17th Rule of Friendship:
	A friend will refrain from telling you he picked up the same amount of
	life insurance coverage you did for half the price when yours is
	noncancellable.
		-- Esquire, May 1977
%
186,282 miles per second:
	It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
%
18th Rule of Friendship:
        A friend will let you hold the ladder while he goes up on the roof
        to install your new aerial, which is the biggest son-of-a-bitch you
        ever saw.
                -- Esquire, May 1977
%
2180, U.S. History question:
	What 20th Century U.S. President was almost impeached and what
	office did he later hold?
%
3rd Law of Computing:
	Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
%
667:
	The neighbor of the beast.
%
A hypothetical paradox:
	What would happen in a battle between an Enterprise security team,
	who always get killed soon after appearing, and a squad of Imperial
	Stormtroopers, who can't hit the broad side of a planet?
		-- Tom Galloway
%
A Law of Computer Programming:
	Make it possible for programmers to write in English
	and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
%
A musician, an artist, an architect:
	the man or woman who is not one of these is not a Christian.
		-- William Blake
%
A new koan:
	If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
	If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.
%
Abbott's Admonitions:
	(1) If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
	(2) If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
		-- Charles Abbot, dean, University of Virginia
%
Absent, adj.:
	Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
%
Absentee, n.:
	A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove
	himself from the sphere of exaction.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Abstainer, n.:
	A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a
	pleasure.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Absurdity, n.:
	A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Academy:
	A modern school where football is taught.
Institute:
	An archaic school where football is not taught.
%
Acceptance testing:
	An unsuccessful attempt to find bugs.
%
Accident, n.:
	A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of
	body is better.
		-- Foolish Dictionary
%
Accordion, n.:
	A bagpipe with pleats.
%
Accuracy, n.:
	The vice of being right
%
Acquaintance, n:
	A person whom we know well enough to borrow from but not well
	enough to lend to.  A degree of friendship called slight when the
	object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
ADA:
	Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in
	Computing.  Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop
	an ADA awareness.
		-- "Datamation", January 15, 1984
%
Adler's Distinction:
	Language is all that separates us from the lower animals,
	and from the bureaucrats.
%
Admiration, n.:
	Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Adore, v.:
	To venerate expectantly.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Adult, n.:
	One old enough to know better.
%
Advertising Rule:
	In writing a patent-medicine advertisement, first convince the
	reader that he has the disease he is reading about; secondly, 
	that it is curable.
%
Afternoon, n.:
	That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
%
Age, n.:
	That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we
	still cherish by reviling those that we no longer have the enterprise
	to commit.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Agnes' Law:
	Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.
%
Air Force Inertia Axiom:
	Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.
%
air, n.:
	A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the
	fattening of the poor.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Alaska:
	A prelude to "No."
%
Albrecht's Law:
	Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.
%
Alden's Laws:
	(1)  Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
	     of pregnancy.
	(2)  Always be backlit.
	(3)  Sit down whenever possible.
%
algorithm, n.:
	Trendy dance for hip programmers.
%
alimony, n:
	Having an ex you can bank on.
%
All new:
	Parts not interchangeable with previous model.
%
Allen's Axiom:
	When all else fails, read the instructions.
%
Alliance, n.:
	In international politics, the union of two thieves who have
	their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot
	separately plunder a third.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Alone, adj.:
	In bad company.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Ambidextrous, adj.:
	Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Ambiguity:
	Telling the truth when you don't mean to.
%
Ambition, n:
	An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while
	living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Amoebit:
	Amoeba/rabbit cross; it can multiply and divide at the same time.
%
Andrea's Admonition:
	Never bestow profanity upon a driver who has wronged you.
	If you think his window is closed and he can't hear you,
	it isn't and he can.
%
Androphobia:
	Fear of men.
%
Anoint, v.:
	To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently
	slippery.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Anthony's Law of Force:
	Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
%
Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
	Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least accessible
	corner of the workshop.

Corollary:
	On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike
	your toes.
%
Antonym, n.:
	The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
%
Aphasia:
	Loss of speech in social scientists when asked
	at parties, "But of what use is your research?"
%
aphorism, n.:
	A concise, clever statement.
afterism, n.:
	A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
		-- James Alexander Thom
%
Appendix:
	A portion of a book, for which nobody yet has discovered any use.
%
Applause, n:
	The echo of a platitude from the mouth of a fool.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
aquadextrous, adj.:
	Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off
	with your toes.
		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%
Arbitrary systems, pl.n.:
	Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing
	general can be said."
%
Arithmetic:
	An obscure art no longer practiced in the world's developed countries.
%
Armadillo:
	To provide weapons to a Spanish pickle.
%
Armor's Axiom:
	Virtue is the failure to achieve vice.
%
Armstrong's Collection Law:
	If the check is truly in the mail,
	it is surely made out to someone else.
%
Arnold's Addendum:
	Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.
%
Arnold's Laws of Documentation:
	(1) If it should exist, it doesn't.
	(2) If it does exist, it's out of date.
	(3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the
	    first two laws.
%
Arthur's Laws of Love:
	(1) People to whom you are attracted invariably think you
	    remind them of someone else.
	(2) The love letter you finally got the courage to send will be
	    delayed in the mail long enough for you to make a fool of
	    yourself in person.
%
ASCII:
	The control code for all beginning programmers and those who would
	become computer literate.  Etymologically, the term has come down as
	a contraction of the often-repeated phrase "ascii and you shall
	receive."
		-- Robb Russon
%
Atlanta:
	An entire city surrounded by an airport.
%
Auction:
	A gyp off the old block.
%
audophile, n:
	Someone who listens to the equipment instead of the music.
%
Authentic:
	Indubitably true, in somebody's opinion.
%
Automobile, n.:
	A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
%
Bachelor:
	A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
%
Bachelor:
	A man who chases women and never Mrs. one.
%
Backward conditioning:
	Putting saliva in a dog's mouth in an attempt to make a bell ring.
%
Bagbiter:
	1. n.; Equipment or program that fails, usually intermittently.  2.
adj.: Failing hardware or software.  "This bagbiting system won't let me get
out of spacewar." Usage: verges on obscenity.  Grammatically separable; one
may speak of "biting the bag".  Synonyms: LOSER, LOSING, CRETINOUS,
BLETCHEROUS, BARFUCIOUS, CHOMPER, CHOMPING.
%
Bagdikian's Observation:
	Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper
	is like trying to play Bach's "St. Matthew Passion" on a ukelele.
%
Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
	A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by
	governors.
%
Ballistophobia:
	Fear of bullets;
Otophobia:
	Fear of opening one's eyes.
Peccatophobia:
	Fear of sinning.
Taphephobia:
	Fear of being buried alive.
Sitophobia:
	Fear of food.
Trichophobbia:
	Fear of hair.
Vestiphobia:
	Fear of clothing.
%
Banacek's Eighteenth Polish Proverb:
	The hippo has no sting, but the wise man would rather be sat upon
	by the bee.
%
Banectomy, n.:
	The removal of bruises on a banana.
		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%
Barach's Rule:
	An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.
%
Barbara's Rules of Bitter Experience:
	(1) When you empty a drawer for his clothes
	    and a shelf for his toiletries, the relationship ends.
	(2) When you finally buy pretty stationary
	    to continue the correspondence, he stops writing.
%
Barker's Proof:
	Proofreading is more effective after publication.
%
Barometer, n.:
	An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we
	are having.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Barth's Distinction:
	There are two types of people: those who divide people into two
	types, and those who don't.
%
Baruch's Observation:
	If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
%
Basic Definitions of Science:
	If it's green or wiggles, it's biology.
	If it stinks, it's chemistry.
	If it doesn't work, it's physics.
%
BASIC, n.:
	A programming language.  Related to certain social diseases in
	that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
%
Bathquake, n.:
	The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water
	faucet is turned on to a certain point.
		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%
Battle, n.:
	A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that
	will not yield to the tongue.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Beauty, n.:
	The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Beauty:
	What's in your eye when you have a bee in your hand.
%
Begathon, n.:
	A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so
	you won't have to watch commercials.
%
Beifeld's Principle:
	The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive
	young female increases by pyramidical progression when he
	is already in the company of (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a
	better-looking and richer male friend.
		-- R. Beifeld
%
belief, n:
	Something you do not believe.
%
Bennett's Laws of Horticulture:
	(1) Houses are for people to live in.
	(2) Gardens are for plants to live in.
	(3) There is no such thing as a houseplant.
%
Benson's Dogma:
	ASCII is our god, and Unix is his profit.
%
Bershere's Formula for Failure:
	There are only two kinds of people who fail: those who
	listen to nobody... and those who listen to everybody.
%
beta test, v:
	To voluntarily entrust one's data, one's livelihood and one's
	sanity to hardware or software intended to destroy all three.
	In earlier days, virgins were often selected to beta test volcanos.
%
Bierman's Laws of Contracts:
	(1) In any given document, you can't cover all the "what if's".
	(2) Lawyers stay in business resolving all the unresolved "what if's".
	(3) Every resolved "what if" creates two unresolved "what if's".
%
Bilbo's First Law:
	You cannot count friends that are all packed up in barrels.
%
Binary, adj.:
	Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
%
Bing's Rule:
	Don't try to stem the tide -- move the beach.
%
Bipolar, adj.:
	Refers to someone who has homes in Nome, Alaska, and Buffalo, New York.
%
birth, n:
	The first and direst of all disasters.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
bit, n:
	A unit of measure applied to color.  Twenty-four-bit color
	refers to expensive $3 color as opposed to the cheaper 25
	cent, or two-bit, color that use to be available a few years ago.
%
Bizoos, n.:
	The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a basketball.
		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%
blithwapping:
	Using anything BUT a hammer to hammer a nail into the
	wall, such as shoes, lamp bases, doorstops, etc.
		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
%
Bloom's Seventh Law of Litigation:
	The judge's jokes are always funny.
%
Blore's Razor:
	Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.
%
Blutarsky's Axiom:
	Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.
%
Boling's postulate:
	If you're feeling good, don't worry.  You'll get over it.
%
Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom:
	Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so
	vividly manifests their lack of progress.
%
Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:
	Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
%
Boob's Law:
	You always find something in the last place you look.
%
Booker's Law:
	An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
%
Bore, n.:
	A guy who wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-hour vocabulary.
		-- Walter Winchell
%
Bore, n.:
	A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Boren's Laws:
	(1) When in charge, ponder.
	(2) When in trouble, delegate.
	(3) When in doubt, mumble.
%
boss, n:
	According to the Oxford English Dictionary, in the Middle Ages the
	words "boss" and "botch" were largely synonymous, except that boss,
	in addition to meaning "a supervisor of workers" also meant "an
	ornamental stud."
%
Boucher's Observation:
	He who blows his own horn always plays the music
	several octaves higher than originally written.
%
Bower's Law:
	Talent goes where the action is.
%
Bowie's Theorem:
	If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
%
boy, n:
	A noise with dirt on it.
%
Bradley's Bromide:
	If computers get too powerful, we can organize
	them into a committee -- that will do them in.
%
Brady's First Law of Problem Solving:
	When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more
	easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger
	have handled this?"
%
brain, n:
	The apparatus with which we think that we think.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
brain, v: [as in "to brain"]
	To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source
	of error in an opponent.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
brain-damaged, generalization of "Honeywell Brain Damage" (HBD), a
theoretical disease invented to explain certain utter cretinisms in
Multics, adj:
	Obviously wrong; cretinous; demented.  There is an implication
	that the person responsible must have suffered brain damage,
	because he/she should have known better.  Calling something
	brain-damaged is bad; it also implies it is unusable.
%
Bride, n.:
	A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
briefcase, n:
	A trial where the jury gets together and forms a lynching party.
%
broad-mindedness, n:
	The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
%
Brogan's Constant:
	People tend to congregate in the back of the church and the
	front of the bus.
%
brokee, n:
	Someone who buys stocks on the advice of a broker.
%
Brontosaurus Principle:
	Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them
	in relation to their environment and to their own physiology:  when
	this occurs, they are an endangered species.
		-- Thomas K. Connellan
%
Brook's Law:
	Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
%
Brooke's Law:
	Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool
	discovers something which either abolishes the system or
	expands it beyond recognition.
%
Bubble Memory, n.:
	A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence.
	See also "vacuum tube".
%
Bucy's Law:
	Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
%
Bug, n.:
	An aspect of a computer program which exists because the
	programmer was thinking about Jumbo Jacks or stock options when s/he
	wrote the program.

Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has just been fixed.
		-- Ray Simard
%
bug, n:
	A son of a glitch.
%
bug, n:
	An elusive creature living in a program that makes it incorrect.
	The activity of "debugging", or removing bugs from a program, ends
	when people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are removed.
		-- "Datamation", January 15, 1984
%
Bugs, pl. n.:
	Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.
%
Bumper sticker:
	All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest
	British manufacture.
%
Bunker's Admonition:
	You cannot buy beer; you can only rent it.
%
Burbulation:
	The obsessive act of opening and closing a refrigerator door in
	an attempt to catch it before the automatic light comes on.
		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
%
Bureau Termination, Law of:
	When a government bureau is scheduled to be phased out,
	the number of employees in that bureau will double within
	12 months after the decision is made.
%
bureaucracy, n:
	A method for transforming energy into solid waste.
%
Bureaucrat, n.:
	A person who cuts red tape sideways.
		-- J. McCabe
%
bureaucrat, n:
	A politician who has tenure.
%
Burke's Postulates:
	Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
	Don't create a problem for which you do not have the answer.
%
Burn's Hog Weighing Method:
	(1) Get a perfectly symmetrical plank and balance it across a sawhorse.
	(2) Put the hog on one end of the plank.
	(3) Pile rocks on the other end until the plank is again perfectly
	    balanced.
	(4) Carefully guess the weight of the rocks.
		-- Robert Burns
%
buzzword, n:
	The fly in the ointment of computer literacy.
%
byob, v:
	Believing Your Own Bull
%
C, n:
	A programming language that is sort of like Pascal except more like
	assembly except that it isn't very much like either one, or anything
	else.  It is either the best language available to the art today, or
	it isn't.
		-- Ray Simard
%
Cabbage, n.:
	A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as
	a man's head.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Cache:
	A very expensive part of the memory system of a computer that no one
	is supposed to know is there.
%
Cahn's Axiom:
	When all else fails, read the instructions.
%
Campbell's Law:
	Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter.
%
Canada Bill Jones's Motto:
	It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

Canada Bill Jones's Supplement:
	A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
%
Canonical, adj.:
	The usual or standard state or manner of something.  A true story:
One Bob Sjoberg, new at the MIT AI Lab, expressed some annoyance at the use
of jargon.  Over his loud objections, we made a point of using jargon as
much as possible in his presence, and eventually it began to sink in.
Finally, in one conversation, he used the word "canonical" in jargon-like
fashion without thinking.
	Steele: "Aha!  We've finally got you talking jargon too!"
	Stallman: "What did he say?"
	Steele: "He just used `canonical' in the canonical way."
%
Captain Penny's Law:
	You can fool all of the people some of the time, and
	some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
%
Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun), n.:
	The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a
	dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then
	putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%
Carson's Consolation:
	Nothing is ever a complete failure.
	It can always be used as a bad example.
%
Carson's Observation on Footwear:
	If the shoe fits, buy the other one too.
%
Carswell's Corollary:
	Whenever man comes up with a better mousetrap,
	nature invariably comes up with a better mouse.
%
Cat, n.:
	Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
%
cerebral atrophy, n:
	The phenomena which occurs as brain cells become weak and sick, and
impair the brain's performance.  An abundance of these "bad" cells can cause
symptoms related to senility, apathy, depression, and overall poor academic
performance.  A certain small number of brain cells will deteriorate due to
everday activity, but large amounts are weakened by intense mental effort
and the assimilation of difficult concepts.  Many college students become
victims of this dread disorder due to poor habits such as overstudying.

cerebral darwinism, n:
	The theory that the effects of cerebral atrophy can be reversed
through the purging action of heavy alcohol consumption.  Large amounts of
alcohol cause many brain cells to perish due to oxygen deprivation.  Through
the process of natural selection, the weak and sick brain cells will die
first, leaving only the healthy cells.  This wonderful process leaves the
imbiber with a healthier, more vibrant brain, and increases mental capacity.
Thus, the devastating effects of cerebral atrophy are reversed, and academic
performance actually increases beyond previous levels.
%
Chamberlain's Laws:
	(1) The big guys always win.
	(2) Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
%
character density, n.:
	The number of very weird people in the office.
%
Charity, n.:
	A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
%
checkuary, n:
	The thirteenth month of the year.  Begins New Year's Day and ends
	when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his checks.
%
Chef, n.:
	Any cook who swears in French.
%
Cheit's Lament:
	If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you--
	the next time he's in need.
%
Chemicals, n.:
	Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
%
Cheops' Law:
	Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
%
Chicago Transit Authority Rider's Rule #36:
	Never ever ask the tough looking gentleman wearing El Rukn headgear
	where he got his "pyramid powered pizza warmer".
		-- Chicago Reader 3/27/81
%
Chicago Transit Authority Rider's Rule #84:
	The CTA has complimentary pop-up timers available on request
	for overheated passengers.  When your timer pops up, the driver will
	cheerfully baste you.
		-- Chicago Reader 5/28/82
%
Chicken Soup:
	An ancient miracle drug containing equal parts of aureomycin,
	cocaine, interferon, and TLC.  The only ailment chicken soup
	can't cure is neurotic dependence on one's mother.
		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
%
Chism's Law of Completion:
	The amount of time required to complete a government project is
	precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
%
Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law:
	When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
%
Christmas:
	A day set apart by some as a time for turkey, presents, cranberry 
	salads, family get-togethers; for others, noted as having the best
	response time of the entire year.
%
Churchill's Commentary on Man:
	Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
	but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
%
Cinemuck, n.:
	The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which
	covers the floors of movie theaters.
		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%
clairvoyant, n.:
	A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that
	which is invisible to her patron -- namely, that he is a blockhead.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Clarke's Conclusion:
	Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing.
%
Clay's Conclusion:
	Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
%
clone, n:
	1. An exact duplicate, as in "our product is a clone of their
	product."  2. A shoddy, spurious copy, as in "their product
	is a clone of our product."
%
Clovis' Consideration of an Atmospheric Anomaly:
	The perversity of nature is nowhere better demonstrated
	than by the fact that, when exposed to the same atmosphere,
	bread becomes hard while crackers become soft.
%
COBOL:
	An exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
%
COBOL:
	Completely Over and Beyond reason Or Logic.
%
Cohen's Law:
	There is no bottom to worse.
%
Cohn's Law:
	The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less
	time you have to do anything.  Stability is achieved when you spend
	all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.
%
Cold, adj.:
	When the politicians walk around with their hands in their own pockets.
%
Cole's Law:
	Thinly sliced cabbage.
%
Collaboration, n.:
	A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the
	other fellow can spell.
%
College:
	The fountains of knowledge, where everyone goes to drink.
%
Colvard's Logical Premises:
	All probabilities are 50%.
	Either a thing will happen or it won't.

Colvard's Unconscionable Commentary:
	This is especially true when dealing with someone you're attracted to.

Grelb's Commentary:
	Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
%
Command, n.:
	Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
	such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
%
comment:
	A superfluous element of a source program included so the
	programmer can remember what the hell it was he was doing
	six months later.  Only the weak-minded need them, according
	to those who think they aren't.
%
Commitment, n.:
	[The difference between involvement and] Commitment can be
	illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs.  The chicken was
	involved, the pig was committed.
%
Committee Rules:
	(1) Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner.
	(2) Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this
	    stamps you as being wise.
	(3) Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating the
	    others.
	(4) When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed.
	(5) Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you
	    popular -- it's what everyone is waiting for.
%
Committee, n.:
	A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group
	decide that nothing can be done.
		-- Fred Allen
%
Commoner's three laws of ecology:
	(1) No action is without side-effects.
	(2) Nothing ever goes away.
	(3) There is no free lunch.
%
Complex system:
	One with real problems and imaginary profits.
%
Compliment, n.:
	When you say something to another which everyone knows isn't true.
%
compuberty, n:
	The uncomfortable period of emotional and hormonal changes a
	computer experiences when the operating system is upgraded and
	a sun4 is put online sharing files.
%
Computer science:
	(1) A study akin to numerology and astrology, but lacking the
	   precision of the former and the success of the latter.
	(2) The protracted value analysis of algorithms.
	(3) The costly enumeration of the obvious.
	(4) The boring art of coping with a large number of trivialities.
	(5) Tautology harnessed in the service of Man at the speed of light.
	(6) The Post-Turing decline in formal systems theory.
%
Computer, n.:
	An electronic entity which performs sequences of useful steps in a
	totally understandable, rigorously logical manner.  If you believe
	this, see me about a bridge I have for sale in Manhattan.
%
Concept, n.:
	Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than
	$25,000.
%
Conference, n.:
	A special meeting in which the boss gathers subordinates to hear
	what they have to say, so long as it doesn't conflict with what
	he's already decided to do.
%
Confidant, confidante, n:
	One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided to himself by C.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Confirmed bachelor:
	A man who goes through life without a hitch.
%
Conjecture: All odd numbers are prime.
	Mathematician's Proof:
		3 is prime.  5 is prime.  7 is prime.  By induction, all
		odd numbers are prime.
	Physicist's Proof:
		3 is prime.  5 is prime.  7 is prime.  9 is experimental
		error.  11 is prime.  13 is prime ...
	Engineer's Proof:
		3 is prime.  5 is prime.  7 is prime.  9 is prime.
		11 is prime.  13 is prime ...
	Computer Scientists's Proof:
		3 is prime.  3 is prime.  3 is prime.  3 is prime...
%
Connector Conspiracy, n:
	[probably came into prominence with the appearance of the KL-10,
	none of whose connectors match anything else] The tendency of
	manufacturers (or, by extension, programmers or purveyors of anything)
	to come up with new products which don't fit together with the old
	stuff, thereby making you buy either all new stuff or expensive
	interface devices.
%
Consent decree:
	A document in which a hapless company consents never to commit
	in the future whatever heinous violations of Federal law it
	never admitted to in the first place.
%
Consultant, n.:
	(1) Someone you pay to take the watch off your wrist and tell
	you what time it is. (2) (For resume use) The working title
	of anyone who doesn't currently hold a job. Motto: Have
	Calculator, Will Travel.
%
Consultant, n.:
	[From con "to defraud, dupe, swindle," or, possibly, French con
	(vulgar) "a person of little merit" + sult elliptical form of
	"insult."]  A tipster disguised as an oracle, especially one who
	has learned to decamp at high speed in spite of a large briefcase
	and heavy wallet.
%
Consultant, n.:
	An ordinary man a long way from home.
%
consultant, n.:
	Someone who knowns 101 ways to make love, but can't get a date.
%
Consultant, n.:
	Someone who'd rather climb a tree and tell a lie than stand on
	the ground and tell the truth.
%
Consultation, n.:
	Medical term meaning "to share the wealth."
%
Conversation, n.:
	A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath
	is called the listener.
%
Conway's Law:
	In any organization there will always be one person who knows
	what is going on.

	This person must be fired.
%
Copying machine, n.:
	A device that shreds paper, flashes mysteriously coded messages,
	and makes duplicates for everyone in the office who isn't
	interested in reading them.
%
Coronation, n.:
	The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible
	signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Correspondence Corollary:
	An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half
	your data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory.
%
Corry's Law:
	Paper is always strongest at the perforations.
%
court, n.:
	A place where they dispense with justice.
		-- Arthur Train
%
Coward, n.:
	One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Creditor, n.:
	A man who has a better memory than a debtor.
%
Crenna's Law of Political Accountability:
	If you are the first to know about something bad, you are going to be
	held responsible for acting on it, regardless of your formal duties.
%
critic, n.:
	A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries
	to please him.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Croll's Query:
	If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of?
%
Cropp's Law:
	The amount of work done varies inversly with the time spent in the
	office.
%
Cruickshank's Law of Committees:
	If a committee is allowed to discuss a bad idea long enough, it
	will inevitably decide to implement the idea simply because so
	much work has already been done on it.
%
cursor address, n:
	"Hello, cursor!"
		-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
%
Cursor, n.:
	One whose program will not run.
		-- Robb Russon
%
curtation, n.:
	The enforced compression of a string in the fixed-length field
environment.
	The problem of fitting extremely variable-length strings such as names,
addresses, and item descriptions into fixed-length records is no trivial
matter.  Neglect of the subtle art of curtation has probably alienated more
people than any other aspect of data processing.  You order Mozart's "Don
Giovanni" from your record club, and they invoice you $24.95 for MOZ DONG.
The witless mapping of the sublime onto the ridiculous!  Equally puzzling is
the curtation that produces the same eight characters, THE BEST, whether you
order "The Best of Wagner", "The Best of Schubert", or "The Best of the Turds".
Similarly, wine lovers buying from computerized wineries twirl their glasses,
check their delivery notes, and inform their friends, "A rather innocent,
possibly overtruncated CAB SAUV 69 TAL."  The squeezing of fruit into 10
columns has yielded such memorable obscenities as COX OR PIP.  The examples
cited are real, and the curtational methodology which produced them is still
with us.

MOZ DONG n.
	Curtation of Don Giovanni by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Lorenzo da
Ponte, as performed by the computerized billing ensemble of the Internat'l
Preview Society, Great Neck (sic), N.Y.
		-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
%
Cutler Webster's Law:
	There are two sides to every argument, unless a person
	is personally involved, in which case there is only one.
%
Cynic, n.:
	A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not
	as they ought to be.  Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking
	out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Cynic, n.:
	Experienced.
%
Cynic, n.:
	One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
%
Data, n.:
	An accrual of straws on the backs of theories.
%
Data, n.:
	Computerspeak for "information".  Properly pronounced
	the way Bostonians pronounce the word for a female child.
%
Davis' Law of Traffic Density:
	The density of rush-hour traffic is directly proportional to
	1.5 times the amount of extra time you allow to arrive on time.
%
Davis's Dictum:
	Problems that go away by themselves, come back by themselves.
%
Dawn, n.:
	The time when men of reason go to bed.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Deadwood, n.:
	Anyone in your company who is more senior than you are.
%
Death wish, n.:
	The only wish that always comes true, whether or not one wishes it to.
%
Decision maker, n.:
	The person in your office who was unable to form a task force
	before the music stopped.
%
default, n.:
	[Possibly from Black English "De fault wid dis system is you,
	mon."] The vain attempt to avoid errors by inactivity.  "Nothing will
	come of nothing: speak again." -- King Lear.
		-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
%
Default, n.:
	The hardware's, of course.
%
Deja vu:
	French., already seen; unoriginal; trite.
	Psychol., The illusion of having previously experienced
	something actually being encountered for the first time.
	Psychol., The illusion of having previously experienced
	something actually being encountered for the first time.
%
Deliberation, n.:
	The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is
	buttered on.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Dentist, n.:
	A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls
	coins out of one's pockets.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Denver, n.:
	A smallish city located just below the `O' in Colorado.
%
design, v.:
	What you regret not doing later on.
%
DeVries' Dilemma:
	If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
	hits the paper.
%
Dibble's First Law of Sociology:
	Some do, some don't.
%
Die, v.:
	To stop sinning suddenly.
		-- Elbert Hubbard
%
Dinner suggestion #302 (Hacker's De-lite):
	1 tin imported Brisling sardines in tomato sauce
	1 pouch Chocolate Malt Carnation Instant Breakfast
	1 carton milk
%
diplomacy, n:
	Lying in state.
%
Dirksen's Three Laws of Politics:
	(1) Get elected.
	(2) Get re-elected.
	(3) Don't get mad, get even.
		-- Sen. Everett Dirksen
%
disbar, n:
	As distinguished from some other bar.
%
Distinctive, adj.:
	A different color or shape than our competitors.
%
Distress, n.:
	A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
divorce, n:
	A change of wife.
%
Documentation:
	Instructions translated from Swedish by Japanese for English
	speaking persons.
%
double-blind experiment, n:
	An experiment in which the chief researcher believes he is
	fooling both the subject and the lab assistant.  Often accompanied
	by a strong belief in the tooth fairy.
%
Dow's Law:
	In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level,
	the greater the confusion.
%
Drakenberg's Discovery:
	If you can't seem to find your glasses,
	it's probably because you don't have them on.
%
Drew's Law of Highway Biology:
	The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front
	of your eyes.
%
drug, n:
	A substance that, injected into a rat, produces a scientific paper.
%
Ducharme's Precept:
	Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

Ducharme's Axiom:
	If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize
	yourself as part of the problem.
%
Duty, n:
	What one expects from others.
		-- Oscar Wilde
%
Eagleson's Law:
	Any code of your own that you haven't looked at for six or more
	months, might as well have been written by someone else.  (Eagleson
	is an optimist, the real number is more like three weeks.)
%
economics, n.:
	Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J.K. Galbraith.
		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
%
Economies of scale:
	The notion that bigger is better.  In particular, that if you want
	a certain amount of computer power, it is much better to buy one
	biggie than a bunch of smallies.  Accepted as an article of faith
	by people who love big machines and all that complexity.  Rejected
	as an article of faith by those who love small machines and all
	those limitations.
%
economist, n:
	Someone who's good with figures, but doesn't have enough
	personality to become an accountant.
%
Egotism, n:
	Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.

Egotist, n:
	A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Ehrman's Commentary:
	(1) Things will get worse before they get better.
	(2) Who said things would get better?
%
Elbonics, n.:
	The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie
	theatre.
		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
%
Electrocution, n.:
	Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
%
Elephant, n.:
	A mouse built to government specifications.
%
Eleventh Law of Acoustics:
	In a minimum-phase system there is an inextricable link between
	frequency response, phase response and transient response, as they
	are all merely transforms of one another.  This combined with
	minimalization of open-loop errors in output amplifiers and correct
	compensation for non-linear passive crossover network loading can
	lead to a significant decrease in system resolution lost.  However,
	of course, this all means jack when you listen to Pink Floyd.
%
Emacs, n.:
	A slow-moving parody of a text editor.
%
Emerson's Law of Contrariness:
	Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we
	can.  Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
%
Encyclopedia Salesmen:
	Invite them all in.  Nip out the back door.  Phone the police
	and tell them your house is being burgled.
		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
%
Endless Loop, n.:
	see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless, n.:
	see Endless Loop.
		-- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
%
Engram, n.:
	1. The physical manifestation of human memory -- "the engram."
2. A particular memory in physical form.  [Usage note:  this term is no longer
in common use.  Prior to Wilson and Magruder's historic discovery, the nature
of the engram was a topic of intense speculation among neuroscientists,
psychologists, and even computer scientists.  In 1994 Professors M. R. Wilson
and W. V. Magruder, both of Mount St. Coax University in Palo Alto, proved
conclusively that the mammalian brain is hardwired to interpret a set of
thirty seven genetically transmitted cooperating TECO macros.  Human memory
was shown to reside in 1 million Q-registers as Huffman coded uppercase-only
ASCII strings.  Interest in the engram has declined substantially since that
time.]
		-- New Century Unabridged English Dictionary,
		   3rd edition, 2007 A.D.
%
enhance, v.:
	To tamper with an image, usually to its detriment.
%
Entreprenuer, n.:
	A high-rolling risk taker who would rather
	be a spectacular failure than a dismal success.
%
Envy, n.:
	Wishing you'd been born with an unfair advantage,
	instead of having to try and acquire one.
%
Epperson's law:
	When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably
	something his wife can beat him at.
%
Etymology, n.:
	Some early etymological scholars came up with derivations that
	were hard for the public to believe.  The term "etymology" was formed
	from the Latin "etus" ("eaten"), the root "mal" ("bad"), and "logy"
	("study of").  It meant "the study of things that are hard to swallow."
		-- Mike Kellen
%
Every Horse has an Infinite Number of Legs (proof by intimidation):

Horses have an even number of legs.  Behind they have two legs, and in
front they have fore-legs.  This makes six legs, which is certainly an
odd number of legs for a horse.  But the only number that is both even
and odd is infinity.  Therefore, horses have an infinite number of
legs.  Now to show this for the general case, suppose that somewhere,
there is a horse that has a finite number of legs.  But that is a horse
of another color, and by the lemma ["All horses are the same color"],
that does not exist.
%
Every program has (at least) two purposes:
	the one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.
%
Expense Accounts, n.:
	Corporate food stamps.
%
Experience, n.:
	Something you don't get until just after you need it.
		-- Olivier
%
Expert, n.:
	Someone who comes from out of town and shows slides.
%
Extract from Official Sweepstakes Rules:

		NO PURCHASE REQUIRED TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE

To claim your prize without purchase, do the following: (a) Carefully
cut out your computer-printed name and address from upper right hand
corner of the Prize Claim Form. (b) Affix computer-printed name and
address -- with glue or cellophane tape (no staples or paper clips) --
to a 3x5 inch index card.  (c) Also cut out the "No" paragraph (lower
left hand corner of Prize Claim Form) and affix it to the 3x5 card
below your address label. (d) Then print on your 3x5 card, above your
computer-printed name and address the words "CARTER & VAN PEEL
SWEEPSTAKES" (Use all capital letters.)  (e) Finally place 3x5 card
(without bending) into a plain envelope [NOTE: do NOT use the the
Official Prize Claim and CVP Perfume Reply Envelope or you may be
disqualified], and mail to: CVP, Box 1320, Westbury, NY 11595.  Print
this address correctly.  Comply with above instructions carefully and
completely or you may be disqualified from receiving your prize.
%
Fairy Tale, n.:
	A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
%
Fakir, n:
	A psychologist whose charismatic data have inspired almost
	religious devotion in his followers, even though the sources
	seem to have shinnied up a rope and vanished.
%
falsie salesman, n:
	Fuller bust man.
%
Famous last words:
%
Famous last words:
	(1) "Don't worry, I can handle it."
	(2) "You and what army?"
	(3) "If you were as smart as you think you are, you wouldn't be
	     a cop."
%
Famous last words:
	(1) Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
	(2) Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there.
	(3) What happens if you touch these two wires tog--
	(4) We won't need reservations.
	(5) It's always sunny there this time of the year.
	(6) Don't worry, it's not loaded.
	(7) They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
	(8) Don't worry!  Women love it!
%
Famous quotations:
	" "
		-- Charlie Chaplin

	" "
		-- Harpo Marx

	" "
		-- Marcel Marceau
%
Famous, adj.:
	Conspicuously miserable.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
feature, n:
	A surprising property of a program.  Occasionaly documented.  To
	call a property a feature sometimes means the author did not
	consider that case, and the program makes an unexpected, though
	not necessarily wrong response.  See BUG.  "That's not a bug, it's
	a feature!"  A bug can be changed to a feature by documenting it.
%
fenderberg, n.:
	The large glacial deposits that form on the insides
	of car fenders during snowstorms.
		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
%
Ferguson's Precept:
	A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."
%
Fidelity, n.:
	A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
%
Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
	If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

Corollary:
	If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
%
Fifth Law of Procrastination:
	Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
	there is nothing important to do.
%
File cabinet:
	A four drawer, manually activated trash compactor.
%
filibuster, n.:
	Throwing your wait around.
%
Finagle's Creed:
	Science is true.  Don't be misled by facts.
%
Finagle's Eighth Law:
	If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

Finagle's Ninth Law:
	No matter what results are expected, someone is always willing to
	fake it.

Finagle's Tenth Law:
	No matter what the result someone is always eager to misinterpret it.

Finagle's Eleventh Law:
	No matter what occurs, someone believes it happened according to
	his pet theory.
%
Finagle's First Law:
	If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
%
Finagle's First Law:
	To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.

Finagle's Second Law:
	Always keep a record of data -- it indicates you've been working.

Finagle's Fourth Law:
	Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes
	it worse.

Finagle's Fifth Law:
	Always draw your curves, then plot your readings.

Finagle's Sixth Law:
	Don't believe in miracles -- rely on them.
%
Finagle's Second Law:
	No matter what the anticipated result, there will always be
	someone eager to (a) misinterpret it, (b) fake it, or (c) believe it
	happened according to his own pet theory.
%
Finagle's Seventh Law:
	The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
%
Finagle's Third Law:
	In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct,
	beyond all need of checking, is the mistake

Corollaries:
	(1) Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
	(2) The first person who stops by, whose advice you really
	    don't want to hear, will see it immediately.
%
Fine's Corollary:
	Functionality breeds Contempt.
%
Finster's Law:
	A closed mouth gathers no feet.
%
First Law of Bicycling:
	No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
%
First law of debate:
	Never argue with a fool.  People might not know the difference.
%
First Law of Procrastination:
	Procrastination shortens the job and places the responsibility
	for its termination on someone else (i.e., the authority who
	imposed the deadline).

Fifth Law of Procrastination:
	Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
	there is nothing important to do.
%
First Law of Socio-Genetics:
	Celibacy is not hereditary.
%
First Rule of History:
	History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each other.
%
Fishbowl, n.:
	A glass-enclosed isolation cell where newly promoted managers are
	kept for observation.
%
Five rules for eternal misery:
	(1) Always try to exhort others to look upon you favorably.
	(2) Make lots of assumptions about situations and be sure to
	    treat these assumptions as though they are reality.
	(3) Then treat each new situation as though it's a crisis.
	(4) Live in the past and future only (become obsessed with
	    how much better things might have been or how much worse
	    things might become).
	(5) Occasionally stomp on yourself for being so stupid as to
	    follow the first four rules.
%
flannister, n.:
	The plastic yoke that holds a six-pack of beer together.
		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
%
Flon's Law:
	There is not now, and never will be, a language in
	which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
%
flowchart, n. & v.:
	[From flow "to ripple down in rich profusion, as hair" + chart
"a cryptic hidden-treasure map designed to mislead the uninitiated."]
1. n. The solution, if any, to a class of Mascheroni construction
problems in which given algorithms require geometrical representation
using only the 35 basic ideograms of the ANSI template.  2. n. Neronic
doodling while the system burns.  3. n. A low-cost substitute for
wallpaper.  4. n.  The innumerate misleading the illiterate.  "A
thousand pictures is worth ten lines of code." -- The Programmer's
Little Red Vade Mecum, Mao Tse T'umps.  5. v.intrans. To produce
flowcharts with no particular object in mind.  6. v.trans. To obfuscate
(a problem) with esoteric cartoons.
		-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
%
Flugg's Law:
	When you need to knock on wood is when you realize
	that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
%
Fog Lamps, n.:
	Excessively (often obnoxiously) bright lamps mounted on the fronts
	of automobiles; used on dry, clear nights to indicate that the
	driver's brain is in a fog.  See also "Idiot Lights".
%
Foolproof Operation:
	No provision for adjustment.
%
Forecast, n.:
	A prediction of the future, based on the past, for
	which the forecaster demands payment in the present.
%
Forgetfulness, n.:
	A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for
	their destitution of conscience.
%
FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN:	#1
skilled oral communicator:
	Mumbles inaudibly when attempting to speak.  Talks to self.
	Argues with self.  Loses these arguments.

skilled written communicator:
	Scribbles well.  Memos are invariable illegible, except for
	the portions that attribute recent failures to someone else.

growth potential:
	With proper guidance, periodic counselling, and remedial training,
	the reviewee may, given enough time and close supervision, meet
	the minimum requirements expected of him by the company.

key company figure:
	Serves as the perfect counter example.
%
FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN:	#4
consistent:
	Reviewee hasn't gotten anything right yet, and it is anticipated
	that this pattern will continue throughout the coming year.

an excellent sounding board:
	Present reviewee with any number of alternatives, and implement
	them in the order precisely opposite of his/her specification.

a planner and organizer:
	Usually manages to put on socks before shoes.  Can match the
	animal tags on his clothing.
%
FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN:	#9
has management potential:
	Because of his intimate relationship with inanimate objects, the
	reviewee has been appointed to the critical position of department
	pencil monitor.

inspirational:
	A true inspiration to others.  ("There, but for the grace of God,
	go I.")

adapts to stress:
	Passes wind, water, or out depending upon the severity of the
	situation.

goal oriented:
	Continually sets low goals for himself, and usually fails
	to meet them.
%
Fortune's Rules for Memo Wars: #2

Given the incredible advances in sociocybernetics and telepsychology over
the last few years, we are now able to completely understand everything that
the author of an memo is trying to say.  Thanks to modern developments
in electrocommunications like notes, vnews, and electricity, we have an
incredible level of interunderstanding the likes of which civilization has
never known.  Thus, the possibility of your misinterpreting someone else's
memo is practically nil.  Knowing this, anyone who accuses you of having
done so is a liar, and should be treated accordingly.  If you *do* understand
the memo in question, but have absolutely nothing of substance to say, then
you have an excellent opportunity for a vicious ad hominem attack.  In fact,
the only *inappropriate* times for an ad hominem attack are as follows:

	1: When you agree completely with the author of an memo.
	2: When the author of the original memo is much bigger than you are.
	3: When replying to one of your own memos.
%
Fourth Law of Applied Terror:
	The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology
	instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.

Corollary:
	Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except
	study for that instructor's course.
%
Fourth Law of Revision:
	It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about
	interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
%
Fourth Law of Thermodynamics:
	If the probability of success is not almost one, it is damn near zero.
		-- David Ellis
%
Fresco's Discovery:
	If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.
%
Fried's 1st Rule:
	Increased automation of clerical function
	invariably results in increased operational costs.
%
Friends, n.:
	People who borrow your books and set wet glasses on them.

	People who know you well, but like you anyway.
%
Frobnicate, v.:
	To manipulate or adjust, to tweak.  Derived from FROBNITZ. Usually
abbreviated to FROB.  Thus one has the saying "to frob a frob." See TWEAK
and TWIDDLE.  Usage: FROB, TWIDDLE, and TWEAK sometimes connote points along
a continuum.  FROB connotes aimless manipulation; TWIDDLE connotes gross
manipulation, often a coarse search for a proper setting; TWEAK connotes
fine-tuning.  If someone is turning a knob on an oscilloscope, then if he's
carefully adjusting it he is probably tweaking it; if he is just turning it
but looking at the screen he is probably twiddling it; but if he's just
doing it because turning a knob is fun, he's frobbing it.
%
Frobnitz, pl. Frobnitzem (frob'nitsm) n.:
	An unspecified physical object, a widget.  Also refers to electronic
black boxes.  This rare form is usually abbreviated to FROTZ, or more
commonly to FROB.  Also used are FROBNULE, FROBULE, and FROBNODULE.
Starting perhaps in 1979, FROBBOZ (fruh-bahz'), pl. FROBBOTZIM, has also
become very popular, largely due to its exposure via the Adventure spin-off
called Zork (Dungeon).  These can also be applied to non-physical objects,
such as data structures.
%
Fuch's Warning:
	If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
	enough to travel.
%
Fudd's First Law of Opposition:
	Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
%
Fun experiments:
	Get a can of shaving cream, throw it in a freezer for about a week.
	Then take it out, peel the metal off and put it where you want...
	bedroom, car, etc.  As it thaws, it expands an unbelievable amount.
%
Fun Facts, #14:
	In table tennis, whoever gets 21 points first wins.  That's how
	it once was in baseball -- whoever got 21 runs first won.
%
Fun Facts, #63:
	The name California was given to the state by Spanish conquistadores.
	It was the name of an imaginary island, a paradise on earth, in the
	Spanish romance, "Les Serges de Esplandian", written by Montalvo in
	1510.
%
furbling, v.:
	Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank
	even when you are the only person in line.
		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%
Galbraith's Law of Human Nature:
	Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that
	there is no need to do so, almost everybody gets busy on the proof.
%
Genderplex, n.:
	The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to
	determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises).
		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%
genealogy, n.:
	An account of one's descent from an ancestor
	who did not particularly care to trace his own.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Genius, n.:
	A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright."
%
genius, n.:
	Person clever enough to be born in the right place at the right
	time of the right sex and to follow up this advantage by saying
	all the right things to all the right people.
%
genlock, n.:
	Why he stays in the bottle.
%
Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
	(1) An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
	(2) An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
	(3) The energy required to change either one of these states
	   will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so
	   much as to make the task totally impossible.
%
Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

Corollary:
	Following the rules will not get the job done.
%
Gilbert's Discovery:
	Any attempt to use the new super glues results in the two pieces
	sticking to your thumb and index finger rather than to each other.
%
Ginsberg's Theorem:
	(1) You can't win.
	(2) You can't break even.
	(3) You can't even quit the game.

Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem:
	Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem
	meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's
	Theorem.  To wit:

	(1) Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
	(2) Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
	(3) Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.
%
Ginsburg's Law:
	At the precise moment you take off your shoe in a shoe store, your
	big toe will pop out of your sock to see what's going on.
%
gleemites, n.:
	Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.
		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
%
Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability:
	Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
	probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting
	some useful work done.
%
Gnagloot, n.:
	A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to
	impress people.
		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%
Goda's Truism:
	By the time you get to the point where you can make ends meet,
	somebody moves the ends.
%
Godwin's Law (prov.  [Usenet]):
	As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a
	comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one." There is a
	tradition in many groups that, once this occurs, that thread is
	over, and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost
	whatever argument was in progress.  Godwin's Law thus guarantees
	the existence of an upper bound on thread length in those groups.
%
Gold's Law:
	If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
%
Gold, n.:
	A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution.  It
	is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to rich
	men who immediately bury it back in the earth in great prisons,
	although gold hasn't done anything to them.
		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
%
Goldenstern's Rules:
	(1) Always hire a rich attorney
	(2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
%
Gomme's Laws:
	(1) A backscratcher will always find new itches.
	(2) Time accelerates.
	(3) The weather at home improves as soon as you go away.
%
Gordon's first law:
	If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing well.
%
Gordon's Law:
	If you think you have the solution, the question was poorly phrased.
%
gossip, n.:
	Hearing something you like about someone you don't.
		-- Earl Wilson
%
Goto, n.:
	A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers
	to complain about unstructured programmers.
		-- Ray Simard
%
Government's Law:
	There is an exception to all laws.
%
Grabel's Law:
	2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
%
Grandpa Charnock's Law:
	You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

	[I thought it was when your kids learned to drive.  Ed.]
%
grasshopotomaus:
	A creature that can leap to tremendous heights... once.
%
Gravity:
	What you get when you eat too much and too fast.
%
Gray's Law of Programming:
	`_n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same
	time as `_n' tasks.

Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law:
	`_n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as `_n' trivial tasks.
%
Great American Axiom:
	Some is good, more is better, too much is just right.
%
Green's Law of Debate:
	Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
%
Greener's Law:
	Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
%
Grelb's Reminder:
	Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above
	average drivers.
%
Griffin's Thought:
	When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
%
Grinnell's Law of Labor Laxity:
	At all times, for any task, you have not got enough done today.
%
Guillotine, n.:
	A French chopping center.
%
Gumperson's Law:
	The probability of a given event occurring is inversely
	proportional to its desirability.
%
Gunter's Airborne Discoveries:
	(1)  When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft,
	     the aircraft will encounter turbulence.
	(2)  The strength of the turbulence
	     is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.
%
gurmlish, n.:
	The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich which
	prevents the person from biting into it and puncturing the roof
	of his mouth.
		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%
guru, n.:
	A person in T-shirt and sandals who took an elevator ride with
	a senior vice-president and is ultimately responsible for the
	phone call you are about to receive from your boss.
%
guru, n:
	A computer owner who can read the manual.
%
gyroscope, n.:
	A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and also
	free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpindicular to
	each other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the
	two mutually perpendicular axes results from application of
	torque to the other when the wheel is spinning and so that the
	entire apparatus offers considerable opposition depending on
	the angular momentum to any torque that would change the direction
	of the axis of spin.
		-- Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary
%
H. L. Mencken's Law:
	Those who can -- do.
	Those who can't -- teach.

Martin's Extension:
	Those who cannot teach -- administrate.
%
Hacker's Law:
	The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir
	a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
%
Hacker's Quicky #313:
	Sour Cream -n- Onion Potato Chips
	Microwave Egg Roll
	Chocolate Milk
%
hacker, n.:
	A master byter.
%
hacker, n.:
	Originally, any person with a knack for coercing stubborn inanimate
	things; hence, a person with a happy knack, later contracted by the
	mythical philosopher Frisbee Frobenius to the common usage, 'hack'.
	In olden times, upon completion of some particularly atrocious body
	of coding that happened to work well, culpable programmers would gather
	in a small circle around a first edition of Knuth's Best Volume I by
	candlelight, and proceed to get very drunk while sporadically rending
	the following ditty:

		Hacker's Fight Song

		He's a Hack!  He's a Hack!
		He's a guy with the happy knack!
		Never bungles, never shirks,
		Always gets his stuff to work!

All take a drink (important!)
%
Hale Mail Rule, The:
	When you are ready to reply to a letter, you will lack at least
	one of the following:
		(a) A pen or pencil or typewriter.
		(b) Stationery.
		(c) Postage stamp.
		(d) The letter you are answering.
%
half-done, n.:
	This is the best way to eat a kosher dill -- when it's still crunchy,
	light green, yet full of garlic flavor.  The difference between this
	and the typical soggy dark green cucumber corpse is like the
	difference between life and death.

	You may find it difficult to find a good half-done kosher dill there
	in Seattle, so what you should do is take a cab out to the airport,
	fly to New York, take the JFK Express to Jay Street-Borough Hall,
	transfer to an uptown F, get off at East Broadway, walk north on
	Essex (along the park), make your first left onto Hester Street, walk
	about fifteen steps, turn ninety degrees left, and stop.  Say to the
	man, "Let me have a nice half-done."  Worth the trouble, wasn't it?
		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
%
Hand, n.:
	A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and
	commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
handshaking protocol, n:
	A process employed by hostile hardware devices to initate a
	terse but civil dialogue, which, in turn, is characterized by
	occasional misunderstanding, sulking, and name-calling.
%
Hangover, n.:
	The burden of proof.
%
hangover, n.:
	The wrath of grapes.
%
Hanlon's Razor:
	Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained
	by stupidity.
%
Hanson's Treatment of Time:
	There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days
	before Saturday.
%
Happiness, n.:
	An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
hard, adj.:
	The quality of your own data; also how it is to believe those
	of other people.
%
Hardware, n.:
	The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
%
Harriet's Dining Observation:
	In every restaurant, the hardness of the butter pats
	increases in direct proportion to the softness of the bread.
%
Harris's Lament:
	All the good ones are taken.
%
Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
	Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
%
Harrison's Postulate:
	For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
%
Hartley's First Law:
	You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
	on his back, you've got something.
%
Hatred, n.:
	A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Hawkeye's Conclusion:
	It's not easy to play the clown when you've got to run the whole
	circus.
%
Heaven, n.:
	A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of
	their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you
	expound your own.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
heavy, adj.:
	Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
%
Heller's Law:
	The first myth of management is that it exists.

Johnson's Corollary:
	Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the
	organization.
%
Hempstone's Question:
	If you have to travel on the Titanic, why not go first class?
%
Herth's Law:
	He who turns the other cheek too far gets it in the neck.
%
Hewett's Observation:
	The rudeness of a bureaucrat is inversely proportional to his or
	her position in the governmental hierarchy and to the number of
	peers similarly engaged.
%
Hildebrant's Principle:
	If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.
%
Hippogriff, n.:
	An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin.
	The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle.
	The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one quarter eagle, which
	is two dollars and fifty cents in gold.  The study of zoology is full
	of surprises.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
History, n.:
	Papa Hegel he say that all we learn from history is that we
	learn nothing from history.  I know people who can't even learn from
	what happened this morning.  Hegel must have been taking the long view.
		-- Chad C. Mulligan, "The Hipcrime Vocab"
%
Hitchcock's Staple Principle:
	The stapler runs out of staples only while you are trying to
	staple something.
%
Hlade's Law:
	If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person --
	they will find an easier way to do it.
%
Hoare's Law of Large Problems:
	Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
%
Hoffer's Discovery:
	The grand act of a dying institution is to issue a newly
	revised, enlarged edition of the policies and procedures manual.
%
Hofstadter's Law:
	It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take
	Hofstadter's Law into account.
%
Hollerith, v.:
	What thou doest when thy phone is on the fritzeth.
%
honeymoon, n.:
	A short period of doting between dating and debting.
		-- Ray C. Bandy
%
Honorable, adj.:
	Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach.  In legislative
	bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as,
	"the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Horner's Five Thumb Postulate:
	Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
%
Horngren's Observation:
	Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
%
Household hint:
	If you are out of cream for your coffee, mayonnaise makes a
	dandy substitute.
%
HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
	#1040 Your income tax refund cheque bounces.
%
HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
	#15 Your pet rock snaps at you.
%
HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
	#32: You call your answering service and they've never heard of you.
%
Howe's Law:
	Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
%
Hubbard's Law:
	Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive.
%
Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
	The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional
	to... to... uh.....
%
IBM Pollyanna Principle:
	Machines should work.  People should think.
%
IBM's original motto:
	Cogito ergo vendo; vendo ergo sum.
%
IBM:
	[International Business Machines Corp.]  Also known as Itty Bitty
	Machines or The Lawyer's Friend.  The dominant force in computer
	marketing, having supplied worldwide some 75% of all known hardware
	and 10% of all software.  To protect itself from the litigious envy
	of less successful organizations, such as the US government, IBM
	employs 68% of all known ex-Attorneys' General.
%
IBM:
	I've Been Moved
	Idiots Become Managers
	Idiots Buy More
	Impossible to Buy Machine
	Incredibly Big Machine
	Industry's Biggest Mistake
	International Brotherhood of Mercenaries
	It Boggles the Mind
	It's Better Manually
	Itty-Bitty Machines
%
IBM:
	It may be slow, but it's hard to use.
%
idiot box, n.:
	The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the
	stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%
Idiot, n.:
	A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human
	affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
idleness, n.:
	Leisure gone to seed.
%
ignisecond, n:
	The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car
	door even as the brain is saying, "my keys are in there!"
		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%
ignorance, n.:
	When you don't know anything, and someone else finds out.
%
Iles's Law:
	There is always an easier way to do it.  When looking directly
	at the easy way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
	Neither will Iles.
%
Imbesi's Law with Freeman's Extension:
	In order for something to become clean, something else must
	become dirty; but you can get everything dirty without getting
	anything clean.
%
Immutability, Three Rules of:
	(1)  If a tarpaulin can flap, it will.
	(2)  If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
	(3)  If a teenager can go out, he will.
%
Impartial, adj.:
	Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
	espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
	conflicting opinions.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
inbox, n.:
	A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but
	are afraid to throw away.
%
incentive program, n.:
	The system of long and short-term rewards that a corporation uses
	to motivate its people.  Still, despite all the experimentation with
	profit sharing, stock options, and the like, the most effective
	incentive program to date seems to be "Do a good job and you get to
	keep it."
%
Incumbent, n.:
	Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
index, n.:
	Alphabetical list of words of no possible interest where an
	alphabetical list of subjects with references ought to be.
%
Infancy, n.:
	The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies
	about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Information Center, n.:
	A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to
	tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
%
Information Processing:
	What you call data processing when people are so disgusted with
	it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.
%
Ingrate, n.:
	A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
	indigestion.
%
ink, n.:
	A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic,
	and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of
	idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
		-- H.L. Mencken
%
innovate, v.:
	To annoy people.
%
insecurity, n.:
	Finding out that you've mispronounced for years one of your
	favorite words.

	Realizing halfway through a joke that you're telling it to
	the person who told it to you.
%
interest, n.:
	What borrowers pay, lenders receive, stockholders own, and
	burned out employees must feign.
%
Interpreter, n.:
	One who enables two persons of different languages to
	understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to
	the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
intoxicated, adj.:
	When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.
%
Iron Law of Distribution:
	Them that has, gets.
%
ISO applications:
	A solution in search of a problem!
%
Issawi's Laws of Progress:
	The Course of Progress:
		Most things get steadily worse.
	The Path of Progress:
		A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
%
It is fruitless:
	to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lactate fluid.

	to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with
	innovative maneuvers.
%
"It's in process":
	So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
%
italic, adj:
	Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases.  Unique to
	Western alphabets; in Eastern languages, the same phrases
	are often slanted to the left.
%
Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
	No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
	legislature is in session.
%
Jenkinson's Law:
	It won't work.
%
Jim Nasium's Law:
	In a large locker room with hundreds of lockers, the few people
	using the facility at any one time will all have lockers next to
	each other so that everybody is cramped.
%
job interview, n.:
	The excruciating process during which personnel officers
	separate the wheat from the chaff -- then hire the chaff.
%
job Placement, n.:
	Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
%
jogger, n.:
	An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.
%
Johnny Carson's Definition:
	The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs
	in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the
	taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
%
Johnson's First Law:
	When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
	most inconvenient possible time.
%
Johnson's law:
	Systems resemble the organizations that create them.
%
Jones' First Law:
	Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of
	endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an
	obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the
	importance of their original contribution.
%
Jones' Motto:
	Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
%
Jones' Second Law:
	The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone
	to blame it on.
%
Juall's Law on Nice Guys:
	Nice guys don't always finish last; sometimes they don't finish.
	Sometimes they don't even get a chance to start!
%
Justice, n.:
	A decision in your favor.
%
Kafka's Law:
	In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
		-- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days"
%
Karlson's Theorem of Snack Food Packages:
	For all P, where P is a package of snack food, P is a SINGLE-SERVING
	package of snack food.

Gibson the Cat's Corrolary:
	For all L, where L is a package of lunch meat, L is Gibson's package
	of lunch meat.
%
Katz' Law:
	Men and nations will act rationally when
	all other possibilities have been exhausted.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have
exhausted all other alternatives.
		-- Abba Eban
%
Kaufman's First Law of Party Physics:
	Population density is inversely proportional
	to the square of the distance from the keg.
%
Kaufman's Law:
	A policy is a restrictive document to prevent a recurrence
	of a single incident, in which that incident is never mentioned.
%
Keep in mind always the four constant Laws of Frisbee:
	(1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc
	   straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this
	   force is technically termed "car suck").
	(2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive
	   than "Watch this!"
	(3) The probability of a Frisbee hitting something is directly
	   proportional to the cost of hitting it.  For instance, a
	   Frisbee will always head directly towards a policeman or
	   a little old lady rather than the beat up Chevy.
	(4) Your best throw happens when no one is watching; when the
	   cute girl you've been trying to impress is watching, the
	   Frisbee will invariably bounce out of your hand or hit you
	   in the head and knock you silly.
%
Kennedy's Market Theorem:
	Given enough inside information and unlimited credit,
	you've got to go broke.
%
Kent's Heuristic:
	Look for it first where you'd most like to find it.
%
kern, v.:
	1. To pack type together as tightly as the kernels on an ear
	of corn.  2. In parts of Brooklyn and Queens, N.Y., a small,
	metal object used as part of the monetary system.
%
kernel, n.:
	A part of an operating system that preserves the medieval
	traditions of sorcery and black art.
%
Kettering's Observation:
	Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
%
Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness:
	Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
%
Kin, n.:
	An affliction of the blood.
%
Kington's Law of Perforation:
	If a straight line of holes is made in a piece of paper, such
	as a sheet of stamps or a check, that line becomes the strongest
	part of the paper.
%
Kinkler's First Law:
	Responsibility always exceeds authority.

Kinkler's Second Law:
	All the easy problems have been solved.
%
Kliban's First Law of Dining:
	Never eat anything bigger than your head.
%
Kludge, n.:
	An ill-assorted collection of poorly-matching parts, forming a
	distressing whole.
		-- Jackson Granholm, "Datamation"
%
Knebel's Law:
	It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading
	causes of statistics.
%
knowledge, n.:
	Things you believe.
%
Kramer's Law:
	You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the trace finds out.
%
Iles's Law:
	There is always an easier way to do it.  When looking directly
	at the easy way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
	Neither will Iles.
%
Imbesi's Law with Freeman's Extension:
	In order for something to become clean, something else must
	become dirty; but you can get everything dirty without getting
	anything clean.
%
Immutability, Three Rules of:
	(1)  If a tarpaulin can flap, it will.
	(2)  If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
	(3)  If a teenager can go out, he will.
%
Impartial, adj.:
	Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
	espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
	conflicting opinions.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
inbox, n.:
	A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but
	are afraid to throw away.
%
incentive program, n.:
	The system of long and short-term rewards that a corporation uses
	to motivate its people.  Still, despite all the experimentation with
	profit sharing, stock options, and the like, the most effective
	incentive program to date seems to be "Do a good job and you get to
	keep it."
%
Incumbent, n.:
	Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
index, n.:
	Alphabetical list of words of no possible interest where an
	alphabetical list of subjects with references ought to be.
%
Infancy, n.:
	The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies
	about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Information Center, n.:
	A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to
	tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
%
Information Processing:
	What you call data processing when people are so disgusted with
	it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.
%
Ingrate, n.:
	A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
	indigestion.
%
ink, n.:
	A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic,
	and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of
	idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
		-- H.L. Mencken
%
innovate, v.:
	To annoy people.
%
insecurity, n.:
	Finding out that you've mispronounced for years one of your
	favorite words.

	Realizing halfway through a joke that you're telling it to
	the person who told it to you.
%
interest, n.:
	What borrowers pay, lenders receive, stockholders own, and
	burned out employees must feign.
%
Interpreter, n.:
	One who enables two persons of different languages to
	understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to
	the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
intoxicated, adj.:
	When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.
%
Iron Law of Distribution:
	Them that has, gets.
%
ISO applications:
	A solution in search of a problem!
%
Issawi's Laws of Progress:
	The Course of Progress:
		Most things get steadily worse.
	The Path of Progress:
		A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
%
It is fruitless:
	to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lactate fluid.

	to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with
	innovative maneuvers.
%
"It's in process":
	So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
%
italic, adj:
	Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases.  Unique to
	Western alphabets; in Eastern languages, the same phrases
	are often slanted to the left.
%
Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
	No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
	legislature is in session.
%
Jenkinson's Law:
	It won't work.
%
Jim Nasium's Law:
	In a large locker room with hundreds of lockers, the few people
	using the facility at any one time will all have lockers next to
	each other so that everybody is cramped.
%
job interview, n.:
	The excruciating process during which personnel officers
	separate the wheat from the chaff -- then hire the chaff.
%
job Placement, n.:
	Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
%
jogger, n.:
	An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.
%
Johnny Carson's Definition:
	The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs
	in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the
	taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
%
Johnson's First Law:
	When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
	most inconvenient possible time.
%
Johnson's law:
	Systems resemble the organizations that create them.
%
Jones' First Law:
	Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of
	endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an
	obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the
	importance of their original contribution.
%
Jones' Motto:
	Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
%
Jones' Second Law:
	The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone
	to blame it on.
%
Juall's Law on Nice Guys:
	Nice guys don't always finish last; sometimes they don't finish.
	Sometimes they don't even get a chance to start!
%
Justice, n.:
	A decision in your favor.
%
Kafka's Law:
	In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
		-- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days"
%
Karlson's Theorem of Snack Food Packages:
	For all P, where P is a package of snack food, P is a SINGLE-SERVING
	package of snack food.

Gibson the Cat's Corrolary:
	For all L, where L is a package of lunch meat, L is Gibson's package
	of lunch meat.
%
Katz' Law:
	Men and nations will act rationally when
	all other possibilities have been exhausted.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have
exhausted all other alternatives.
		-- Abba Eban
%
Kaufman's First Law of Party Physics:
	Population density is inversely proportional
	to the square of the distance from the keg.
%
Kaufman's Law:
	A policy is a restrictive document to prevent a recurrence
	of a single incident, in which that incident is never mentioned.
%
Keep in mind always the four constant Laws of Frisbee:
	(1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc
	   straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this
	   force is technically termed "car suck").
	(2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive
	   than "Watch this!"
	(3) The probability of a Frisbee hitting something is directly
	   proportional to the cost of hitting it.  For instance, a
	   Frisbee will always head directly towards a policeman or
	   a little old lady rather than the beat up Chevy.
	(4) Your best throw happens when no one is watching; when the
	   cute girl you've been trying to impress is watching, the
	   Frisbee will invariably bounce out of your hand or hit you
	   in the head and knock you silly.
%
Kennedy's Market Theorem:
	Given enough inside information and unlimited credit,
	you've got to go broke.
%
Kent's Heuristic:
	Look for it first where you'd most like to find it.
%
kern, v.:
	1. To pack type together as tightly as the kernels on an ear
	of corn.  2. In parts of Brooklyn and Queens, N.Y., a small,
	metal object used as part of the monetary system.
%
kernel, n.:
	A part of an operating system that preserves the medieval
	traditions of sorcery and black art.
%
Kettering's Observation:
	Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
%
Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness:
	Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
%
Kin, n.:
	An affliction of the blood.
%
Kington's Law of Perforation:
	If a straight line of holes is made in a piece of paper, such
	as a sheet of stamps or a check, that line becomes the strongest
	part of the paper.
%
Kinkler's First Law:
	Responsibility always exceeds authority.

Kinkler's Second Law:
	All the easy problems have been solved.
%
Kliban's First Law of Dining:
	Never eat anything bigger than your head.
%
Kludge, n.:
	An ill-assorted collection of poorly-matching parts, forming a
	distressing whole.
		-- Jackson Granholm, "Datamation"
%
Knebel's Law:
	It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading
	causes of statistics.
%
knowledge, n.:
	Things you believe.
%
Kramer's Law:
	You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the trace finds out.
%
Iles's Law:
	There is always an easier way to do it.  When looking directly
	at the easy way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
	Neither will Iles.
%
Imbesi's Law with Freeman's Extension:
	In order for something to become clean, something else must
	become dirty; but you can get everything dirty without getting
	anything clean.
%
Immutability, Three Rules of:
	(1)  If a tarpaulin can flap, it will.
	(2)  If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
	(3)  If a teenager can go out, he will.
%
Impartial, adj.:
	Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
	espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
	conflicting opinions.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
inbox, n.:
	A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but
	are afraid to throw away.
%
incentive program, n.:
	The system of long and short-term rewards that a corporation uses
	to motivate its people.  Still, despite all the experimentation with
	profit sharing, stock options, and the like, the most effective
	incentive program to date seems to be "Do a good job and you get to
	keep it."
%
Incumbent, n.:
	Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
index, n.:
	Alphabetical list of words of no possible interest where an
	alphabetical list of subjects with references ought to be.
%
Infancy, n.:
	The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies
	about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Information Center, n.:
	A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to
	tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
%
Information Processing:
	What you call data processing when people are so disgusted with
	it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.
%
Ingrate, n.:
	A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
	indigestion.
%
ink, n.:
	A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic,
	and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of
	idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
		-- H.L. Mencken
%
innovate, v.:
	To annoy people.
%
insecurity, n.:
	Finding out that you've mispronounced for years one of your
	favorite words.

	Realizing halfway through a joke that you're telling it to
	the person who told it to you.
%
interest, n.:
	What borrowers pay, lenders receive, stockholders own, and
	burned out employees must feign.
%
Interpreter, n.:
	One who enables two persons of different languages to
	understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to
	the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
intoxicated, adj.:
	When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.
%
Iron Law of Distribution:
	Them that has, gets.
%
ISO applications:
	A solution in search of a problem!
%
Issawi's Laws of Progress:
	The Course of Progress:
		Most things get steadily worse.
	The Path of Progress:
		A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
%
It is fruitless:
	to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lactate fluid.

	to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with
	innovative maneuvers.
%
"It's in process":
	So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
%
italic, adj:
	Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases.  Unique to
	Western alphabets; in Eastern languages, the same phrases
	are often slanted to the left.
%
Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
	No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
	legislature is in session.
%
Jenkinson's Law:
	It won't work.
%
Jim Nasium's Law:
	In a large locker room with hundreds of lockers, the few people
	using the facility at any one time will all have lockers next to
	each other so that everybody is cramped.
%
job interview, n.:
	The excruciating process during which personnel officers
	separate the wheat from the chaff -- then hire the chaff.
%
job Placement, n.:
	Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
%
jogger, n.:
	An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.
%
Johnny Carson's Definition:
	The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs
	in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the
	taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
%
Johnson's First Law:
	When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
	most inconvenient possible time.
%
Johnson's law:
	Systems resemble the organizations that create them.
%
Jones' First Law:
	Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of
	endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an
	obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the
	importance of their original contribution.
%
Jones' Motto:
	Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
%
Jones' Second Law:
	The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone
	to blame it on.
%
Juall's Law on Nice Guys:
	Nice guys don't always finish last; sometimes they don't finish.
	Sometimes they don't even get a chance to start!
%
Justice, n.:
	A decision in your favor.
%
Kafka's Law:
	In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
		-- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days"
%
Karlson's Theorem of Snack Food Packages:
	For all P, where P is a package of snack food, P is a SINGLE-SERVING
	package of snack food.

Gibson the Cat's Corrolary:
	For all L, where L is a package of lunch meat, L is Gibson's package
	of lunch meat.
%
Katz' Law:
	Men and nations will act rationally when
	all other possibilities have been exhausted.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have
exhausted all other alternatives.
		-- Abba Eban
%
Kaufman's First Law of Party Physics:
	Population density is inversely proportional
	to the square of the distance from the keg.
%
Kaufman's Law:
	A policy is a restrictive document to prevent a recurrence
	of a single incident, in which that incident is never mentioned.
%
Keep in mind always the four constant Laws of Frisbee:
	(1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc
	   straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this
	   force is technically termed "car suck").
	(2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive
	   than "Watch this!"
	(3) The probability of a Frisbee hitting something is directly
	   proportional to the cost of hitting it.  For instance, a
	   Frisbee will always head directly towards a policeman or
	   a little old lady rather than the beat up Chevy.
	(4) Your best throw happens when no one is watching; when the
	   cute girl you've been trying to impress is watching, the
	   Frisbee will invariably bounce out of your hand or hit you
	   in the head and knock you silly.
%
Kennedy's Market Theorem:
	Given enough inside information and unlimited credit,
	you've got to go broke.
%
Kent's Heuristic:
	Look for it first where you'd most like to find it.
%
kern, v.:
	1. To pack type together as tightly as the kernels on an ear
	of corn.  2. In parts of Brooklyn and Queens, N.Y., a small,
	metal object used as part of the monetary system.
%
kernel, n.:
	A part of an operating system that preserves the medieval
	traditions of sorcery and black art.
%
Kettering's Observation:
	Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
%
Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness:
	Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
%
Kin, n.:
	An affliction of the blood.
%
Kington's Law of Perforation:
	If a straight line of holes is made in a piece of paper, such
	as a sheet of stamps or a check, that line becomes the strongest
	part of the paper.
%
Kinkler's First Law:
	Responsibility always exceeds authority.

Kinkler's Second Law:
	All the easy problems have been solved.
%
Kliban's First Law of Dining:
	Never eat anything bigger than your head.
%
Kludge, n.:
	An ill-assorted collection of poorly-matching parts, forming a
	distressing whole.
		-- Jackson Granholm, "Datamation"
%
Knebel's Law:
	It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading
	causes of statistics.
%
knowledge, n.:
	Things you believe.
%
Kramer's Law:
	You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the trace finds out.
%
Iles's Law:
	There is always an easier way to do it.  When looking directly
	at the easy way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
	Neither will Iles.
%
Imbesi's Law with Freeman's Extension:
	In order for something to become clean, something else must
	become dirty; but you can get everything dirty without getting
	anything clean.
%
Immutability, Three Rules of:
	(1)  If a tarpaulin can flap, it will.
	(2)  If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
	(3)  If a teenager can go out, he will.
%
Impartial, adj.:
	Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
	espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
	conflicting opinions.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
inbox, n.:
	A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but
	are afraid to throw away.
%
incentive program, n.:
	The system of long and short-term rewards that a corporation uses
	to motivate its people.  Still, despite all the experimentation with
	profit sharing, stock options, and the like, the most effective
	incentive program to date seems to be "Do a good job and you get to
	keep it."
%
Incumbent, n.:
	Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
index, n.:
	Alphabetical list of words of no possible interest where an
	alphabetical list of subjects with references ought to be.
%
Infancy, n.:
	The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies
	about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Information Center, n.:
	A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to
	tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
%
Information Processing:
	What you call data processing when people are so disgusted with
	it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.
%
Ingrate, n.:
	A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
	indigestion.
%
ink, n.:
	A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic,
	and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of
	idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
		-- H.L. Mencken
%
innovate, v.:
	To annoy people.
%
insecurity, n.:
	Finding out that you've mispronounced for years one of your
	favorite words.

	Realizing halfway through a joke that you're telling it to
	the person who told it to you.
%
interest, n.:
	What borrowers pay, lenders receive, stockholders own, and
	burned out employees must feign.
%
Interpreter, n.:
	One who enables two persons of different languages to
	understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to
	the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
intoxicated, adj.:
	When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.
%
Iron Law of Distribution:
	Them that has, gets.
%
ISO applications:
	A solution in search of a problem!
%
Issawi's Laws of Progress:
	The Course of Progress:
		Most things get steadily worse.
	The Path of Progress:
		A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
%
It is fruitless:
	to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lactate fluid.

	to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with
	innovative maneuvers.
%
"It's in process":
	So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
%
italic, adj:
	Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases.  Unique to
	Western alphabets; in Eastern languages, the same phrases
	are often slanted to the left.
%
Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
	No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
	legislature is in session.
%
Jenkinson's Law:
	It won't work.
%
Jim Nasium's Law:
	In a large locker room with hundreds of lockers, the few people
	using the facility at any one time will all have lockers next to
	each other so that everybody is cramped.
%
job interview, n.:
	The excruciating process during which personnel officers
	separate the wheat from the chaff -- then hire the chaff.
%
job Placement, n.:
	Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
%
jogger, n.:
	An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.
%
Johnny Carson's Definition:
	The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs
	in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the
	taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
%
Johnson's First Law:
	When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
	most inconvenient possible time.
%
Johnson's law:
	Systems resemble the organizations that create them.
%
Jones' First Law:
	Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of
	endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an
	obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the
	importance of their original contribution.
%
Jones' Motto:
	Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
%
Jones' Second Law:
	The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone
	to blame it on.
%
Juall's Law on Nice Guys:
	Nice guys don't always finish last; sometimes they don't finish.
	Sometimes they don't even get a chance to start!
%
Justice, n.:
	A decision in your favor.
%
Kafka's Law:
	In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
		-- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days"
%
Karlson's Theorem of Snack Food Packages:
	For all P, where P is a package of snack food, P is a SINGLE-SERVING
	package of snack food.

Gibson the Cat's Corrolary:
	For all L, where L is a package of lunch meat, L is Gibson's package
	of lunch meat.
%
Katz' Law:
	Men and nations will act rationally when
	all other possibilities have been exhausted.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have
exhausted all other alternatives.
		-- Abba Eban
%
Kaufman's First Law of Party Physics:
	Population density is inversely proportional
	to the square of the distance from the keg.
%
Kaufman's Law:
	A policy is a restrictive document to prevent a recurrence
	of a single incident, in which that incident is never mentioned.
%
Keep in mind always the four constant Laws of Frisbee:
	(1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc
	   straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this
	   force is technically termed "car suck").
	(2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive
	   than "Watch this!"
	(3) The probability of a Frisbee hitting something is directly
	   proportional to the cost of hitting it.  For instance, a
	   Frisbee will always head directly towards a policeman or
	   a little old lady rather than the beat up Chevy.
	(4) Your best throw happens when no one is watching; when the
	   cute girl you've been trying to impress is watching, the
	   Frisbee will invariably bounce out of your hand or hit you
	   in the head and knock you silly.
%
Kennedy's Market Theorem:
	Given enough inside information and unlimited credit,
	you've got to go broke.
%
Kent's Heuristic:
	Look for it first where you'd most like to find it.
%
kern, v.:
	1. To pack type together as tightly as the kernels on an ear
	of corn.  2. In parts of Brooklyn and Queens, N.Y., a small,
	metal object used as part of the monetary system.
%
kernel, n.:
	A part of an operating system that preserves the medieval
	traditions of sorcery and black art.
%
Kettering's Observation:
	Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
%
Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness:
	Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
%
Kin, n.:
	An affliction of the blood.
%
Kington's Law of Perforation:
	If a straight line of holes is made in a piece of paper, such
	as a sheet of stamps or a check, that line becomes the strongest
	part of the paper.
%
Kinkler's First Law:
	Responsibility always exceeds authority.

Kinkler's Second Law:
	All the easy problems have been solved.
%
Kliban's First Law of Dining:
	Never eat anything bigger than your head.
%
Kludge, n.:
	An ill-assorted collection of poorly-matching parts, forming a
	distressing whole.
		-- Jackson Granholm, "Datamation"
%
Knebel's Law:
	It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading
	causes of statistics.
%
knowledge, n.:
	Things you believe.
%
Kramer's Law:
	You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the trace finds out.
%
Iles's Law:
	There is always an easier way to do it.  When looking directly
	at the easy way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
	Neither will Iles.
%
Imbesi's Law with Freeman's Extension:
	In order for something to become clean, something else must
	become dirty; but you can get everything dirty without getting
	anything clean.
%
Immutability, Three Rules of:
	(1)  If a tarpaulin can flap, it will.
	(2)  If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
	(3)  If a teenager can go out, he will.
%
Impartial, adj.:
	Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
	espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
	conflicting opinions.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
inbox, n.:
	A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but
	are afraid to throw away.
%
incentive program, n.:
	The system of long and short-term rewards that a corporation uses
	to motivate its people.  Still, despite all the experimentation with
	profit sharing, stock options, and the like, the most effective
	incentive program to date seems to be "Do a good job and you get to
	keep it."
%
Incumbent, n.:
	Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
index, n.:
	Alphabetical list of words of no possible interest where an
	alphabetical list of subjects with references ought to be.
%
Infancy, n.:
	The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies
	about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Information Center, n.:
	A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to
	tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
%
Information Processing:
	What you call data processing when people are so disgusted with
	it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.
%
Ingrate, n.:
	A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
	indigestion.
%
ink, n.:
	A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic,
	and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of
	idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
		-- H.L. Mencken
%
innovate, v.:
	To annoy people.
%
insecurity, n.:
	Finding out that you've mispronounced for years one of your
	favorite words.

	Realizing halfway through a joke that you're telling it to
	the person who told it to you.
%
interest, n.:
	What borrowers pay, lenders receive, stockholders own, and
	burned out employees must feign.
%
Interpreter, n.:
	One who enables two persons of different languages to
	understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to
	the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
intoxicated, adj.:
	When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.
%
Iron Law of Distribution:
	Them that has, gets.
%
ISO applications:
	A solution in search of a problem!
%
Issawi's Laws of Progress:
	The Course of Progress:
		Most things get steadily worse.
	The Path of Progress:
		A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
%
It is fruitless:
	to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lactate fluid.

	to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with
	innovative maneuvers.
%
"It's in process":
	So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
%
italic, adj:
	Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases.  Unique to
	Western alphabets; in Eastern languages, the same phrases
	are often slanted to the left.
%
Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
	No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
	legislature is in session.
%
Jenkinson's Law:
	It won't work.
%
Jim Nasium's Law:
	In a large locker room with hundreds of lockers, the few people
	using the facility at any one time will all have lockers next to
	each other so that everybody is cramped.
%
job interview, n.:
	The excruciating process during which personnel officers
	separate the wheat from the chaff -- then hire the chaff.
%
job Placement, n.:
	Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
%
jogger, n.:
	An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.
%
Johnny Carson's Definition:
	The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs
	in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the
	taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
%
Johnson's First Law:
	When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
	most inconvenient possible time.
%
Johnson's law:
	Systems resemble the organizations that create them.
%
Jones' First Law:
	Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of
	endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an
	obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the
	importance of their original contribution.
%
Jones' Motto:
	Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
%
Jones' Second Law:
	The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone
	to blame it on.
%
Juall's Law on Nice Guys:
	Nice guys don't always finish last; sometimes they don't finish.
	Sometimes they don't even get a chance to start!
%
Justice, n.:
	A decision in your favor.
%
Kafka's Law:
	In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
		-- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days"
%
Karlson's Theorem of Snack Food Packages:
	For all P, where P is a package of snack food, P is a SINGLE-SERVING
	package of snack food.

Gibson the Cat's Corrolary:
	For all L, where L is a package of lunch meat, L is Gibson's package
	of lunch meat.
%
Katz' Law:
	Men and nations will act rationally when
	all other possibilities have been exhausted.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have
exhausted all other alternatives.
		-- Abba Eban
%
Kaufman's First Law of Party Physics:
	Population density is inversely proportional
	to the square of the distance from the keg.
%
Kaufman's Law:
	A policy is a restrictive document to prevent a recurrence
	of a single incident, in which that incident is never mentioned.
%
Keep in mind always the four constant Laws of Frisbee:
	(1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc
	   straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this
	   force is technically termed "car suck").
	(2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive
	   than "Watch this!"
	(3) The probability of a Frisbee hitting something is directly
	   proportional to the cost of hitting it.  For instance, a
	   Frisbee will always head directly towards a policeman or
	   a little old lady rather than the beat up Chevy.
	(4) Your best throw happens when no one is watching; when the
	   cute girl you've been trying to impress is watching, the
	   Frisbee will invariably bounce out of your hand or hit you
	   in the head and knock you silly.
%
Kennedy's Market Theorem:
	Given enough inside information and unlimited credit,
	you've got to go broke.
%
Kent's Heuristic:
	Look for it first where you'd most like to find it.
%
kern, v.:
	1. To pack type together as tightly as the kernels on an ear
	of corn.  2. In parts of Brooklyn and Queens, N.Y., a small,
	metal object used as part of the monetary system.
%
kernel, n.:
	A part of an operating system that preserves the medieval
	traditions of sorcery and black art.
%
Kettering's Observation:
	Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
%
Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness:
	Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
%
Kin, n.:
	An affliction of the blood.
%
Kington's Law of Perforation:
	If a straight line of holes is made in a piece of paper, such
	as a sheet of stamps or a check, that line becomes the strongest
	part of the paper.
%
Kinkler's First Law:
	Responsibility always exceeds authority.

Kinkler's Second Law:
	All the easy problems have been solved.
%
Kliban's First Law of Dining:
	Never eat anything bigger than your head.
%
Kludge, n.:
	An ill-assorted collection of poorly-matching parts, forming a
	distressing whole.
		-- Jackson Granholm, "Datamation"
%
Knebel's Law:
	It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading
	causes of statistics.
%
knowledge, n.:
	Things you believe.
%
Kramer's Law:
	You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the trace finds out.
%
Iles's Law:
	There is always an easier way to do it.  When looking directly
	at the easy way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
	Neither will Iles.
%
Imbesi's Law with Freeman's Extension:
	In order for something to become clean, something else must
	become dirty; but you can get everything dirty without getting
	anything clean.
%
Immutability, Three Rules of:
	(1)  If a tarpaulin can flap, it will.
	(2)  If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
	(3)  If a teenager can go out, he will.
%
Impartial, adj.:
	Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
	espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
	conflicting opinions.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
inbox, n.:
	A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but
	are afraid to throw away.
%
incentive program, n.:
	The system of long and short-term rewards that a corporation uses
	to motivate its people.  Still, despite all the experimentation with
	profit sharing, stock options, and the like, the most effective
	incentive program to date seems to be "Do a good job and you get to
	keep it."
%
Incumbent, n.:
	Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
index, n.:
	Alphabetical list of words of no possible interest where an
	alphabetical list of subjects with references ought to be.
%
Infancy, n.:
	The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies
	about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Information Center, n.:
	A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to
	tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
%
Information Processing:
	What you call data processing when people are so disgusted with
	it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.
%
Ingrate, n.:
	A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
	indigestion.
%
ink, n.:
	A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic,
	and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of
	idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
		-- H.L. Mencken
%
innovate, v.:
	To annoy people.
%
insecurity, n.:
	Finding out that you've mispronounced for years one of your
	favorite words.

	Realizing halfway through a joke that you're telling it to
	the person who told it to you.
%
interest, n.:
	What borrowers pay, lenders receive, stockholders own, and
	burned out employees must feign.
%
Interpreter, n.:
	One who enables two persons of different languages to
	understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to
	the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
intoxicated, adj.:
	When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.
%
Iron Law of Distribution:
	Them that has, gets.
%
ISO applications:
	A solution in search of a problem!
%
Issawi's Laws of Progress:
	The Course of Progress:
		Most things get steadily worse.
	The Path of Progress:
		A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
%
It is fruitless:
	to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lactate fluid.

	to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with
	innovative maneuvers.
%
"It's in process":
	So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
%
italic, adj:
	Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases.  Unique to
	Western alphabets; in Eastern languages, the same phrases
	are often slanted to the left.
%
Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
	No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
	legislature is in session.
%
Jenkinson's Law:
	It won't work.
%
Jim Nasium's Law:
	In a large locker room with hundreds of lockers, the few people
	using the facility at any one time will all have lockers next to
	each other so that everybody is cramped.
%
job interview, n.:
	The excruciating process during which personnel officers
	separate the wheat from the chaff -- then hire the chaff.
%
job Placement, n.:
	Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
%
jogger, n.:
	An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.
%
Johnny Carson's Definition:
	The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs
	in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the
	taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
%
Johnson's First Law:
	When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
	most inconvenient possible time.
%
Johnson's law:
	Systems resemble the organizations that create them.
%
Jones' First Law:
	Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of
	endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an
	obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the
	importance of their original contribution.
%
Jones' Motto:
	Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
%
Jones' Second Law:
	The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone
	to blame it on.
%
Juall's Law on Nice Guys:
	Nice guys don't always finish last; sometimes they don't finish.
	Sometimes they don't even get a chance to start!
%
Justice, n.:
	A decision in your favor.
%
Kafka's Law:
	In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
		-- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days"
%
Karlson's Theorem of Snack Food Packages:
	For all P, where P is a package of snack food, P is a SINGLE-SERVING
	package of snack food.

Gibson the Cat's Corrolary:
	For all L, where L is a package of lunch meat, L is Gibson's package
	of lunch meat.
%
Katz' Law:
	Men and nations will act rationally when
	all other possibilities have been exhausted.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have
exhausted all other alternatives.
		-- Abba Eban
%
Kaufman's First Law of Party Physics:
	Population density is inversely proportional
	to the square of the distance from the keg.
%
Kaufman's Law:
	A policy is a restrictive document to prevent a recurrence
	of a single incident, in which that incident is never mentioned.
%
Keep in mind always the four constant Laws of Frisbee:
	(1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc
	   straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this
	   force is technically termed "car suck").
	(2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive
	   than "Watch this!"
	(3) The probability of a Frisbee hitting something is directly
	   proportional to the cost of hitting it.  For instance, a
	   Frisbee will always head directly towards a policeman or
	   a little old lady rather than the beat up Chevy.
	(4) Your best throw happens when no one is watching; when the
	   cute girl you've been trying to impress is watching, the
	   Frisbee will invariably bounce out of your hand or hit you
	   in the head and knock you silly.
%
Kennedy's Market Theorem:
	Given enough inside information and unlimited credit,
	you've got to go broke.
%
Kent's Heuristic:
	Look for it first where you'd most like to find it.
%
kern, v.:
	1. To pack type together as tightly as the kernels on an ear
	of corn.  2. In parts of Brooklyn and Queens, N.Y., a small,
	metal object used as part of the monetary system.
%
kernel, n.:
	A part of an operating system that preserves the medieval
	traditions of sorcery and black art.
%
Kettering's Observation:
	Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
%
Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness:
	Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
%
Kin, n.:
	An affliction of the blood.
%
Kington's Law of Perforation:
	If a straight line of holes is made in a piece of paper, such
	as a sheet of stamps or a check, that line becomes the strongest
	part of the paper.
%
Kinkler's First Law:
	Responsibility always exceeds authority.

Kinkler's Second Law:
	All the easy problems have been solved.
%
Kliban's First Law of Dining:
	Never eat anything bigger than your head.
%
Kludge, n.:
	An ill-assorted collection of poorly-matching parts, forming a
	distressing whole.
		-- Jackson Granholm, "Datamation"
%
Knebel's Law:
	It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading
	causes of statistics.
%
knowledge, n.:
	Things you believe.
%
Kramer's Law:
	You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the trace finds out.
%
Iles's Law:
	There is always an easier way to do it.  When looking directly
	at the easy way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
	Neither will Iles.
%
Imbesi's Law with Freeman's Extension:
	In order for something to become clean, something else must
	become dirty; but you can get everything dirty without getting
	anything clean.
%
Immutability, Three Rules of:
	(1)  If a tarpaulin can flap, it will.
	(2)  If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
	(3)  If a teenager can go out, he will.
%
Impartial, adj.:
	Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
	espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
	conflicting opinions.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
inbox, n.:
	A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but
	are afraid to throw away.
%
incentive program, n.:
	The system of long and short-term rewards that a corporation uses
	to motivate its people.  Still, despite all the experimentation with
	profit sharing, stock options, and the like, the most effective
	incentive program to date seems to be "Do a good job and you get to
	keep it."
%
Incumbent, n.:
	Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
index, n.:
	Alphabetical list of words of no possible interest where an
	alphabetical list of subjects with references ought to be.
%
Infancy, n.:
	The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies
	about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Information Center, n.:
	A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to
	tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
%
Information Processing:
	What you call data processing when people are so disgusted with
	it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.
%
Ingrate, n.:
	A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
	indigestion.
%
ink, n.:
	A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic,
	and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of
	idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
		-- H.L. Mencken
%
innovate, v.:
	To annoy people.
%
insecurity, n.:
	Finding out that you've mispronounced for years one of your
	favorite words.

	Realizing halfway through a joke that you're telling it to
	the person who told it to you.
%
interest, n.:
	What borrowers pay, lenders receive, stockholders own, and
	burned out employees must feign.
%
Interpreter, n.:
	One who enables two persons of different languages to
	understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to
	the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
intoxicated, adj.:
	When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.
%
Iron Law of Distribution:
	Them that has, gets.
%
ISO applications:
	A solution in search of a problem!
%
Issawi's Laws of Progress:
	The Course of Progress:
		Most things get steadily worse.
	The Path of Progress:
		A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
%
It is fruitless:
	to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lactate fluid.

	to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with
	innovative maneuvers.
%
"It's in process":
	So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
%
italic, adj:
	Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases.  Unique to
	Western alphabets; in Eastern languages, the same phrases
	are often slanted to the left.
%
Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
	No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
	legislature is in session.
%
Jenkinson's Law:
	It won't work.
%
Jim Nasium's Law:
	In a large locker room with hundreds of lockers, the few people
	using the facility at any one time will all have lockers next to
	each other so that everybody is cramped.
%
job interview, n.:
	The excruciating process during which personnel officers
	separate the wheat from the chaff -- then hire the chaff.
%
job Placement, n.:
	Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
%
jogger, n.:
	An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.
%
Johnny Carson's Definition:
	The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs
	in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the
	taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
%
Johnson's First Law:
	When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
	most inconvenient possible time.
%
Johnson's law:
	Systems resemble the organizations that create them.
%
Jones' First Law:
	Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of
	endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an
	obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the
	importance of their original contribution.
%
Jones' Motto:
	Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
%
Jones' Second Law:
	The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone
	to blame it on.
%
Juall's Law on Nice Guys:
	Nice guys don't always finish last; sometimes they don't finish.
	Sometimes they don't even get a chance to start!
%
Justice, n.:
	A decision in your favor.
%
Kafka's Law:
	In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
		-- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days"
%
Karlson's Theorem of Snack Food Packages:
	For all P, where P is a package of snack food, P is a SINGLE-SERVING
	package of snack food.

Gibson the Cat's Corrolary:
	For all L, where L is a package of lunch meat, L is Gibson's package
	of lunch meat.
%
Katz' Law:
	Men and nations will act rationally when
	all other possibilities have been exhausted.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have
exhausted all other alternatives.
		-- Abba Eban
%
Kaufman's First Law of Party Physics:
	Population density is inversely proportional
	to the square of the distance from the keg.
%
Kaufman's Law:
	A policy is a restrictive document to prevent a recurrence
	of a single incident, in which that incident is never mentioned.
%
Keep in mind always the four constant Laws of Frisbee:
	(1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc
	   straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this
	   force is technically termed "car suck").
	(2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive
	   than "Watch this!"
	(3) The probability of a Frisbee hitting something is directly
	   proportional to the cost of hitting it.  For instance, a
	   Frisbee will always head directly towards a policeman or
	   a little old lady rather than the beat up Chevy.
	(4) Your best throw happens when no one is watching; when the
	   cute girl you've been trying to impress is watching, the
	   Frisbee will invariably bounce out of your hand or hit you
	   in the head and knock you silly.
%
Kennedy's Market Theorem:
	Given enough inside information and unlimited credit,
	you've got to go broke.
%
Kent's Heuristic:
	Look for it first where you'd most like to find it.
%
kern, v.:
	1. To pack type together as tightly as the kernels on an ear
	of corn.  2. In parts of Brooklyn and Queens, N.Y., a small,
	metal object used as part of the monetary system.
%
kernel, n.:
	A part of an operating system that preserves the medieval
	traditions of sorcery and black art.
%
Kettering's Observation:
	Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
%
Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness:
	Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
%
Kin, n.:
	An affliction of the blood.
%
Kington's Law of Perforation:
	If a straight line of holes is made in a piece of paper, such
	as a sheet of stamps or a check, that line becomes the strongest
	part of the paper.
%
Kinkler's First Law:
	Responsibility always exceeds authority.

Kinkler's Second Law:
	All the easy problems have been solved.
%
Kliban's First Law of Dining:
	Never eat anything bigger than your head.
%
Kludge, n.:
	An ill-assorted collection of poorly-matching parts, forming a
	distressing whole.
		-- Jackson Granholm, "Datamation"
%
Knebel's Law:
	It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading
	causes of statistics.
%
knowledge, n.:
	Things you believe.
%
Kramer's Law:
	You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the trace finds out.
%
Iles's Law:
	There is always an easier way to do it.  When looking directly
	at the easy way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
	Neither will Iles.
%
Imbesi's Law with Freeman's Extension:
	In order for something to become clean, something else must
	become dirty; but you can get everything dirty without getting
	anything clean.
%
Immutability, Three Rules of:
	(1)  If a tarpaulin can flap, it will.
	(2)  If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
	(3)  If a teenager can go out, he will.
%
Impartial, adj.:
	Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
	espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
	conflicting opinions.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
inbox, n.:
	A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but
	are afraid to throw away.
%
incentive program, n.:
	The system of long and short-term rewards that a corporation uses
	to motivate its people.  Still, despite all the experimentation with
	profit sharing, stock options, and the like, the most effective
	incentive program to date seems to be "Do a good job and you get to
	keep it."
%
Incumbent, n.:
	Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
index, n.:
	Alphabetical list of words of no possible interest where an
	alphabetical list of subjects with references ought to be.
%
Infancy, n.:
	The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies
	about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Information Center, n.:
	A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to
	tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
%
Information Processing:
	What you call data processing when people are so disgusted with
	it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.
%
Ingrate, n.:
	A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
	indigestion.
%
ink, n.:
	A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic,
	and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of
	idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
		-- H.L. Mencken
%
innovate, v.:
	To annoy people.
%
insecurity, n.:
	Finding out that you've mispronounced for years one of your
	favorite words.

	Realizing halfway through a joke that you're telling it to
	the person who told it to you.
%
interest, n.:
	What borrowers pay, lenders receive, stockholders own, and
	burned out employees must feign.
%
Interpreter, n.:
	One who enables two persons of different languages to
	understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to
	the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
intoxicated, adj.:
	When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.
%
Iron Law of Distribution:
	Them that has, gets.
%
ISO applications:
	A solution in search of a problem!
%
Issawi's Laws of Progress:
	The Course of Progress:
		Most things get steadily worse.
	The Path of Progress:
		A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
%
It is fruitless:
	to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lactate fluid.

	to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with
	innovative maneuvers.
%
"It's in process":
	So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
%
italic, adj:
	Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases.  Unique to
	Western alphabets; in Eastern languages, the same phrases
	are often slanted to the left.
%
Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
	No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
	legislature is in session.
%
Jenkinson's Law:
	It won't work.
%
Jim Nasium's Law:
	In a large locker room with hundreds of lockers, the few people
	using the facility at any one time will all have lockers next to
	each other so that everybody is cramped.
%
job interview, n.:
	The excruciating process during which personnel officers
	separate the wheat from the chaff -- then hire the chaff.
%
job Placement, n.:
	Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
%
jogger, n.:
	An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.
%
Johnny Carson's Definition:
	The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs
	in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the
	taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
%
Johnson's First Law:
	When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
	most inconvenient possible time.
%
Johnson's law:
	Systems resemble the organizations that create them.
%
Jones' First Law:
	Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of
	endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an
	obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the
	importance of their original contribution.
%
Jones' Motto:
	Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
%
Jones' Second Law:
	The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone
	to blame it on.
%
Juall's Law on Nice Guys:
	Nice guys don't always finish last; sometimes they don't finish.
	Sometimes they don't even get a chance to start!
%
Justice, n.:
	A decision in your favor.
%
Kafka's Law:
	In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
		-- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days"
%
Karlson's Theorem of Snack Food Packages:
	For all P, where P is a package of snack food, P is a SINGLE-SERVING
	package of snack food.

Gibson the Cat's Corrolary:
	For all L, where L is a package of lunch meat, L is Gibson's package
	of lunch meat.
%
Katz' Law:
	Men and nations will act rationally when
	all other possibilities have been exhausted.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have
exhausted all other alternatives.
		-- Abba Eban
%
Kaufman's First Law of Party Physics:
	Population density is inversely proportional
	to the square of the distance from the keg.
%
Kaufman's Law:
	A policy is a restrictive document to prevent a recurrence
	of a single incident, in which that incident is never mentioned.
%
Keep in mind always the four constant Laws of Frisbee:
	(1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc
	   straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this
	   force is technically termed "car suck").
	(2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive
	   than "Watch this!"
	(3) The probability of a Frisbee hitting something is directly
	   proportional to the cost of hitting it.  For instance, a
	   Frisbee will always head directly towards a policeman or
	   a little old lady rather than the beat up Chevy.
	(4) Your best throw happens when no one is watching; when the
	   cute girl you've been trying to impress is watching, the
	   Frisbee will invariably bounce out of your hand or hit you
	   in the head and knock you silly.
%
Kennedy's Market Theorem:
	Given enough inside information and unlimited credit,
	you've got to go broke.
%
Kent's Heuristic:
	Look for it first where you'd most like to find it.
%
kern, v.:
	1. To pack type together as tightly as the kernels on an ear
	of corn.  2. In parts of Brooklyn and Queens, N.Y., a small,
	metal object used as part of the monetary system.
%
kernel, n.:
	A part of an operating system that preserves the medieval
	traditions of sorcery and black art.
%
Kettering's Observation:
	Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
%
Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness:
	Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
%
Kin, n.:
	An affliction of the blood.
%
Kington's Law of Perforation:
	If a straight line of holes is made in a piece of paper, such
	as a sheet of stamps or a check, that line becomes the strongest
	part of the paper.
%
Kinkler's First Law:
	Responsibility always exceeds authority.

Kinkler's Second Law:
	All the easy problems have been solved.
%
Kliban's First Law of Dining:
	Never eat anything bigger than your head.
%
Kludge, n.:
	An ill-assorted collection of poorly-matching parts, forming a
	distressing whole.
		-- Jackson Granholm, "Datamation"
%
Knebel's Law:
	It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading
	causes of statistics.
%
knowledge, n.:
	Things you believe.
%
Kramer's Law:
	You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the trace finds out.
%
Iles's Law:
	There is always an easier way to do it.  When looking directly
	at the easy way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
	Neither will Iles.
%
Imbesi's Law with Freeman's Extension:
	In order for something to become clean, something else must
	become dirty; but you can get everything dirty without getting
	anything clean.
%
Immutability, Three Rules of:
	(1)  If a tarpaulin can flap, it will.
	(2)  If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
	(3)  If a teenager can go out, he will.
%
Impartial, adj.:
	Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
	espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
	conflicting opinions.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
inbox, n.:
	A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but
	are afraid to throw away.
%
incentive program, n.:
	The system of long and short-term rewards that a corporation uses
	to motivate its people.  Still, despite all the experimentation with
	profit sharing, stock options, and the like, the most effective
	incentive program to date seems to be "Do a good job and you get to
	keep it."
%
Incumbent, n.:
	Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
index, n.:
	Alphabetical list of words of no possible interest where an
	alphabetical list of subjects with references ought to be.
%
Infancy, n.:
	The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies
	about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Information Center, n.:
	A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to
	tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
%
Information Processing:
	What you call data processing when people are so disgusted with
	it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.
%
Ingrate, n.:
	A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
	indigestion.
%
ink, n.:
	A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic,
	and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of
	idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
		-- H.L. Mencken
%
innovate, v.:
	To annoy people.
%
insecurity, n.:
	Finding out that you've mispronounced for years one of your
	favorite words.

	Realizing halfway through a joke that you're telling it to
	the person who told it to you.
%
interest, n.:
	What borrowers pay, lenders receive, stockholders own, and
	burned out employees must feign.
%
Interpreter, n.:
	One who enables two persons of different languages to
	understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to
	the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
intoxicated, adj.:
	When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.
%
Iron Law of Distribution:
	Them that has, gets.
%
ISO applications:
	A solution in search of a problem!
%
Issawi's Laws of Progress:
	The Course of Progress:
		Most things get steadily worse.
	The Path of Progress:
		A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
%
It is fruitless:
	to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lactate fluid.

	to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with
	innovative maneuvers.
%
"It's in process":
	So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
%
italic, adj:
	Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases.  Unique to
	Western alphabets; in Eastern languages, the same phrases
	are often slanted to the left.
%
Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
	No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
	legislature is in session.
%
Jenkinson's Law:
	It won't work.
%
Jim Nasium's Law:
	In a large locker room with hundreds of lockers, the few people
	using the facility at any one time will all have lockers next to
	each other so that everybody is cramped.
%
job interview, n.:
	The excruciating process during which personnel officers
	separate the wheat from the chaff -- then hire the chaff.
%
job Placement, n.:
	Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
%
jogger, n.:
	An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.
%
Johnny Carson's Definition:
	The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs
	in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the
	taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
%
Johnson's First Law:
	When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
	most inconvenient possible time.
%
Johnson's law:
	Systems resemble the organizations that create them.
%
Jones' First Law:
	Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of
	endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an
	obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the
	importance of their original contribution.
%
Jones' Motto:
	Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
%
Jones' Second Law:
	The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone
	to blame it on.
%
Juall's Law on Nice Guys:
	Nice guys don't always finish last; sometimes they don't finish.
	Sometimes they don't even get a chance to start!
%
Justice, n.:
	A decision in your favor.
%
Kafka's Law:
	In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
		-- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days"
%
Karlson's Theorem of Snack Food Packages:
	For all P, where P is a package of snack food, P is a SINGLE-SERVING
	package of snack food.

Gibson the Cat's Corrolary:
	For all L, where L is a package of lunch meat, L is Gibson's package
	of lunch meat.
%
Katz' Law:
	Men and nations will act rationally when
	all other possibilities have been exhausted.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have
exhausted all other alternatives.
		-- Abba Eban
%
Kaufman's First Law of Party Physics:
	Population density is inversely proportional
	to the square of the distance from the keg.
%
Kaufman's Law:
	A policy is a restrictive document to prevent a recurrence
	of a single incident, in which that incident is never mentioned.
%
Keep in mind always the four constant Laws of Frisbee:
	(1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc
	   straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this
	   force is technically termed "car suck").
	(2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive
	   than "Watch this!"
	(3) The probability of a Frisbee hitting something is directly
	   proportional to the cost of hitting it.  For instance, a
	   Frisbee will always head directly towards a policeman or
	   a little old lady rather than the beat up Chevy.
	(4) Your best throw happens when no one is watching; when the
	   cute girl you've been trying to impress is watching, the
	   Frisbee will invariably bounce out of your hand or hit you
	   in the head and knock you silly.
%
Kennedy's Market Theorem:
	Given enough inside information and unlimited credit,
	you've got to go broke.
%
Kent's Heuristic:
	Look for it first where you'd most like to find it.
%
kern, v.:
	1. To pack type together as tightly as the kernels on an ear
	of corn.  2. In parts of Brooklyn and Queens, N.Y., a small,
	metal object used as part of the monetary system.
%
kernel, n.:
	A part of an operating system that preserves the medieval
	traditions of sorcery and black art.
%
Kettering's Observation:
	Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
%
Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness:
	Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
%
Kin, n.:
	An affliction of the blood.
%
Kington's Law of Perforation:
	If a straight line of holes is made in a piece of paper, such
	as a sheet of stamps or a check, that line becomes the strongest
	part of the paper.
%
Kinkler's First Law:
	Responsibility always exceeds authority.

Kinkler's Second Law:
	All the easy problems have been solved.
%
Kliban's First Law of Dining:
	Never eat anything bigger than your head.
%
Kludge, n.:
	An ill-assorted collection of poorly-matching parts, forming a
	distressing whole.
		-- Jackson Granholm, "Datamation"
%
Knebel's Law:
	It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading
	causes of statistics.
%
knowledge, n.:
	Things you believe.
%
Kramer's Law:
	You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the trace finds out.
%
Iles's Law:
	There is always an easier way to do it.  When looking directly
	at the easy way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
	Neither will Iles.
%
Imbesi's Law with Freeman's Extension:
	In order for something to become clean, something else must
	become dirty; but you can get everything dirty without getting
	anything clean.
%
Immutability, Three Rules of:
	(1)  If a tarpaulin can flap, it will.
	(2)  If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
	(3)  If a teenager can go out, he will.
%
Impartial, adj.:
	Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
	espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
	conflicting opinions.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
inbox, n.:
	A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but
	are afraid to throw away.
%
incentive program, n.:
	The system of long and short-term rewards that a corporation uses
	to motivate its people.  Still, despite all the experimentation with
	profit sharing, stock options, and the like, the most effective
	incentive program to date seems to be "Do a good job and you get to
	keep it."
%
Incumbent, n.:
	Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
index, n.:
	Alphabetical list of words of no possible interest where an
	alphabetical list of subjects with references ought to be.
%
Infancy, n.:
	The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies
	about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Information Center, n.:
	A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to
	tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
%
Information Processing:
	What you call data processing when people are so disgusted with
	it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.
%
Ingrate, n.:
	A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
	indigestion.
%
ink, n.:
	A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic,
	and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of
	idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
		-- H.L. Mencken
%
innovate, v.:
	To annoy people.
%
insecurity, n.:
	Finding out that you've mispronounced for years one of your
	favorite words.

	Realizing halfway through a joke that you're telling it to
	the person who told it to you.
%
interest, n.:
	What borrowers pay, lenders receive, stockholders own, and
	burned out employees must feign.
%
Interpreter, n.:
	One who enables two persons of different languages to
	understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to
	the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
intoxicated, adj.:
	When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.
%
Iron Law of Distribution:
	Them that has, gets.
%
ISO applications:
	A solution in search of a problem!
%
Issawi's Laws of Progress:
	The Course of Progress:
		Most things get steadily worse.
	The Path of Progress:
		A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
%
It is fruitless:
	to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lactate fluid.

	to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with
	innovative maneuvers.
%
"It's in process":
	So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
%
italic, adj:
	Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases.  Unique to
	Western alphabets; in Eastern languages, the same phrases
	are often slanted to the left.
%
Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
	No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
	legislature is in session.
%
Jenkinson's Law:
	It won't work.
%
Jim Nasium's Law:
	In a large locker room with hundreds of lockers, the few people
	using the facility at any one time will all have lockers next to
	each other so that everybody is cramped.
%
job interview, n.:
	The excruciating process during which personnel officers
	separate the wheat from the chaff -- then hire the chaff.
%
job Placement, n.:
	Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
%
jogger, n.:
	An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.
%
Johnny Carson's Definition:
	The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs
	in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the
	taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
%
Johnson's First Law:
	When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
	most inconvenient possible time.
%
Johnson's law:
	Systems resemble the organizations that create them.
%
Jones' First Law:
	Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of
	endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an
	obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the
	importance of their original contribution.
%
Jones' Motto:
	Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
%
Jones' Second Law:
	The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone
	to blame it on.
%
Juall's Law on Nice Guys:
	Nice guys don't always finish last; sometimes they don't finish.
	Sometimes they don't even get a chance to start!
%
Justice, n.:
	A decision in your favor.
%
Kafka's Law:
	In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
		-- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days"
%
Karlson's Theorem of Snack Food Packages:
	For all P, where P is a package of snack food, P is a SINGLE-SERVING
	package of snack food.

Gibson the Cat's Corrolary:
	For all L, where L is a package of lunch meat, L is Gibson's package
	of lunch meat.
%
Katz' Law:
	Men and nations will act rationally when
	all other possibilities have been exhausted.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have
exhausted all other alternatives.
		-- Abba Eban
%
Kaufman's First Law of Party Physics:
	Population density is inversely proportional
	to the square of the distance from the keg.
%
Kaufman's Law:
	A policy is a restrictive document to prevent a recurrence
	of a single incident, in which that incident is never mentioned.
%
Keep in mind always the four constant Laws of Frisbee:
	(1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc
	   straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this
	   force is technically termed "car suck").
	(2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive
	   than "Watch this!"
	(3) The probability of a Frisbee hitting something is directly
	   proportional to the cost of hitting it.  For instance, a
	   Frisbee will always head directly towards a policeman or
	   a little old lady rather than the beat up Chevy.
	(4) Your best throw happens when no one is watching; when the
	   cute girl you've been trying to impress is watching, the
	   Frisbee will invariably bounce out of your hand or hit you
	   in the head and knock you silly.
%
Kennedy's Market Theorem:
	Given enough inside information and unlimited credit,
	you've got to go broke.
%
Kent's Heuristic:
	Look for it first where you'd most like to find it.
%
kern, v.:
	1. To pack type together as tightly as the kernels on an ear
	of corn.  2. In parts of Brooklyn and Queens, N.Y., a small,
	metal object used as part of the monetary system.
%
kernel, n.:
	A part of an operating system that preserves the medieval
	traditions of sorcery and black art.
%
Kettering's Observation:
	Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
%
Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness:
	Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
%
Kin, n.:
	An affliction of the blood.
%
Kington's Law of Perforation:
	If a straight line of holes is made in a piece of paper, such
	as a sheet of stamps or a check, that line becomes the strongest
	part of the paper.
%
Kinkler's First Law:
	Responsibility always exceeds authority.

Kinkler's Second Law:
	All the easy problems have been solved.
%
Kliban's First Law of Dining:
	Never eat anything bigger than your head.
%
Kludge, n.:
	An ill-assorted collection of poorly-matching parts, forming a
	distressing whole.
		-- Jackson Granholm, "Datamation"
%
Knebel's Law:
	It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading
	causes of statistics.
%
knowledge, n.:
	Things you believe.
%
Kramer's Law:
	You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the trace finds out.
%
Iles's Law:
	There is always an easier way to do it.  When looking directly
	at the easy way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
	Neither will Iles.
%
Imbesi's Law with Freeman's Extension:
	In order for something to become clean, something else must
	become dirty; but you can get everything dirty without getting
	anything clean.
%
Immutability, Three Rules of:
	(1)  If a tarpaulin can flap, it will.
	(2)  If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
	(3)  If a teenager can go out, he will.
%
Impartial, adj.:
	Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
	espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
	conflicting opinions.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
inbox, n.:
	A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but
	are afraid to throw away.
%
incentive program, n.:
	The system of long and short-term rewards that a corporation uses
	to motivate its people.  Still, despite all the experimentation with
	profit sharing, stock options, and the like, the most effective
	incentive program to date seems to be "Do a good job and you get to
	keep it."
%
Incumbent, n.:
	Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
index, n.:
	Alphabetical list of words of no possible interest where an
	alphabetical list of subjects with references ought to be.
%
Infancy, n.:
	The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies
	about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
		-- Ambrose Bierce
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Information Center, n.:
	A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to
	tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
%
Information Processing:
	What you call data processing when people are so disgusted with
	it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.
%
Ingrate, n.:
	A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
	indigestion.
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ink, n.:
	A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic,
	and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of
	idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
		-- H.L. Mencken
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innovate, v.:
	To annoy people.
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insecurity, n.:
	Finding out that you've mispronounced for years one of your
	favorite words.

	Realizing halfway through a joke that you're telling it to
	the person who told it to you.
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interest, n.:
	What borrowers pay, lenders receive, stockholders own, and
	burned out employees must feign.
%
Interpreter, n.:
	One who enables two persons of different languages to
	understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to
	the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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intoxicated, adj.:
	When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.
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Iron Law of Distribution:
	Them that has, gets.
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ISO applications:
	A solution in search of a problem!
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Issawi's Laws of Progress:
	The Course of Progress:
		Most things get steadily worse.
	The Path of Progress:
		A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
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It is fruitless:
	to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lactate fluid.

	to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with
	innovative maneuvers.
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"It's in process":
	So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
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italic, adj:
	Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases.  Unique to
	Western alphabets; in Eastern languages, the same phrases
	are often slanted to the left.
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Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
	No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
	legislature is in session.
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Jenkinson's Law:
	It won't work.
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Jim Nasium's Law:
	In a large locker room with hundreds of lockers, the few people
	using the facility at any one time will all have lockers next to
	each other so that everybody is cramped.
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job interview, n.:
	The excruciating process during which personnel officers
	separate the wheat from the chaff -- then hire the chaff.
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job Placement, n.:
	Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
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jogger, n.:
	An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.
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Johnny Carson's Definition:
	The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs
	in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the
	taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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Johnson's First Law:
	When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
	most inconvenient possible time.
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Johnson's law:
	Systems resemble the organizations that create them.
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Jones' First Law:
	Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of
	endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an
	obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the
	importance of their original contribution.
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Jones' Motto:
	Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
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Jones' Second Law:
	The man who smiles when things go wro