands of an assassin
with good climbing ability, a spear, and a fundamental approach to politics.

  [Lords and Ladies, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 191 ('a' historian, not 'an'; 'Ynci' is correct)
%passage 12
Some shape, some trick of moonlight, some expression on a painted face
somehow cut through her terror and caught her eye.

That was a portrait she'd never seen before.  She'd never walked down this
far.  The idiot vapidity of the assembled queens had depressed her.  But
this one...

This one, somehow, reached out to her.

She stopped.

It couldn't have been done from life.  In the days of /this/ queen, the
only paint known locally was a sort of blue, and generally used on the body.
But a few generations ago King Lully I had been a bit of a historian and a
romantic.  He'd researched what was known of the early days of Lancre, and
where actual evidence had been a bit sparse he had, in the best traditions
of the keen ethnic historian, inferred from revealed self-evident wisdom(1)
and extrapolated from associated sources(2).  He'd commissioned the
portrait of Queen Ynci the Short-Tempered, one of the founders of the
kingdom.

(1) Made it up.

(2) Had read a lot of stuff that other people had made up, too.

  [Lords and Ladies, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Men at Arms (14)
%passage 1
The maze was so small that people got lost looking for it.

  [Men at Arms, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 6-7 (Harper Torch edition)
%passage 2
Ankh-Morpork had a king again.

And this was /right/.  And it was /fate/ that let Edward recognize this
/just/ when he'd got his Plan.  And it was /right/ that it was /Fate/,
and the city would be /Saved/ from its ignoble present by its /glorius/
past.  He had the /Means/, and he had the /end/.  And so on ...
Edward's thoughts often ran like this.

He could think in /italics/.  Such people need watching.

Preferably from a safe distance.

  [Men at Arms, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 76-77
%passage 3
There were such things as dwarf gods.  Dwarfs were not a naturally
religious species, but in a world where pit props could crack without
warning and pockets of fire damp could suddenly explode they'd seen the
need for gods as the sort of supernatural equivalent of a hard hat.
Besides, when you hit your thumb with an eight-pound hammer it's nice
to be able to blaspheme.  It takes a very special and strong-minded
kind of atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their
other armpit and shout, "Oh, random fluctuations-in-the-space-time-
continuum!" or "Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch!"

  [Men at Arms, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 119 (perhaps a bit subtle; it would be clearer if 'they' was italicized)
%passage 4
"It's an ancient tradition," said Carrot.

"I thought dwarfs didn't believe in devils and demons and stuff like
that."

"That's true, but ... we're not sure if they know."

"Oh."

  [Men at Arms, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 168-169 (treacle == molasses)
%passage 5
"I'd like a couple of eggs," said Vimes, "with the yolks real hard but
the whites so runny that they drip like treacle.  And I want bacon, that
special bacon all covered with bony nodules and dangling bits of fat.
And a slice of fried bread.  The kind that makes your arteries go clang
just by looking at it."

"Tough order," said Harga.

"You managed it yesterday.  And give me some more coffee.  Black as
midnight on a moonless night."

Harga looked surprised.  That wasn't like Vimes.

"How black's that, then?" he said.

"Oh pretty damn black, I should think."

"Not necessarily."

"What?"

"You get more stars on a moonless night.  Stands to reason.  They show up
more.  It can be quite bright on a moonless night."

Vimes sighed.

"An /overcast/ moonless night?" he said.

Harga looked carefully at his coffee pot.

"Cumulous or cirro-nimbus?"

"I'm sorry.  What did you say?"

"You gets city lights reflected off cumulous, because it's low lying, see.
Mind you, you can get high-altitude scatter off the ice crystals in--"

"A moonless night," said Vimes, in a hollow voice, "that is as black as
that coffee."

"Right!"

"And a doughnut."  Vimes grabbed Harga's stained vest and pulled him
until they were nose to nose.  "A doughnut as doughnutty as a doughnut
made of flour, water, one large egg, sugar, a pinch of yeast, cinnamon
to taste and a jam, jelly, or rat filling depending on national or
species preference, OK?  Not as doughnutty as something in any way
metaphorical.  Just a doughnut.  One doughnut."

"A doughnut."

"Yes."

"You only had to say."

Harga brushed off his vest, gave Vimes a hurt look, and went back into
the kitchen.

  [Men at Arms, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 174 (clumsy wording; 'they' in 2nd sentence != 'they' in 1st sentence)
%passage 6
Why had they chased someone halfway across the city?  Because they'd
run away.  /No one/ ran away from the Watch.  Thieves just flashed their
licenses.  Unlicensed thieves had nothing to fear from the Watch, since
they'd saved up all their fear for the Thieves' Guild.  Assassins always
obeyed the letter of the law.  And honest men didn't run away from the
Watch.(1)  Running away from the Watch was downright suspicious.

(1) The axiom "Honest men have nothing to fear from the police" is
currently under review by the Axioms Appeal Board.

  [Men at Arms, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 176-177 ("this [sic; no 'is'] the pork futures warehouse")
%passage 7
"Oh, my," said Detritus.  "I think this the pork futures warehouse in
Morpork Road."

"What?"

"Used to work here," said the troll.  "Used to work everywhere.  Go away,
you stupid troll, you too thick," he added, gloomily.

"Is there any way out?"

"The main door is in Morpork Street.  But no one comes in here for months.
Till pork exists."(1)

Cuddy shivered.

(1) Probably no other world in the multiverse has warehouses for things
which only exist /in potentia/, but the pork futures warehouse in Ankh-
Morpork is a product of the Patrician's rules about baseless metaphors,
the literal-mindedness of citizens who assume that everything must
exist somewhere, and the general thinness of the fabric of reality
around Ankh, which is so thin that it's as thin as a very thin thing.
The net result is that trading in pork futures--in pork /that doesn't
exist yet/--led to the building of the warehouse to store it until it
does.  The extremely low temperatures are caused by the imbalance in
the temporal energy flow.  At least, that's what the wizards in the
High Energy Magic building say.  And they've got proper pointy hats and
letters after their name, so they know what they're talking about.

  [Men at Arms, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 212
%passage 8
Black mud, more or less dry, made a path at the bottom of the tunnel.
There was slime on the walls, too, indicating that at some point in the
recent past the tunnel had been full of water.  Here and there huge
patches of fungi, luminous with decay, cast a faint glow over the
ancient stonework.(1)

(1) It didn't need to.  Cuddy, belonging to a race that worked underground
for preference, and Detritus, a member of a race notoriously nocturnal,
had excellent vision in the dark.  But mysterious caves and tunnels
always have luminous fungi, strangely bright crystals or at a pinch
merely an eldritch glow in the air, just in case a human hero comes in
and needs to see in the dark.  Strange but true.

  [Men at Arms, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 218
%passage 9
"He's bound to have done /something/," Noddy repeated.

In this he was echoing the Patrician's view of crime and punishment.  If
there was a crime, there should be punishment.  If the specific criminal
should be involved in the punishment process then this was a happy
accident, but if not then any criminal would do, and since everyone was
undoubtedly guilty of something, the net result was that, /in general
terms/, justice was done.

  [Men at Arms, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 226
%passage 10
The librarian considered matters for a while.  So ... a dwarf and a troll.
He preferred both species to humans.  For one thing, neither of them were
great readers.  The Librarian was, of course, very much in favor of
reading in general, but readers in particular got on his nerves.  There
was something, well, /sacrilegious/ about the way they kept taking books
off the shelves and wearing out the words by reading them.  He liked
people who loved and respected books, and the best way to do that, in
the Librarian's opinion, was to leave them on the shelves where Nature
intended them to be.

  [Men at Arms, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 253
%passage 11
Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.

  [Men at Arms, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 265 (fyi, they're decorated chicken eggs)
%passage 12
"All those little heads ... "

They stretched away in the candlelight, shelf on shelf of them, tiny
little clown faces--as if a tribe of headhunters had suddenly developed
a sophisticated sense of humor and a desire to make the world a better
place.

  [Men at Arms, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 300-301
%passage 13
"You know what I mean!"

"Can't say I do.  Can't say I do.  Clothing has never been what you might
call a thingy of dog wossname."  Gaspode scratched his ear.  "Two meta-
syntactic variables there.  Sorry."

  [Men at Arms, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 320
%passage 14
"Hahaha, a nice day for it!" leered the Bursar.

"Oh dear," said Ridcully, "he's off again.  Can't understand the man.
Anyone got the dried frog pills?"

It was a complete mystery to Mustrum Ridcully, a man designed by nature to
live outdoors and happily slaughter anything that coughed in the bushes,
why the Bursar (a man designed by Nature to sit in a small room somewhere,
adding up figures) was so nervous.  He'd tried all sorts of things to, as
he put it, buck him up.  These included practical jokes, surprise early
morning runs, and leaping out at him from behind doors while wearing
Willie the Vampire masks in order, he said, to take him out of himself.

  [Men at Arms, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Soul Music (11)
%passage 1
But this didn't feel like magic.  It felt a lot older than that.  It felt
like music.

  [Soul Music, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%passage 2
"Yes," said the skull.  "Quit while you're a head, that's what I say."

  [Soul Music, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p.2 (Harper Torch edition)
%passage 3
But if it is true that the act of observing changes the thing which is
observed,(1) it's even more true that it changes the observer.

(1) Because of Quantum.

  [Soul Music, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p.8
%passage 4
It is said that whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad.
In fact, whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first hand the
equivalent of a stick with a fizzing fuse and Acme Dynamite Company
written on the side.  It's more interesting, and doesn't take so long.

  [Soul Music, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 63-64
%passage 5
Then the skull said:  "Kids today, eh?"

"I blame education," said the raven.

"A lot of knowledge is a dangerous thing," said the skull.  "A lot more
dangerous than just a little.  I always used to say that, when I was
alive."

"When was that, exactly?"

"Can't remember.  I think I was pretty knowledgeable.  Probably a teacher
or philosopher, something of that kidney.  And now I'm on a bench with a
bird crapping on my head."

"Very allegorical," said the raven.

  [Soul Music, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 87 (Stabbing: "in the" both capitalized; "and" not so)
%passage 6
The Mended Drum had traditionally gone in for, well, traditional pub games,
such as dominoes, darts, and Stabbing People In The Back and Taking All
Their Money.  The new owner had decided to go up-market.  This was the
only available direction.

  [Soul Music, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 125-126 ("him"==Librarian;
#              Leonard of Quirm==Discworld analog of Leonardo da Vinci)
%passage 7
The Library didn't only contain magical books, the ones which are chained
to their shelves and are very dangerous.  It also contained perfectly
ordinary books, printed on commonplace paper in mundane ink.  It would be
a mistake to think that they weren't also dangerous, just because reading
them didn't make fireworks go off in the sky.  Reading them sometimes did
the more dangerous trick of making fireworks go off in the privacy of the
reader's brain.

For example, the big volume open in front of him contained some of the
collected drawings of Leonard of Quirm, skilled artist and certified
genius, with a mind that wandered so much it came back with souvenirs.

Leonard's books were full of sketches--of kittens, of the way water flows,
of the wives of influential Ankh-Morporkian merchants whose portraits had
provided his means of making a living.  But Leonard had been a genius and
was deeply sensitive to the wonders of the world, so the margins were full
of detailed doodles of whatever was on this mind at the moment--vast
water-powered engines for bringing down city walls on the heads of the
enemy, new types of siege guns for pumping flaming oil over the enemy,
gunpowder rockets that showered the enemy with burning phosphorous, and
other manufactures of the Age of Reason.

And there had been something else.  The Librarian had noticed it in
passing once before, and had been slightly puzzled by it.  It seemed out
of place.(1)

(1) And didn't appear to do anything to the enemy /at all/.

  [Soul Music, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 152 (much of the story concerns "Music With Rocks In")
%passage 8
Some religions say that the universe was started with a word, a song,
a dance, a piece of music.  The Listening Monks of the Ramtops have
trained their hearing until they can tell the value of a playing card by
listening to it, and have made it their task to listen intently to the
subtle sounds of the universe to piece together, from the fossile echoes,
the very first noises.

There was certainly, they say, a very strange noise at the beginning of
everything.

But the keenest ears (the ones who win most at poker), who listen to the
frozen echoes in the ammonites and amber, swear they can detect some tiny
sounds before that.

It sounded, they say, like someone counting:  One, Two, Three, Four.

The very best one, who listened to basalt, said he thought he could make
out, very faintly, some numbers that came even earlier.

When they asked him what it was, he said:  "It sounds like One, Two."

  [Soul Music, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 227
%passage 9
The Death of Rats put his nose in his paws.  It was a lot easier with
rats.(1)

(1) Rats had featured largely in the history of Ankh-Morpork.  Shortly
before the Patrician came to power there was a terrible plague of rats.
The city council countered it by offering twenty pence for every rat
tail.  This did, for a week or two, reduce the number of rats--and then
people were suddenly queueing up with tails, the city treasury was being
drained, and no one seemed to be doing much work.  And there /still/
seemed to be a lot of rats around.  Lord Vetinari had listened carefully
while the problem was explained, and had solved the thing with one
memorable phrase which said a lot about him, about the folly of bounty
offers, and about the natural instinct of Ankh-Morporkians in any
situation involving money:  "Tax the rat farms."

  [Soul Music, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 313-314 (Drongo and Big Mad Adrian are students)
%passage 10
The Archchancellor polished this staff as he walked along.  It was a
particularly good one, six feet long and quite magical.  Not that he used
magic very much.  In his experience, anything that couldn't be disposed of
with a couple of whacks from six feet of oak was probably immune to magic
as well.

"Don't you think we should have brought the senior wizards, sir?" said
Ponder, struggling to keep up.

"I'm afraid that taking them along in their present state of mind would
only make what happens"--Ridcully sought for a useful phrase, and settled
for--"happen worse.  I've insisted they stay in college."

"How about Drongo and the others?" said Ponder hopefully.

"Would they be any good in the event of a thaumaturgical dimension rip of
enormous proportions?" said Ridcully.  "I remember poor Mr. Hong.  One
minute he was dishing up an order of double cod and mushy peas, the
next ..."

"Kaboom?" said Ponder.

"Kaboom?" said Ridcully, forcing his way up the crowded street.  "Not
that I heard tell.  More like 'Aaaaerrrr-scream-gristle- gristle-gristle-
crack' and a shower of fried food.  Big Mad Adrian and his friends any
good when the chips are down?"

"Um.  Probably not, Archchancellor."

"Correct.  People shout and run about.  That never did any good.  A pocket
full of decent spells and a well-charged staff will get you out of trouble
nine times out of ten."

"Nine times out of ten?"

"Correct."

"How many times have you had to rely on them, sir?"

"Well ... there was Mr. Hong ... that business with the thing in the
Bursar's wardrobe ... that dragon, you remember ..." Ridcully's lips
moved silently as he counted on his fingers.  "Nine times, so far."

"It worked every time, sir?"

"Absolutely!  So there's no need to worry.  Gangway!  Wizard comin'
through."

  [Soul Music, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 339
%passage 11
The wizards went rigid as the howl rang through the building.  It was
slightly animal but also mineral, metallic, edged like a saw.

Eventually the Lecturer in Recent Runes said, "Of course, just because
we've heard a spine-chilling blood-curdling scream of the sort to make
your very marrow freeze in your bones doesn't automatically mean there's
anything wrong."

The wizards looked out into the corridor.

"It came from downstairs somewhere," said the Chair of Indefinite Studies,
heading for the staircase.

"So why are you going /upstairs/?"

"Because I'm not daft!"

"But it might be some terrible emanation!"

"You don't say?" said the Chair, still accelerating.

"All right, please yourself.  That's the students floor up there."

"Ah, Er--"

The Chair came down slowly, occasionally glancing fearfully up the stairs.

  [Soul Music, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Interesting Times (10)
# p.1 (footnote)
%passage 1
Whatever happens, they say afterwards, it must have been fate.  People are
always a little confused about this, as they are in the case of miracles.
When someone is saved from certain death by a strange concatenation of
circumstances, they say that's a miracle.  But of course if someone is
killed by a freak chain of events--the oil spilled just there, the safety
fence broken just there--that must also be a miracle.  Just because it's
not nice doesn't mean it's not miraculous.

  [Interesting Times, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 18
%passage 2
"Oh, no," said the Lecturer in Recent Runes, pushing his chair back.  "Not
that.  That's meddling with things you don't understand."

"Well, we /are/ wizards," said Ridcully. "We're supposed to meddle with
things we don't understand.  If we hung around waitin' till we understood
things we'd never get anything done."

  [Interesting Times, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 4
%passage 3
According to the philosopher Ly Tin Wheedle, chaos is found in greatest
abundance wherever order is being sought.  It always defeats order, because
it is better organized.

  [Interesting Times, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 14
%passage 4
Many things went on at Unseen University and, regrettably, teaching had to
be one of them.  The faculty had long ago confronted this fact and had
perfected various devices for avoiding it.  But this was perfectly all
right because, to be fair, so had the students.

The system worked quite well and, as happens in such cases, had taken on
the status of a tradition.  Lectures clearly took place, because they
were down there on the timetable in black and white.  The fact that no one
attended was an irrelevant detail.  It was occasionally maintained that
this meant that the lectures did not in fact happen at all, but no one ever
attended them to find out if this was true.  Anyway, it was argued (by the
Reader in Woolly Thinking(1)) that lectures had taken place /in essence/,
so that was all right, too.

And therefore education at the University mostly worked by the age-old
method of putting a lot of young people in the vicinity of a lot of books
and hoping that something would pass from one to the other, while the
actual young people put themselves in the vicinity of inns and taverns
for exactly the same reason.

(1) Which is like Fuzzy Logic, only less so.

  [Interesting Times, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 20 (speaker is Archchancellor Ridcully; sad, hopeless person is Rincewind)
%passage 5
"Wizzard?" he said.  "What kind of sad, hopeless person needs to write
WIZZARD on their hat?"

  [Interesting Times, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 113
%passage 6
Self-doubt was something not regularly entertained within the Cohen cranium.
When you're trying to carry a struggling temple maiden and a sack of looted
temple goods in one hand and fight off half a dozen angry priests with the
other there is little time for reflection.  Natural selection saw to it
that professional heroes who at a crucial moment tended to ask themselves
questions like "What is the purpose of life?" very quickly lacked both.

  [Interesting Times, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 113 (same page as previous passage...)
%passage 7
Cohen's father had taken him to a mountain top, when he was no more than a
lad, and explained to him the hero's creed and told him that there was no
greater joy than to die in battle.

Cohen had seen the flaw in this straight away, and a lifetime's experience
had reinforced his belief that in fact a greater joy was to kill the /other/
bugger in battle and end up sitting on a heap of gold higher than your
horse.  It was an observation that had served him well.

  [Interesting Times, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 144
%passage 8
"'Dang'?" he said.  "Wassat mean?  And what's this 'darn' and 'heck'?"

"They are ... /civilised/ swearwords." said Mr. Saveloy.

"Well, you can take 'em and--"

"Ah?" said Mr. Saveloy, raising a cautionary finger.

"You can shove them up--"

"Ah?"

"You can--"

"Ah?"

Truckle shut his eyes and clenched his fists.

"Darn it all to heck!" he shouted.

"Good," said Mr. Saveloy.  "That's much better."

  [Interesting Times, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 219 (sic: "Dedd")
%passage 9
The taxman was warming to his new job.  He'd worked out that although the
Horde, as individuals, had acquired mountains of cash in their careers as
barbarian heroes they'd lost almost all of it engaging in the other
activities (he mentally catalogued these as Public Relations) necessary to
the profession, and therefore were entitled to quite a considerable rebate.

The fact that they were registered with no revenue collecting authority
/anywhere/(1) was entirely a secondary point.  It was the principle that
counted.  And the interest, too, of course.

(1) Except on posters with legends like "Wanted--Dedd".

  [Interesting Times, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 297
%passage 10
"What do we do now?" said Mr. Saveloy.  "Do we do a battle chant or
something?"

"We just wait," said Cohen.

"There's a lot of waiting in warfare," said Boy Willie.

"Ah, yes," said Mr. Saveloy.  "I've heard people say that.  They say
there's long periods of boredom followed by short periods of excitement."

"Not really," said Cohen.  "It's more like short periods of waiting
followed by long periods of being dead."

  [Interesting Times, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Maskerade (9)
# pp. 81-82, continued on pp. 87-89 (Harper Torch edition; apparently
#       transcribed from some other edition based on quote marks used;
#       a great number of very short paragraphs--it stretches a long way
#       when using a blank line to separate one paragraph from another;
#       one omitted bit is that after Granny shuffles the deck of cards
#       and deals two poker hands, Death swaps them, suggesting that
#       he suspected her of cheating; initial transcription left off
#       the most interesting bit, Death's wink at the end)
%passage 1
'Maybe you could ... help us?'

'What's wrong?'

'It's my boy ...'

Granny opened the door farther and saw the woman standing behind Mr. Slot.
One look at her face was enough.  There was a bundle in her arms.

Granny stepped back.  'Bring him in and let me have a look at him.'

She took the baby from the woman, sat down on the room's one chair, and
pulled back the blanket.  Nanny Ogg peered over her shoulder.

'Hmm,' said Granny, after a while.  She glanced at Nanny, who gave an
almost imperceptible shake of her head.

'There's a curse on this house, that's what it is,' said Slot.  'My best
cow's been taken mortally sick, too.'

'Oh?  You have a cowshed?' said Granny.  'Very good place for a sickroom,
a cowshed.  It's the warmth.  You better show me where it is.'

'You want to take the boy down there?'

'Right now.'

  [...]

'How many have you come for?'

ONE.

'The cow?'

Death shook his head.

'It could /be/ the cow.'

NO.  THAT WOULD BE CHANGING HISTORY.

'History is about things changing.'

NO.

Granny sat back.

'Then I challenge you to a game.  That's traditional.  That's /allowed/.'

Death was silent for a moment.

THIS IS TRUE.

'Good.'

CHALLENGING ME BY MEANS OF A GAME IS ALLOWABLE.

"Yes."

HOWEVER ... YOU UNDERSTAND THAT TO WIN ALL YOU MUST GAMBLE ALL?

'Double or quits?  Yes, I know.'

BUT NOT CHESS.

'Can't abide chess.'

OR CRIPPLE MR. ONION.  I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THE RULES.

'Very well.  How about one hand of poker?  Five cards each, no draws?
Sudden death, as they say.'

Death thought about this, too.

YOU KNOW THIS FAMILY?

'No.'

THEN WHY?

'Are we talking or are we playing?'

OH, VERY WELL.

  [...]

Granny looked at her cards, and threw them down.

FOUR QUEENS.  HMM.  THAT /IS/ VERY HIGH.

Death looked down at his cards, and then up into Granny's steady, blue-eyed
gaze.

Neither moved for some time.

Then Death laid the hand on the table.

I LOSE, he said.  ALL I HAVE IS FOUR ONES.

He looked back into Granny's eyes for a moment.  There was a blue glow in
the depth of his eye-sockets.  Maybe, for the merest fraction of a second,
barely noticeable even to the closest observation, one winked off.

  [Maskerade, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 67 (Harper Torch edition; as above, transcribed from some other edition)
%passage 2
The letter inside was on a sheet of the Opera House's own note paper.
In neat, copperplate writing, it said:

  Ahahahahaha!  Ahahahaha!  Aahahaha!
            BEWARE!!!!!

          Yrs sincerely
              The Opera Ghost

'What sort of person,' said Salzella patiently, 'sits down and /writes/ a
maniacal laugh?  And all those exclamation marks, you notice?  Five?  A
sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.  Opera can do
that to a man.'

     [Maskerade, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 30-31 (Harper Torch edition)
%passage 3
Agnes had woken up one morning with the horrible realization that she'd
been saddled with a lovely personality.  It was as simple as that.  Oh,
and very good hair.

It wasn't so much the personality, it was the "but" people always added
when they talked about it.  /But she's got a lovely personality/, they
said.  It was the lack of choice that rankled.  No one had asked her,
before she was born, whether she wanted a lovely personality or whether
she'd prefer, say, a miserable personality but a body that could take
size nine in dresses.  Instead, people would take pains to tell her that
beauty was only skin-deep, as if a man ever fell for an attractive pair
of kidneys.

  [Maskerade, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 258
%passage 4
'And what can I get you, officers?' she said.

'Officers?  Us?' said the Count de Nobbes.  'What makes you think we're
watchmen?'

'He's got a helmet on,' Nanny pointed out.  'Also, he's got his badge
pinned to his coat.'

'I /told/ you to put it away!' Nobby hissed.  He looked at Nanny and
smiled uneasily.  'Milit'ry chic,' he said.  'It's just a fashion
accessory.  Actually, we are gentlemen of means and have nothing to do
with the city Watch whatsoever.'

'Well, /gentlemen/, would you like some wine?'

'Not while we on duty, t'anks,' said the troll.

  [Maskerade, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 27 (Harper Torch edition)
%passage 5
Lancre had always bred strong, capable women.  A Lancre farmer needed a
wife who'd think nothing of beating a wolf to death with her apron when
she went out to get some firewood.  And, while kissing initially seemed to
have more charms than cookery, a stolid Lancre lad looking for a bride
would bear in mind his father's advice that kisses eventually lost their
fire but cookery tended to get even better over the years, and direct his
courting to those families that clearly showed a tradition of enjoying
their food.

  [Maskerade, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 28
%passage 6
Music and magic had a lot in common.  They were only two letters apart,
for one thing.  And you couldn't do both.

  [Maskerade, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 31
%passage 7
She'd caught herself saying "poot!" and "dang!" when she wanted to swear,
and using pink writing paper.

She'd got a reputation for being calm and capable in a crisis.

Next thing she knew she'd be making shortbread and apple pies as good as
her mother's, and then there'd be no hope for her.

So she'd introduced Perdita.  She'd heard somewhere that inside every fat
woman was a thin woman trying to get out,(1) so she'd named her Perdita.
She was a good repository for all those thoughts that Agnes couldn't think
on account of her wonderful personality.  Perdita would use black writing
paper if she could get away with it, and would be beautifully pale instead
of embarrassingly flushed.  Perdita wanted to be an interestingly lost soul
in plum-colored lipstick.  Just occasionally, though, Agnes thought
Perdita was as dumb as she was.

(1) Or, at least, dying for chocolate.

  [Maskerade, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 197 (dress shop proprietor has just sold an expensive dress to Granny)
%passage 8
She looked down at the money in her hand.

She knew about old money, which was somehow hallowed by the fact that
people had hung on to it for years, and she knew about new money, which
seemed to be being made by all these upstarts that were flooding into the
city these days.  But under her powdered bosom she was an Ankh-Morpork
shopkeeper, and knew that the best kind of money was the sort that was in
her hand rather than someone else's.  The best kind of money was mine,
not yours.

Besides, she was also enough of a snob to confuse rudeness with good
breeding.  In the same way that the really rich can never be mad (they're
eccentric), so they can also never be rude (they're outspoken and
forthright).

  [Maskerade, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 288-289
%passage 9
Detritus reached down and picked up an eye patch.

"What d'you think, then?" said Nobby scornfully.  "You think he turned into
a bat and flew away?"

"Ha!  I do not t'ink that 'cos it is in ... consist ... ent with modern
policing," said Detritus.

"Well, /I/ think," said Nobby, "that when you have ruled out the impossible,
what is left, however improbable, ain't worth hanging around on a cold night
wonderin' about when you could be getting on the outside of a big drink.
Come on.  I want to try a leg of the elephant that bit me."

"Was dat irony?"

"That was metaphor."

  [Maskerade, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
%e title
#
#
#
%title Feet of Clay (14)
%passage 1
Rumour is information distilled so finely that it can filter through
anything.  It does not need doors and windows -- sometimes it does not need
people.  It can exist free and wild, running from ear to ear without ever
touching lips.

  [Feet of Clay, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 337 (Harper Torch edition)
%passage 2
It was hard enough to kill a vampire.  You could stake them down and turn
them into dust and ten years later someone drops a drop of blood in the
wrong place and /guess who's back/?  They returned more times than raw
broccoli.

  [Feet of Clay, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 4
%passage 3
People look down on stuff like geography and meteorology, and not only
because they're standing on one and being soaked by the other.  They don't
look quite like real science.(1)  But geography is only physics slowed
down and with a few trees stuck on it, and meteorology is full of
excitingly fashionable chaos and complexity.  And summer isn't a time.
It's a place as well.  Summer is a moving creature and likes to go south
for the winter.

(1) That is to say, the sort you can use to give something three extra
legs and then blow it up.

  [Feet of Clay, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 19
%passage 4
Upstairs, Vimes pushed open his office door carefully.  The Assassins'
Guild played to rules.  You could say that about the bastards.  It was
terribly bad form to kill a bystander.  Apart from anything else, you
wouldn't get paid.  So traps in his office were out of the question,
because too many people were in and out of it every day.  Even so, it
paid to be careful.  Vimes /was/ good at making the kind of rich enemies
who could afford to employ assassins.  The assassins had to be lucky
only once, but Vimes had to be lucky all the time.

  [Feet of Clay, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 86 (passage continues, actually finding an image in dead man's eyes)
%passage 5
"Er ... have you ever heard the story about dead men's eyes, sir?"

"Assume I haven't had a literary education, Littlebottom."

"Well ... they say ..."

"/Who/ say?"

"/They/, sir.  You know, /they/."

"The same people who're the 'everyone' in 'everyone knows'?  The people
who live in 'the community'?"

"Yes, sir.  I suppose so, sir."

Vimes waved a hand.  "Oh, /them/.  Well, go on."

"They say that the last thing a man sees stays imprinted in his eyes, sir."

"Oh, /that/.  That's just an old story."

  [Feet of Clay, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# pp. 127-128
%passage 6
Everyone in the city looked after themselves.  That's what the guilds were
for.  People banded together against other people.  The guild looked after
you from the cradle to the grave or, in the case of the Assassins, to
other people's graves.  They even maintained the law, or at least they had
done, after a fashion.  Thieving without a license was punishable by death
for the first offense.(1)  The Thieves' Guild saw to that.  The arrangement
sounded unreal, but it worked.

It worked like a machine.  That was fine except for the occasional people
who got caught in the wheels.

(1) The Ankh-Morpork view of crime and punishment was that the penalty for
the first offence should prevent the possibility of a second offense.

  [Feet of Clay, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 129, continued pp. 132-133
%passage 7
Vimes struggled to his feet, shook his head, and set off after it.  No
thought was involved.  It is the ancient instinct of terriers and
policemen to chase anything that runs away.

  [...]

Vimes pounded through the fog after the fleeing figure.  It wasn't quite
so fast as him, despite the twinges in his legs and one or two warning
stabs from his left knee, but whenever he came close to it some muffled
pedestrian got in the way, or a cart pulled out from a cross street.(1)

(1) This always happens in any police chase /anywhere/.  A heavily laden
lorry will /always/ pull out of a side alley in front of the pursuit.  If
vehicles aren't involved, then it'll be a man with a rack of garments.
Or two men with a large sheet of glass.  There's probably some kind of
secret society behind all this.

  [Feet of Clay, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# p. 165
%passage 8
Ron had a small grayish-brown, torn-eared terrier on the end of a string,
although in truth it would be hard for an observer to know exactly who
was leading whom and who, when push came to shove, would be the one to
fold at the knees if the other shouted "Sit!"  Because, although trained
canines as aids for those bereft of sight, and even of hearing, have
frequently been used throughout the universe, Foul Ole Ron was the first
person ever to own a Thinking-Brain Dog.

  [Feet of Clay, by Terry Pratchett]
%e passage
# 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